Struggling to care for my grandad with dementia

[Slgreen]

Hi everyone, never posted on here before but I'm hoping for some advice.

My grandad Has had dementia for 3 years now, he's deteriorating quickly now, I'm the only person who sees him, cares for him and takes him anywhere.
Previous family members stole alot of money of him so he always thinks somebody is out to steal his money and that's the reason why he refused carers and social services to help him. .
When I was little I loved stayed over, He was always house proud but now it's so dirty, he doesn't even store food properly.
I do my best to clean for him and help, but I have 3 children at home all under the age of 6 and I work aswell.

I know 100% he has no idea who I am, and he can't remember anything from the day before,on Christmas morning he didn't even know it was Christmas! He gets so upset all the time because he doesn't know where his family are.
I just don't know what to do

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Slgreen, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

Unfortunately personal histories like this are all too common. There does come a time when one person can't provide what is needed and Social Services do have to be involved as needs outweigh wants.

Do take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hi everyone, never posted on here before but I'm hoping for some advice.

My grandad Has had dementia for 3 years now, he's deteriorating quickly now, I'm the only person who sees him, cares for him and takes him anywhere.
Previous family members stole alot of money of him so he always thinks somebody is out to steal his money and that's the reason why he refused carers and social services to help him. .
When I was little I loved stayed over, He was always house proud but now it's so dirty, he doesn't even store food properly.
I do my best to clean for him and help, but I have 3 children at home all under the age of 6 and I work aswell.

I know 100% he has no idea who I am, and he can't remember anything from the day before,on Christmas morning he didn't even know it was Christmas! He gets so upset all the time because he doesn't know where his family are.
I just don't know what to do

Hi @Slgreen

You have 3 small children and work. You can't do all of this yourself, it is far too much, you will suffer and so will your children. I think it is time that the social services took over whether your grandad likes it or not.

I know it sounds harsh but you cannot carry on like this and if your grandad realised he would agree. You will get other answers very soon that will be more helpful but will probably echo what I have said.

Your young family take priority here. Well done for coping up to now but your grandad needs more than you can possibly provide without affecting your family.

Wishing you well but you must get help.

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @Slgreen.

I agree with everyone that you cannot care for you grandad by yourself. You need to put the needs of your young family first.

I resisted getting professional carers for my dad for a long time. I though I could manage and I thought my dad would refuse any help from anyone outside the family. He said as much. But when I eventually got to the point that I couldn’t cope and brought in carers out of desperation - it was brilliant!
Dad accepted their help without question and it took a lot of pressure off of me. Dad was also cared for better than I’d been managing on my own.

Don’t try to do it alone. Help is out there.

 

[Rosettastone57]

Hi everyone, never posted on here before but I'm hoping for some advice.

My grandad Has had dementia for 3 years now, he's deteriorating quickly now, I'm the only person who sees him, cares for him and takes him anywhere.
Previous family members stole alot of money of him so he always thinks somebody is out to steal his money and that's the reason why he refused carers and social services to help him. .
When I was little I loved stayed over, He was always house proud but now it's so dirty, he doesn't even store food properly.
I do my best to clean for him and help, but I have 3 children at home all under the age of 6 and I work aswell.

I know 100% he has no idea who I am, and he can't remember anything from the day before,on Christmas morning he didn't even know it was Christmas! He gets so upset all the time because he doesn't know where his family are.
I just don't know what to do

If you wait for a person with dementia to ask for help or see your point of view you will wait forever . As other posters have already said your grandad's needs have come to the point where they outweigh what he wants. This illness sadly is progressively deteriorating and if it's got to the point where he no longer knows who you are I think you need ask for professional help. Your priority should be your family and children and you are entitled to a life of your own with them. If you don't get any help your feelings will amount to even more resentment than you have now and will have a serious impact on your children and family . You may feel you have a moral duty to provide care but in fact the duty of care actually lies with the state. You need to ask social services for a needs assessment. It sounds to me already as if your Grandad quite frankly needs 24-hour supervision

 

[Slgreen]

Thank you for all your help everyone.
I've been in contact with social services and I will update you on what happened next.