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Sundowning

Lorraine D

New member
Jan 31, 2020
9
My mums is showing more signs of sundowning a lot more frequently now. She keeps wanting to go home, asking when the furniture people are coming and even beginning to pack a suitcase some days. I always reassure her and tell her we are going nowhere and this is our home, but she then worries about paying the bills and money ( I take care of all that) , and even said she will need to get a part time job. I live with her. I have had a urine test done and there is no infection. Has anyone got any tips. I have got her jig saws, puzzle books , extra lighting and we go out daily for little walks. Any advise would be appreciated , Thank you. x
 

Hazara8

Registered User
Apr 6, 2015
508
My mums is showing more signs of sundowning a lot more frequently now. She keeps wanting to go home, asking when the furniture people are coming and even beginning to pack a suitcase some days. I always reassure her and tell her we are going nowhere and this is our home, but she then worries about paying the bills and money ( I take care of all that) , and even said she will need to get a part time job. I live with her. I have had a urine test done and there is no infection. Has anyone got any tips. I have got her jig saws, puzzle books , extra lighting and we go out daily for little walks. Any advise would be appreciated , Thank you. x
Very tricky at the outset, but if reassurance can eliminate the obvious, I.e. " this is our home " or " we are not doing this or that" in the body of reassurance, this might help. The ' going home ' is very often a kind of internal plea for security rather than a literal request. None of this is at all easy, but once one becomes more familiar with behaviour borne out of dementia and understands that ' logic' is not really part of it and the one living with dementia actually " lives" a reality which cannot be challenged, then one can at least pay due reference to that reality and adjust ourselves to that as a given. Then when somebody swears to the high Heavens that the chicken on their plate is fish, you agree or you meet them appropriately. Otherwise, as I soon discovered, you can open up a potentially nightmare of behaviours and make things worse.

Dip into TALKING POINT and find folk who can not only empathise but can offer proven tools on dementia Care. Every case is different. Your story will be unique. But you are certainly not alone.
 

LHS

Registered User
Oct 5, 2018
72
Your words mirror very closely the behaviour that my mum displays often packing bags, not realising she is in fact at home and not able to start any meaningful activity without someone else prompting/supporting. Even if I am in the same room, perhaps trying to do some work on my laptop, mum becomes agitated and may not even be able to watch tv unless i watch too.

I think the answer is having a range of ideas in mind to deploy. My mum has live in care but I go round 3 times a week to see her and give the carer some decent breaks. The other evening i went round and was dreading how to occupy the evening. Then i was telling mum about a CD present I had bought my partner with an old, famous song on it i found the song on my phone and played it and mum knew more words than me! She has always been musical - we ended up having a very enjoyable evening with me playing various snippets on my phone and both of us joining in.
 

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