suggestions for aids to care please

[sistermillicent]

I am determined to get mum home from emergency care home place where the staff appear uncaring and not dementia aware. She went because she stopped walking or standing and it was too much for Dad who was getting over norovirus - it is the second time she has needed emergency placement in 6 weeks, in addition to her normal respite in a lovely place.

I think it is best to assume that her walking is not going to get back to where it was a couple of months ago, Dad won't have her in a home permanently so I want to get the best aids I can for him. (I live 150 miles away) The walking is a little better, we checked it out at the care home yesterday (the only comment the nurses and carers could offer was that she needs to learn to walk properly and not run as this is what makes her fall over....!!!!! ????? she has a tiny step shuffle, it's not running, and when did she fall?)
Needless to say the most helpful thing would be a couple of carers to get mum up and get her to bed. Even that is unlikely as Dad fears it will not be convenient for him.

What would anyone suggest? They have a wheelchair, but it doesn't fit in the bathroom. What about a commode? Are there any hoists that would be useful and portable and not too complex to use? I am thinking of one of those electric beds where you can be sat up for the days when she isn't well enough to get up ( we are getting those now)
Any suggestions or experience or advice please please post it as things have really deteriorated.

 

[jeany123]

If your dad won't have her home and she needs 24 hr care is she coming to live with you or are you hoping to arrange for her to go home anyway,

It seems to me that he can't cope and no amount of help will make any difference he would still be required to look after her 22 hours out of the 24 , or is there someone else living there with him,

Sorry if I misunderstood your post, this is just my opinion,

 

[Mums helper]

It sounds like your mum could do with an assessment from an Occupational Therapist, as after my mum had a stroke, they provided equipment for her at home, such as raised toilet seats, Zimmer frame on wheels and put handrails up. You could phone the Social Services Department and ask for them to meet with your dad and go from there.
We have recently had contact with the district nurses and they have told us they can provide a hospital bed if we need one.
Age concern have a helpline and can give advice as to where to start.
It is a worry when you live so far away but use the Internet and phone to see what services are available in your parents location.
Wishing you well.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[sistermillicent]

yes, you have misunderstood, I will clarify. I haven't explained it very well.
There is absolutely no way on earth I would take on looking after my mum.
I would like my mum to be in full time care in the lovely care home she goes to for respite regularly. I completely agree with you about dad not being able to manage.

My dad is insistent that she is cared for by him at home, it is impossible to change his mind. I have been trying for months. he has had three lots of surgery in the last two years. I have supported everything as much as I can and seeing mum in this awful place yesterday I just want her out of there. I have had to get mum into emergency respite four times in the last two years. Maybe more, I forget.

Mum doesn't yet need 24 hour nursing, just feeding, washing and mobilisation. I feel Dad may manage another few months with some help and some basic aids, I could walk away and say I want nothing to do with it or I could investigate what is possible, so I am doing the latter.

I would love to say to him that he is an obstinate old fool and that he is not doing the best for mum, that all his friends think the same and that I am sick to death of supporting him. But I can't really do that can I?

 

[jeany123]

Oh sorry my post wasn't helpful at all then, I thought he didn't want her home permanently I miss read it

The occupational therapist as Mums Helper says would be the best person to assess what your mum needs to live at home and make it easier for your dad to look after her, I hope you get something sorted and it all works out,

Best wishes Jeany x

 

[sistermillicent]

I think I knew it would have to be the OT, the last thing they gave Dad was a big inflatable thing to put under mum if she fell to the floor, utterly useless, they tried it out and even the OT couldn't manage it.

I know there are people on here who have managed care at home.

 

[jeany123]

I think I knew it would have to be the OT, the last thing they gave Dad was a big inflatable thing to put under mum if she fell to the floor, utterly useless, they tried it out and even the OT couldn't manage it.

I know there are people on here who have managed care at home.

They were very useful to me sistermillicent and gave my husband a bedrail to help him out of bed, some grab rails to help him off the toilet and grab rails and a shower seat with wheels and brakes for when he has a shower, but I suppose they are different in each area and it helps if you know what is needed in the first place then they can make suggestions,,

 

[bemused1]

With all the aids you can get,its still a mammoth task looking after someone of limited mobility. My oh is all but immobile,we have a ceiling hoist for him but you can get a sit to stand hoist if your mum has some mobility. Get your gp to refer you to an occupational therapist. One thing I did find is you need to have some idea what you need, they aren't big on coming in and saying you need this this and this.
We have an electric bed without which we wouldn't manage it spares backs as well as allowing sitting. Also we have a shower chair which is also a commode or will fit over the toilet. Your dad may qualify for adaptions such as a wet room depending on their financial position.
But with all this we have carers 3 times a day, its hard hard work
If I can help any further, pm me

 

[sistermillicent]

A few grab rails might be a big help, mum can sometimes hold on to things. I am particularly struck on the idea of a wet room, this would mean the whole bathroom could be adapted to manage a commode type seat to go over the loo and have a shower on. My dad would really like a wet room I think. It would be great for him too. And they can easily afford it.

I am interested that the electric bed was helpful.


I have seen first hand how hard it is as Dad has actually been struggling for some time, mum never moves without him beside her, supporting her, can't dress or undress at all, can't feed herself any more at all and hardly speaks. Dad is completely dedicated. The only things I am allowed to be in charge of are hair and beauty. Which we still try to maintain. Sometimes.

 

[Izzy]

We have a semi wet room as I decided to retain the bath for me. We have a walk in disabled access shower and the OT provide grab rails and a shower seat. We also have frames over bothe the bathroom toilet and the downstairs toilet. All of these are invaluable. An OT review/assessment would sort out what is needed for your mum. We happen to have a stair lift because my mum lives with us and needed it. After she died 3 years ago I didn't take it out. Now I use it for my husband and an so glad I didn't remove it!

My my also got a come for the bedroom from the OT.

 

[garnuft]

Electric bed, best place to get one, fastest supply, I mean...would have been hospital but if you pester them constantly on the phone, you'll get one.

Over bed table...OT's supply them too, much better than the ones you can buy. More articulated.

A supporting frame around the toilet as well as a commode.

Hand rails every where Mum walks, grabs, if rails won't fit.

Private house? Grants are available to change bathrooms into suitable rooms for disabled people with the added advantage that you have full input from LA's OT and know that it REALLY is suitable, not internet suitable.

Telecare?...a small fee each month but it keeps them linked at the press of a button to assistance.

Your Dad eh? talk about love and devotion. heart meltingly good to read, difficult when it's your Mum and Dad.

Keep fighting the good fight X

 

[Izzy]

Oh yes! Hospital bed. We got one through the district nurse. It's brilliant.