Struggling with guilt

[cymbid]

mum is almost 92 . lives alone . Has her bed downstairs . Is unsteady on her feet and has fallen frequently . my brother does her shopping but she eats often out of date food. It is a constant fight to throw out old food , mouldy bread etc. Also lazy about changing clothes etc.
Last week she asked me to give her a shower. I did it once before , years ago when she got a new knee. But she was ok mentally then. This time it felt like this might be the start of something new.
It made me think of when i did this for my late husband just before he died of cancer . Its 15 years ago .
I realise I do not want to care for my mother like i did for him. I do not want to get into personal care .
She will not consider carers . Thinks she can manage on her own

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @cymbid

Guilt is something that we carers have to deal with all too frequently. That said, everyone has their own 'line in the sand' and it seems like you have reached yours so try to drop the feeling of guilt.

There comes a time when 'need' outweighs 'want' so would it help if you were to contact Social Services and set up a needs assessment, to which your mum(and yourself) is entitled. Your mum may accept advice fro such an 'official' source.

 

[cymbid]

She had a lady come and help her shower back when she had her new knee (once) She hated it . and made herself manage alone. I know if she can she will manage (if not in shower, then with sponge baths at sink) On one hand I think great , as long as she can, alll power to her . On the other I know time will come