1. Carole's girl

    Carole's girl Registered User

    Mar 18, 2016
    4
    Hello. I hope someone is able to offer me some advice? My mum is in her early seventies and has been showing signs of dementia for at least 12 months. She is in denial about it. She has been to the GP but we are unsure if she spoke with him about it. She won't tell us ANYTHING or talk about the issues she's having. Can we ask the GP surgery to tell us what was discussed? My Dad is in his late seventies and is really struggling with her. He is so very kind but my mum has never treated him particularly well. She, understandably (because of her health) is treating him very poorly - she won't let him leave her alone and will not allow him to visit family. We miss him and worry for him. Can anyone offer any advice? I really don't want my Dad's twilight years to be miserable and also want to make sure my Mum gets a diagnosis and therefore the support/treatment she will need?
     
  2. jorgieporgie

    jorgieporgie Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    1,985
    YORKSHIRE
    Hi Carole's girl.
    Sorry to hear about you Mum and especially your poor dad. What signs of dementia is she showing, why I am asking is would she know if you and your dad made an appointment at the GP and went with her as a family been concerned.
    Maybe the GP will refer her to the memory clinic for test. At least it will be one step closer to getting a diagnosis. Good luck I am sure it will get sorted out one way or another. xx
     
  3. Leswi

    Leswi Registered User

    Jul 13, 2014
    120
    Bedfordshire
    Would your mum listen to you if you asked her to let you go to GP with her as you are worried about her? In the early days with my mum that is what got her to the memory clinic via GP. I told her I was worried and wanted to keep her with me for as long as possible and that there may be medication she could take if she needed them, so best to know what was wrong rather than let things get worse. Prior to that her and dad had endless rows about the whole subject and I was caught in the middle. Mum is now in very advanced stage sadly.
     
  4. Carole's girl

    Carole's girl Registered User

    Mar 18, 2016
    4
    #4 Carole's girl, Mar 18, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2016
    Thank you

    Thanks for your reply. Really appreciated. Mum won't allow anyone to come to the GP with her. And gets very nasty if it's suggested :-(

    Sorry, forgot about symptoms. Her memory is terrible. She cannot be reasoned with. She repeats herself a lot. She gets very distressed in the company of others - she feels excluded or ignored when that isn't the case. She can be very very rude to family and to others - it can be really awkward.
     
  5. Carole's girl

    Carole's girl Registered User

    Mar 18, 2016
    4
    Thank you

    I'm sorry about your Mum. My mum and I aren't close - her choice not mine. My Dad is very reluctant to raise the issue with her because whenever he does my mum just goes off like a bomb. It makes his life really really difficult. My brother is a little closer to my mum but she won't discuss it with him. My mum is physically very fit - she runs 10k plus about 2/3 times each week.
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,793
    Female
    Scotland
    When she's doing her running can your Dad get that time to himself? If not can you get her a running partner to free him up?
     
  7. Carole's girl

    Carole's girl Registered User

    Mar 18, 2016
    4
    Thank you

    That's a brill suggestion. She runs with a club but ask my Dad to take her and collect her. I don't think there's enough time for him to do very much. I'll ask him as he could maybe use the time better.
     
  8. Clueless2

    Clueless2 Registered User

    May 14, 2015
    34
    Your mum sounds so very like how mine was a couple of years ago.

    If you haven't already sorted Powers of Attorney now is the time. My mum thought the sun shone out of my brothers proverbial, so we utilised him; he suggested the POA, he talked her through the paperwork and got the all important signature (both my parents did them together, so that it was clear to her that it was a normal thing to do now she was 70, 80...) he took her to the GP, Memory Clinic...

    Perhaps her running group friends could be persuaded to collect her and drop her home? "your dads car might need to go to the garage....."

    It's tough though all the same. My mum was paranoid, wouldn't like my dad to be on the phone, if family / friends visited and she wasn't included in the conversation she would storm out of the room and give my dad a very hard time later.

    Once the POA is sorted you will be able to write to her GP, tell him/ her all of your concerns, especially the impact upon your dad. Suggest that GP calls her in for a routine appointment, flu jab, etc. and then assess her and point you in the right direction for further assistance, none of which must be traced back to you!

    My mum would not accept any help, completely in denial of her condition. Sadly eventually she deteriorated and is now much calmer and happier as she is further along the journey. Good luck, there is plenty of good help available on here.
     
  9. carrieboo

    carrieboo Registered User

    Feb 1, 2016
    110
    herts uk
    You have my sympathy, my mum finally had an assessment with a memory nurse today, it has taken over a year - cancelled appointments, hidden or destroyed letters, point blank refusal to leave the house and I have LPA! However, you don't (I think) need to have LPA to just write or email her GP with your concerns. He cannot discuss her with you but he can read your letter and put it on her file.

    There's a helpful podcast on this site, go to 'forum home' and scroll down to AS podcasts. It's called something like 'getting your relative to the doctor', and I think on there they suggest that you write to the GP.

    I actually made some notes about my mum's symptoms and behaviour and handed it surreptitiously to the nurse before she talked to mum as it would have been very difficult to be completely candid with mum sitting there. The nurse said they were very helpful in forming a complete picture.

    It's worrying and frustrating in equal measure... Good luck.
     

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