My mother 82, she’s got some sort of MCI/dementia that seems to be progressing slowly for now (I suspect vascular she has had 2 stroke one aged 38), and she lives in the US. It is a huge struggle to find out all the information, make all the decisions on my own, try to do the best things for her, never mind what it’s doing to me, my full-time job which has switched to remote which is hard to get used to and stay motivated. I’ve left behind my own family including a very unhappy 18 year old just rejected very belatedly from the uni of choice and having to do stupid fake A-levels due to CoVID, then leave school abruptly the next day; a 20 year old moving flat for the 4th time as can’t stand her lockdown flatmates anymore and failed HER exams uncharacteristically due to stress and boredom with prison zoom uni, and even my poor old dog aged 13, left with the busy family in England who have no time for her, and is pining and not eating.
DH at least is being a star, sorting out our much-delayed house purchase and organised bathroom refurb etc so mum can stay with us and have a shower, without breaking her neck, hopefully she will still be continent and still willing to do the the self care things by the time we move in.
The old threads here on past expat dilemmas are interesting and it has never been easy, but the world has changed so very much. The US and Britain’s quickly become even more hostile to immigrants and dual nationals such as myself, my UK born mother and my children, and we are having epic struggles to even get basic services like bank accounts and passport renewals. I’m not the only one in my health-care workplace to be feeling very unappreciated and wonder why We ever settled there with falling wages and ever increasing workloads. We have paid taxes throughout and will be self-funding, due to our careful saving and dull inexpensive lives.
I’m sad and stressed with myself today, I’ve had to cut back on my dose of antidepressants because I couldn’t get enough to cover my extended visit and DH won’t send them because he thinks it’s illegal (too late now, the postal service is a mess). I forgot a family zoom phone call that mum would have enjoyed, instead taking her out to a garden centre and for an Ice-cream for Mother’s Day here, which she didn’t enjoy much - I keep forgetting she just stands around staring at single things when she used to love browsing when shopping, and takes forever to move unless I chivvy all the time. Same with the ice cream, took forever to pick one, and then she didn’t like it. 3 pm the wrong time of day to have an ice-cream apparently! Who knew!
There are crises at home with a Charity I am the chair of the board of trustees for my sins and they keep having meetings at 6 am my time, plus I’m too tired to be dealing with all the griping and in-fighting long-distance anyway. I’m starting to think more than one person there has serious mental or cognitive issues too! I see it everywhere I look now, lol.
Mum’s supposed to be the one who forgets everything, but I just can’t hold it all in my head! I’ve done the US POA wills etc and paid a hefty lawyer bill, but now have to do it all again for UK because they are different. I also can’t afford to fund it all, and mum can, but I have to go begging to her all the time and she immediately forgets what she agreed to or why I need her to go to an appointment at bank, lawyer or to sign something! My idiot cousin keeps ringing up and lamenting to mum that she is moving back to England forever (she says, “I am? No I am not!!” and how he will miss her (he never called or visited once) when I have assured her it’s just a holiday, thanks a bunch cuz! I’m hoping to bring her back temporarily to US in autumn for a medical appointment but it depends how fast her dementia progresses. She won’t be entitled to NHS treatment until she sells her house and gets her ancient UK passport renewed which is a nightmare, and she will lose her US healthcare if she lets it lapse because she now has cancer diagnosed in January, which is now a pre-existing condition under treatment here (it seems to be under control for now).
DH at least is being a star, sorting out our much-delayed house purchase and organised bathroom refurb etc so mum can stay with us and have a shower, without breaking her neck, hopefully she will still be continent and still willing to do the the self care things by the time we move in.
The old threads here on past expat dilemmas are interesting and it has never been easy, but the world has changed so very much. The US and Britain’s quickly become even more hostile to immigrants and dual nationals such as myself, my UK born mother and my children, and we are having epic struggles to even get basic services like bank accounts and passport renewals. I’m not the only one in my health-care workplace to be feeling very unappreciated and wonder why We ever settled there with falling wages and ever increasing workloads. We have paid taxes throughout and will be self-funding, due to our careful saving and dull inexpensive lives.
I’m sad and stressed with myself today, I’ve had to cut back on my dose of antidepressants because I couldn’t get enough to cover my extended visit and DH won’t send them because he thinks it’s illegal (too late now, the postal service is a mess). I forgot a family zoom phone call that mum would have enjoyed, instead taking her out to a garden centre and for an Ice-cream for Mother’s Day here, which she didn’t enjoy much - I keep forgetting she just stands around staring at single things when she used to love browsing when shopping, and takes forever to move unless I chivvy all the time. Same with the ice cream, took forever to pick one, and then she didn’t like it. 3 pm the wrong time of day to have an ice-cream apparently! Who knew!
There are crises at home with a Charity I am the chair of the board of trustees for my sins and they keep having meetings at 6 am my time, plus I’m too tired to be dealing with all the griping and in-fighting long-distance anyway. I’m starting to think more than one person there has serious mental or cognitive issues too! I see it everywhere I look now, lol.
Mum’s supposed to be the one who forgets everything, but I just can’t hold it all in my head! I’ve done the US POA wills etc and paid a hefty lawyer bill, but now have to do it all again for UK because they are different. I also can’t afford to fund it all, and mum can, but I have to go begging to her all the time and she immediately forgets what she agreed to or why I need her to go to an appointment at bank, lawyer or to sign something! My idiot cousin keeps ringing up and lamenting to mum that she is moving back to England forever (she says, “I am? No I am not!!” and how he will miss her (he never called or visited once) when I have assured her it’s just a holiday, thanks a bunch cuz! I’m hoping to bring her back temporarily to US in autumn for a medical appointment but it depends how fast her dementia progresses. She won’t be entitled to NHS treatment until she sells her house and gets her ancient UK passport renewed which is a nightmare, and she will lose her US healthcare if she lets it lapse because she now has cancer diagnosed in January, which is now a pre-existing condition under treatment here (it seems to be under control for now).
