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Taking care of a loved one in my home

Wandakh

New member
Jun 14, 2021
6
0
It is really a challenge trying to take care of a loved one not know what you are doing is correct only to get what need to know from the internet because your doctor doesn’t seem to be helping and places are full to take care of your dear loved one. So my husband and myself are trying our best. She tends to pretend that she is looking or doing something because it is clear that she does not remember why she is in a certain room or remember what she was doing and seems to “make up something “ is this correct do dementia patients do this or is it something else. We are learning as we go and need all the help we can get. She also gets angry real fast no matter if we go along with what she is saying or try to redirect her. So confused!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,337
0
South coast
Hi @Wandakh and welcome to Talking Point.

The way that your LO is making things up is called confabulation and is typical of dementia.
What is happening is that your LO, as you realise, has lots of gaps in their memory and the subconscious brain is filling them with false memories, so they think they remembers what they are doing, even though this isnt actually what happened. They have no idea that this is what is happening - they are not doing it on purpose and to them the memories seem just like the real thing.

Its best not to challenge these memories, or question them in any way. In fact, I now never even ask my OH why he has done/is doing anything.
 

Wandakh

New member
Jun 14, 2021
6
0
Mayb
Hi @Wandakh and welcome to Talking Point.

The way that your LO is making things up is called confabulation and is typical of dementia.
What is happening is that your LO, as you realise, has lots of gaps in their memory and the subconscious brain is filling them with false memories, so they think they remembers what they are doing, even though this isnt actually what happened. They have no idea that this is what is happening - they are not doing it on purpose and to them the memories seem just like the real thing.

Its best not to challenge these memories, or question them in any way. In fact, I now never even ask my OH why he has done/is doing anything.
Maybe not making things up on purpose just realizing they can’t remember something like she was looking at my dishes in the dish strainer and I asked her (mother in law) if I could help her with something. It was obvious to me that she had forgotten that quick why She was standing there and said something quick like I was looking for something to eat and I guided her to our snacks and all was good so she really thought the food was in the dishes? I have not said anything and will not just trying to figure things out by reading and asking questions because we are not receiving any kind of help. Also my husband is disabled himself (neuropathy) is it ok that he is taking care of his 71 year old mother with dementia I mean since he is considered disabled and gets benefits. Sorry if so confusing just trying to sort things out, trying to help him.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,337
0
South coast
she was looking at my dishes in the dish strainer and I asked her (mother in law) if I could help her with something. It was obvious to me that she had forgotten that quick why She was standing there and said something quick like I was looking for something to eat and I guided her to our snacks and all was good so she really thought the food was in the dishes?
Yes, when you asked her what she was looking for, yes you are right, she would have forgotten why she had come in and had probably also forgotten that she had been looking in the dish washer. Her brain filled in the gap in her memory by saying that she had come in for something to eat and if you had asked why she was looking in the dishwasher she would probably have denied it, because her memory of doing that had gone and had been replaced by a false memory of just coming in to look for food.

Simply directing her to the snacks is exactly the right way to handle this.
 

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