@Scotsfloat 12 people in a care home sounds amazing. Our Long Term Care homes are typically large institution like settings, there are 160 beds in my Mum's home. You have to go on a central provincial waiting list, having met very strict need for care requirements as determined by a CaseManager, then you pick 5 options and wait for your turn to come up. Unfortunately there are now so many people in crisis situations that the empty beds are being filled with them and seldom with people who have qualified to be placed on the list. There are no 'preferred' public homes because they are all government subsidized. There are 27 residents on my Mum's floor, 2-8 hour shifts of 3 personal service workers, 1 nurse and 1 dietary aid who serves the food at meal times. Overnight 8 hours there is 1 personal service worker and a 'floater' who goes between 3 wings of 27 residents. Most of the residents need some or total assistance with feeding, toileting and general mobility. There are only 2 residents who are ambulatory with no walking aids , both have dementia, the rest are on walking frames or in wheelchairs, most also have some form of dementia as well. You can imagine , the staff only has time to feed, toilet,shower and medicate the residents. There is a 'recreation person' who spends a couple of hours on the floor, but there are really no activities for most of the residents, only 3-4 residents are able to participate in the activities
The cost of a room with private toilet and sink is $2700 a month, which everyone pays regardless of personal finances. The province subsidizes everyone for costs above that , you can apply for a reduction in fees but only if you are in a shared room at $1950 a month ( most newer homes don't have the option of shared rooms) and have poverty level income. The cost of a total private pay home is somewhere between $7,000 and $10,000 a month which is beyond the means of most seniors who didn't have a company pension plan. To put it into perspective our government pensions for all seniors over 65 are around $600 a month in Old Age Pension, if you or your deceased spouse worked for 40 years at 65 you can also collect an average of $1000 per person, and about $500 if you are the survivor of a worker. So my Mum gets $1600 a month and pays that and an additional $1100 a month for her room. She lived in a Private Pay Retirement Assisted living home for a year at $3600 a month with only 1 1/2 hour carer visit a day until she couldn't manage on her own. My Dad was in Respite once a month for a couple of years, then in a Care home for a year as well so the costs have eaten up most of the proceeds from selling their house years ago. So in addition to everything else there is the worry that her funds will last for 3 more years ( until she is 90) then it will fall to my husband and I to make up the difference . I have one brother who is mostly an invisible, he visits once every 2 months or so, because his wife says 'It is really hard on him to see her' Yes for real !!! My daughter is wonderful, she drops in at least 1-2 times a week for half an hour on her way home from work, and helps me with Mum's nightie ( her one arm is contracting so it can be a bit like wrestling!) My son and husband visit about once a month. In some strange way it is actually easier when it is just me as I don't have to see the anguish on everyone's faces when they see her. I just love her so much and she is so vulnerable I just can't Not go so I only rarely miss my daily visit and if I just can't get there I try to have one of them drop by just so she is not completely alone . I know it doesn't make sense to people who have not lived it, especially when they say,'but would she know if you're not there?' I always respond by saying, 'but I would know I wasn't there. It doesn't leave much time or energy for anything else but it is a choice I am making and my family are supporting my choice, but somedays it's just overwhelming isn't it?
I appreciate the hugs and support, thank you so much just for listening . I find it hard to accept hugs in person because I am afraid I will break and not be able to keep it together, so thank you and virtual hugs back!
Dementia really is a ***** isn't it.
