Such a change


Registered User
Aug 14, 2006
West Yorkshire
Hi All,

Back in the land of the living after having yet another op. Dave visited me in hospital only to complain bitterly about pain in his back and his arm, I realised then that he wasn't coping very well with me being under the weather.

I arrived home after a couple of days feeling rather poorly, (I still have to have treatment at the cancer hospital).

For the first two days he rocked backwards and forwards holding his arm and moaning, I had to quickly get on my feet and look after him as he said he couldn't do anything, he couldn't even go to our local shop even though he had managed to get to town to visit me and call at the charity shop where I work occasionally.

On my insistance, which is unusual for Dave, he is always at the doctor's, I asked him to go to the GP. It appears that it is something to do with his nervous system and alcohol. In his younger years and before he was diagnosed with AD two years ago he was a big drinker. He doesn't drink at all now.

I was only away from home for 3 nights and he has gone down hill so much. Soon I will be going into hospital for about 4 nights, I am so worried what he is going to be like.

I have a feeling it is because I am not there to look after him. My daughter has noticed a big change in him, he is even sleeping on the settee because he says it is better for him, we have a spare bedroom but he won't use it. All these things have happened since I came home last Saturday.

Has anyone had this experience, could it be the AD or is it a coincidence that these symptoms came on when I wasn't there?

Love Dee

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Dee.

I honestly believe you are your husband`s security and when you are away, or even if you are ill at home, he is terrified of losing you, and being alone.

My husband doesn`t even like me to go out alone, as he`s frightened I`ll have an accident.

Is there the faintest possibility he`ll go into respite care when you next go into hospital, or if someone can come to stay with him. When I went in hospital overnight, a while ago now, our son came to stay with his father, even though he only lives 5 minutes away.

Strange about sleeping on the settee. If we are not `friends`, even though we have a perfectly good spare bed, and even though I have never told my husband I didn`t want him with me, he has threatened to sleep on our sofa.

I hope your next stay in hospital is successful and you make a good recovery. I also hope you can get some care sorted out for your husband before you go in.

Please let us know how you get on.

Love xx


Registered User
Aug 14, 2006
West Yorkshire
Hi Sylvia,

Unfortunately I have no one to stay with Dave when I go into hospital, my daughter lives 5 minutes away but she has two young children, my son lives in Hampshire.

A few of my friends have mentioned respite but any mention of it, whether it be for a day or whatever he goes into a rage. He says he does not need it.

The cancer hospital is only a walk away from where we live so he may be a bit calmer. I will not be allowed visitors only Dave so I can't ask anyone to go with him, I think I will ask them to ring him and maybe visit him, it is very sad for him but he is not always good company, he only talks about himself, still I have very good friends who I think will cope with him while I am away.

My illness has made me realise how much my husband needs me. I long for the time I am better and he will then feel better, it must be such a frightening, lonely world for them.

I will let you know how I am, fingers crossed it will be good news.

Love Dee x


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Dee,
I suspect that it may have been the change in routine, that has just thrown Dave a little bit - no doubt you are his security, and maybe he felt a little lost. Cant be helped - you have to get your health sorted.

I had to smile at the sleeping on the settee - I go through phases, especially when I am wound up, where I would rather fall asleep on the settee than go to bed.

Love Helen