There is a 18 year difference between me and my husband and we have been together for 27 years. Of course we both knew we would not grow old together and share in a leisurely retirement. When he retired he took on the housework, shopping etc while I continued with work. Although I grumbled about having to work for quite a number of years before retirement I was content with my job and with the value it brought to my and our life. Never did I anticipate Alzheimer's disease. We do not have children together and the contact he had with his son dwindled over the year to no contact at all now. I took responsibility for his care, reducing working hours eventually resigning in November 2019 after reaching burnout and feeling that it was the right thing to do for us. Financially very difficult but we managed until 5 months ago when he needed to be taken into full time care. Now the age difference rears its head. Now at 57 I was faced with no income, having to turn to universal credit, having to look for work, faced with the fear of not finding a job, the gap in my CV, age discrimination, lack of confidence, the dread of starting again, etc etc. The most worrying is fearing the loss of the home that we built together. I retain the feeling of exhaustion, which brings the added feeling and fear of not being able to cope with a full time role. But guess what - I had an interview 2 weeks ago and will be starting a new job at the end of this month. It's part time and no where near the wage I was earning, but I felt the overriding decision in looking for a job was to go for something that really appeals to me, with no heavy responsibilities so that I can be relaxed when visiting my husband. Yes there have been feelings of resentment and abandonment but against the dementia not against the man I love. I admit it's hard having to make a new start, I've always been a loner and he was the focus of my life.
What I feel bad about is that he is being left behind and cannot share a new start.