• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Struggling

hoby cat

Registered User
Jan 26, 2014
6
North Devon
I'm struggling to cope. My mum 76 with Alzheimer's lives with me, my oh & 4 boys age 9 to 15 in our shared house. She thinks that nothing is wrong with her, we can't have a conversation with her as she doesn't understand what we are saying. I don't know whether she knows who I am she hasn't called me by my name for months, she calls me the boss. Mum can walk & goes to the shops so people thinks she's OK, but I'm struggling to cope with her mood swings as well as moody teenagers.
The gp has now put me on anti depressants, feel a bit of a failure.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Oh goodness me, hobycat, you are about as far from being a failure as it's possible to get.

No wonder you're struggling in such busy and difficult circumstances. Do you have any help, support, or breaks of any kind? If not, could you contact social services and get an assessment done on your mum, and on your own needs as a carer? The two are separate things.

I know it might seem impossibly difficult to do this if your mum denies that there's anything wrong, but something needs to change otherwise you could become ill yourself. You're already on anti-depressants, and they will help I hope (been on them myself and they really did) but they won't change the situation.

Do keep posting as it helps to get it out, and you'll get lots of support here. x
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
You are not a failure love. You are doing the hardest thing in the world - being a Mum and a carer at the same time.

Have you asked for a carers assessment? Have you asked for daycare for your Mum, especially during the summer holidays when the kids will be home?

Please dont try to do this alone. Get some help in a practical way. You are caring for your Mum. That makes you a hero in our book. Keep posting about how you are doing. There is lots of advice here and lots of friends in the same boat.

Sending you a big hug.
love Quilty
 

hoby cat

Registered User
Jan 26, 2014
6
North Devon
Thanks CollegeGirl, I have had a carers assessment but haven't heard from them since. I have a lady that comes for 3 hours to take mum out. There are no day centres near here as they have shut them down. The CPN is coming to assess Mum tomorrow. My sister comes and looks after her so we can have a weeks holiday.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Chase them up. Sadly it seems that often the squeakiest wheel gets the most oil. If you don't make a fuss, they will assume you're coping. Cynical but often true.

Also, if there are no actual day centres, try care homes in your area. Some of them will take people for day care - I know this because my mam goes to a local home three times a week. She is the only day-care person there, all the others are residents. This was arranged originally because it was impossible for dad to have mam ready in time to go to a day centre. The home is more flexible with times and he can take her at lunchtime and pick her up after tea.

Don't despair, there are often alternative options than just the usual ones.

xx
 

liz56

Registered User
Feb 15, 2015
34
North Somerset
Like College girl , we use a care home for day care for my Dad, once a week. He goes mid morning, and stays for lunch & tea. They are lovely with him, and it's cheaper and more flexible than the local day centre ( which was full ). Also has the advantage of being all year round - he went one bank holiday , which meant OH and I had a whole day together without him, a rare treat!

Chase them up. Sadly it seems that often the squeakiest wheel gets the most oil. If you don't make a fuss, they will assume you're coping. Cynical but often true.

Also, if there are no actual day centres, try care homes in your area. Some of them will take people for day care - I know this because my mam goes to a local home three times a week. She is the only day-care person there, all the others are residents. This was arranged originally because it was impossible for dad to have mam ready in time to go to a day centre. The home is more flexible with times and he can take her at lunchtime and pick her up after tea.

Don't despair, there are often alternative options than just the usual ones.

xx
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
114,988
Messages
1,681,750
Members
65,996
Latest member
HiLinda