Hello all,
I've just joined in the hope of finding somewhere to talk. My granny has dementia, is thankfully settled in residential care and usually very muddled but happy enough. I live about 170miles from my side of the family so don't see her often, meaning that she isn't often completely sure who I am but does still seem to recognise my face.
She's my mums mum so she is the main carer/ visitor but I also have a sister with two young children that lives much closer to them than I do.
What I'm struggling with just now is that my mum seems to find me the easiest to talk to, which I'm grateful she feels she can but it has got to the point that I usually can't face her phonecalls because they are always very negative and upset me. She seems to be in the past still although I left home 5 years ago and my sister even earlier. We lost our granddad (her dad) suddenly 6 years ago and she is still really struggling with everything. We all miss him terribly and it's a sense of loss that my granny is not the woman she used to be either. They were a huge part of our lives growing up and I'm so grateful my granny is still around even in a different way. I love her and all my family dearly, there aren't many of us but I'm feeling under huge pressure to look after them all.
Recently my mum and sister had a falling out because my sister finds it really difficult to visit my granny and see her changing. She worded it badly and now my mum is really upset.
I'm only 24, have recently left the military to train for my dream job at uni and with lots of travelling and shift work. I got married 6 months ago and my husband is so supportive but works away and has never encountered dementia before.
I can't keep listening to these phonecalls and cope with trying to improve my own mental health too (which she doesn't know about) but I don't feel I can tell her. We are all trying to encourage her to get help but she either doesn't or goes back on steps towards help to cope.
I can't make her get help and she isn't able to see it when I try and give her a different perspective on something so it's not always so negative but I hope I can find somewhere to let all this out because it's starting to get to me and disturb my sleep. I don't want to tell them how I feel because I think it'll only make them worse and upset them more.
I'm sorry for the essay.
I've just joined in the hope of finding somewhere to talk. My granny has dementia, is thankfully settled in residential care and usually very muddled but happy enough. I live about 170miles from my side of the family so don't see her often, meaning that she isn't often completely sure who I am but does still seem to recognise my face.
She's my mums mum so she is the main carer/ visitor but I also have a sister with two young children that lives much closer to them than I do.
What I'm struggling with just now is that my mum seems to find me the easiest to talk to, which I'm grateful she feels she can but it has got to the point that I usually can't face her phonecalls because they are always very negative and upset me. She seems to be in the past still although I left home 5 years ago and my sister even earlier. We lost our granddad (her dad) suddenly 6 years ago and she is still really struggling with everything. We all miss him terribly and it's a sense of loss that my granny is not the woman she used to be either. They were a huge part of our lives growing up and I'm so grateful my granny is still around even in a different way. I love her and all my family dearly, there aren't many of us but I'm feeling under huge pressure to look after them all.
Recently my mum and sister had a falling out because my sister finds it really difficult to visit my granny and see her changing. She worded it badly and now my mum is really upset.
I'm only 24, have recently left the military to train for my dream job at uni and with lots of travelling and shift work. I got married 6 months ago and my husband is so supportive but works away and has never encountered dementia before.
I can't keep listening to these phonecalls and cope with trying to improve my own mental health too (which she doesn't know about) but I don't feel I can tell her. We are all trying to encourage her to get help but she either doesn't or goes back on steps towards help to cope.
I can't make her get help and she isn't able to see it when I try and give her a different perspective on something so it's not always so negative but I hope I can find somewhere to let all this out because it's starting to get to me and disturb my sleep. I don't want to tell them how I feel because I think it'll only make them worse and upset them more.
I'm sorry for the essay.