take mum to great grandchild's baptism?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Lellyhelly, Jul 28, 2019.

  1. Lellyhelly

    Lellyhelly Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    11
    I am new here, my mum has alzheimers and has been in a care home for 3 months. She's coping OK but is increasingly confused. She just about recognises me most of the time. My first grandchild, mum's first great grandchild is to be baptised in a few weeks. This will be a big affair,lots of people attending, marquee and hogroast. My son would love his grandma to attend, but I am concerned that mum might find the occasion overwhelming
    Does anyone have any advice?

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  2. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    116
    Hi Lellyhelly and welcome to TP
    My mum has been diagnosed for 3 and a half years, still at home at the moment and recognising family members. She's ok if we go out for a meal in a very small group, and seems to enjoy this, tho withdrawn and not following the conversation.
    I think my mum would find a big affair very overwhelming. Does she recognise your son. I can understand why he would like her there, but feel that this would impact on your enjoyment of this special occasion too, you will be responsible for her. Would it not be possible to take photos, record the baptism to share with your mum later in the care home? Your son could also take the baby to visit to share with his nan too.
     
  3. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,169
    Merseyside
    I’d go with your instinct that it would overwhelm her. @anxious annie says, your son could take the baby to visit with cake & photos.
     
  4. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,295
    SW London
    I wouldn't. She may well have no idea what is going on, and big social occasions with lots of people can be very confusing/anxiety making for anyone with dementia.

    I would tell your son that sadly, your mum's dementia means that she's no longer at all likely to enjoy the occasion, and that it might well only confuse or agitate her.

    Some of us have had to learn this sort of lesson the hard way - I know we did, with my FiL. It was all too easy to assume that because he'd enjoyed this or that family occasion pre dementia, he would still enjoy similar occasions.
    How wrong we were - but you live and learn.
     
  5. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    757
    Male
    Newcastle
    It is not a good idea for her to go, sadly. It will take a lot of organising, be stressful for all concerned (especially you), take away from the enjoyment of a special occasion and, even if she knows what it is all about, she is unlikely to remember. If she goes and gets over-tired it could take days to get back to 'normal', undoing any progress that has been made in settling her into her care home. When my mother was in care she loved anything to do with babies and small children and derived great pleasure from this. The idea of showing photographs and taking the baby to see her sounds a much better prospect.
     
  6. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    979
    I agree. When my mother-in-law was in a care home , we never considered taking her out, even for Christmas dinner. There was no way she could cope with the change of venue, she became aggressive with the slightest change of routine
     
  7. Lellyhelly

    Lellyhelly Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    11
     
  8. Lellyhelly

    Lellyhelly Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    11
    your advice has been very helpful. Thankyou all for your replies.
     

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