Sudden realisation - in tears


Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
Oh dear. We've been doing quite well, until just now. My dad is convinced that "someone" is stealing his sweets. We have assured him that neither I nor mum would eat them (as we both hate them). He doesn;t seem satisfied, and now thinks that "someone" is sneaking in at night to take them.

I'm sat on my own in tears, because it's made me realise how bad things are, that dad can believe such absurd things, and make accusations and yet say them as if they are perfectly reasonable. I said the wrong thing I know, saying "how or why would anyone sneak into a locked house at night to take a boiled sweet?"

It's so obvious that he just eats them and can't remember doing it. But it;s a measure of his dementia that he believes such a silly "explanation".

I guess it just suddenly brought me down to earth with a thump, that awful sick, lurching feeling you get in your stomach, it's like finding someone's cancer tumour has gotten bigger. You know it;s going to happen but that doesn;t make it any easier.

It doesn't help that mum confessed to me that he woke her up at 1:30am the other night shouting that he "had to find the thing in the whassname or I will get the sack" and started shouting and swearing about it because she couldn;t understand what he wanted, and pulling open cupboards and drawers.

I feel so bad that mum takes all this and I can't help.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Nebiroth,

I have always had an impression of your indomitable strength. Perhaps you have managed a very good cover up for a long time.

You`ve grappled with the paranoia, with the accusations against neighbours and with your father`s erratic and inappropriate behaviour.

Lately, there seems to have been a lull.

Now there is an issue of `missing sweets.`

Sometimes the realization of the truth hits us and it`s just too much.

Take care

Love xx


Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
Dear Nebiroth

It is when the realisation hits that it is most hard. For me it was when my Dad returned from the grave to haunt my Mum..she didn't know where he was and was convinced that he had run away from another woman. She also wondered why he wasn't taking her shopping.

Although she had been confused as to time and space for a while this for me was the hardest part..but you do get through it. It takes time to accept this new reality and move onwards from there. I sobbed for days at this time as I knew at this point, without a doubt, that my Mum wasn't coming back to me.

I wish I knew some words to make it easier but this isn't easy.





Registered User
Sep 26, 2007
My granny also had a similar experience of thinking someone was stealing her sweets. She then thought someone was stealing her perfume. It is understandably quite frightening for her to think that someone has been in her home.

We just try to reassure her and listen to her and gradually she calms down. But it is not easy.

EmJ :)


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
he woke her up at 1:30am the other night shouting that
I do so feel for you. I quote the above as it is so familiar. My husband wakes up in the night frequently with some 'odd' comment. The latest was ' where am I?' - answer from me - in bed with me!! So where is that? he says.

I just cannot sleep easy after such events.

Nebiroth: I am so sorry I cannot offer enough comfort. Words just do not seem enough. Just to say we do share your sadness in all this.

Take care Jan


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Dear Nebiroth,
I can identify with what your saying. Reality just isn't nice at times. Hope your feeling better. Best Wishes Taffy.

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Dear Nebiroth .... from someone who eithers acts like an ostrich or else regularly allows them to fall into a false sense of security that I have reached some plateau or level of acceptance - only to come crashing down big style - you have my every sympathy .....

I would just like to echo the admiration and thanks already offered to you here - I know I have gained so much from so many of your posts here. Goodness, if we didn't have a good sob sometimes ......

Just sending huge hugs and loves and hoping today has found you feeling a little better ....... , Karen, x