Telling a person with dementia finances have decreased

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Jrs57, Jan 23, 2016.

  1. Jrs57

    Jrs57 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2016
    My mother has dementia but doesn't realize it. She has the same conversations, questions and thoughts within minutes ...even seconds. She asks me how much money she has and so far I haven't told her it is much less than she remembers. Just not sure how to continue. Should I let her think it is more than it is? I'm afraid she is going to want to see a bank statement. She owns a home in Florida but I brought her to my state and she is in an apartment with daily caregiving. She has no concept of what this costs and would be horrified to know. All thoughts appreciated.
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
  3. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    south-east London
    #3 LynneMcV, Jan 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2016
    I agree with Cat - just something vague but reassuring.

    The problem is, if you tell her the finer detail she may start worrying about it and, even if she forgets the sum, the sense of worry is likely to remain, but she won't quite know why.

    As far as seeing a bank statement goes, would it be possible to 'go paperless' ? I don't know if you have control of her account in that way but I changed our joint account to paperless some time ago, so my husband doesn't see bank statements etc.

    He sometimes sees invoices for the day centre he attends or the driver service we use to get him to one of his groups, he just knows there's a bill and it needs to be paid but he doesn't sit down and study the exact amount and how the total was reached. It may be that if your mum saw something similar she wouldn't get overly involved either?

    My husband is just content if I say he isn't to worry about it, that we have the money to pay it and I'll take care of it.
  4. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    Money is one of my husbands constant topics. We have never been in debt in a fifty year marriage but he worries nevertheless and feels he should be working. I don't get into nitty gritty details with him about our finances as he would not grasp what I was saying and would just dwell on some element that caught his eye.

    Like others I go for reassurance and vague figures. We have online accounts and everything direct debited that I can arrange. This weeks mystery is the disappearance of his two fivers which live permanently in his wallet - he never spends anything now. As he constantly counts and examines these two notes the chances of losing or mislaying them is high. Just as well our finances are not dependent on them.
  5. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User


    OH is quite paranoid about it and he can really get quite agitated about it. Pre AD diagnosis he was quite happy to let me handle all the banking and pay the bills etc but now on occasion he will have a major meltdown about how much money we have.

    I have done all our banking online and investments for years and so he thinks because there are no paper statements around, I am trying to hide things from him. He tries to log on to our main bank but cannot complete the logon procedure so I am then accused of changing the password without telling him.

    His AD is not so bad that I could get away with fobbing him off so I printed off hard copies of everything but that was also a mistake because he then wanted me to account for the money we have spent in the last five years! So now I am a thief, I have been stealing off him for years, I am hiding money from him etc etc etc.

    I am sure that he feels insecure and fearful because of his illnesses and probably your mum is in the same boat. If her memory is as bad as you say, then do whatever you have to do to reassure her that everything is fine, that she doesn't need to worry about managing financially.
  6. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    I helped Mum with her finances for years. She used to get in a muddle even with a book for simple entries and then balancing a statement got beyond her.
    I used to balance her books and print out a piece of paper saying something like:-

    Bank Account....... ..Balance at 01 January 2016.....£100.00

    Savings account... Balance at 01 January 2016.......£100.00

    This kept her happy.

    I did have a third party mandate and internet banking prior to the Lasting Power of Attorney.
  7. Jrs57

    Jrs57 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2016
  8. Jrs57

    Jrs57 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2016
    Oh yes...have been paperless for some time now. She just asks to see the statements

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