Hi,
I’m Helena, my 89 year old mum is in a care home near me ( 200 miles away from the family home) and my 91 year old dad is in the process of selling the family home and buying a (supported) flat on the same site as mum’s home. Mum was diagnosed about 3/4 years ago with mixed type, and she’s been in a home since September. All The professionals involved (dementia nurse, GP, Social worker, care workers) believe this is the right thing for mum.
But, she is nowhere near as bad as other residents. She can still hold a conversation (although will repeat herself and can’t retain info), can play scrabble, express preference etc. Her memory is so poor that she can’t recall visits 30 mins after we’ve left, can’t watch TV/read because she can’t follow the thread (can still read, but forgets). Before she went in she was forgetting meds, to change, shop, clean, eat, if she tried to cook she forgot what she was doing and left hobs on , was very argumentative and confrontational, throwing things, and we had to hide all the knives because she threatened dad. . She flatly refused to have support at home (over my dead body), and refused to leave the house.
She is so much better now, putting on weight, calmer, less anxious, because the staff who are brilliant make sure she eats, takes her meds, washes, socialises etc. Every time any of us visit she is asking how she can get out and go home, so every time we have to try to think of something to say to pacify her. If we told her the truth it would really upset her, make her angry, and there would be an argument. She’d then forget all that and the rest of us will remember the unpleasantness, the anger, the upset, and question what we’re doing.
How do other people cope with a situation like this?
I’m Helena, my 89 year old mum is in a care home near me ( 200 miles away from the family home) and my 91 year old dad is in the process of selling the family home and buying a (supported) flat on the same site as mum’s home. Mum was diagnosed about 3/4 years ago with mixed type, and she’s been in a home since September. All The professionals involved (dementia nurse, GP, Social worker, care workers) believe this is the right thing for mum.
But, she is nowhere near as bad as other residents. She can still hold a conversation (although will repeat herself and can’t retain info), can play scrabble, express preference etc. Her memory is so poor that she can’t recall visits 30 mins after we’ve left, can’t watch TV/read because she can’t follow the thread (can still read, but forgets). Before she went in she was forgetting meds, to change, shop, clean, eat, if she tried to cook she forgot what she was doing and left hobs on , was very argumentative and confrontational, throwing things, and we had to hide all the knives because she threatened dad. . She flatly refused to have support at home (over my dead body), and refused to leave the house.
She is so much better now, putting on weight, calmer, less anxious, because the staff who are brilliant make sure she eats, takes her meds, washes, socialises etc. Every time any of us visit she is asking how she can get out and go home, so every time we have to try to think of something to say to pacify her. If we told her the truth it would really upset her, make her angry, and there would be an argument. She’d then forget all that and the rest of us will remember the unpleasantness, the anger, the upset, and question what we’re doing.
How do other people cope with a situation like this?
