1. Super Gardener

    Super Gardener New member

    Sep 14, 2019
    My mother has recently been diagnosed with mixed dementia, Alzheimer’s, vascular dementia etc. She has rapidly deteriorated and is exhibiting a range of worrying behaviour. So I arranged a friend to go in daily to oversee mediation and meals and a bit of company. It lasted 3 weeks and my mum found out she was paying and threw my friend out. I then arranged professional carers and told a ‘ therapeutic’ lie and said the government was paying for it. They lasted 3 weeks, she refused entry and threatened to call the police.

    Anyhow she had hip replacement and has been a nightmare on the ward, forgetting she had an operation, not using walking aids, falling over, etc. Hospital and I agree she needs 24 hour care and should not return home. Did I mention she won’t do her exercises and is not improving her mobility.

    Social services did a short ward assessment and decided she was fine to go home and have carers visit 4 times a day.

    I pointed out she won’t have them in the house and she will climb up stairs whatever anyone says. He ignored me. She also visits the toilet every hour during the night!

    I have been advised to appeal and the hospital have also appealed.

    My feeling is I put her somewhere safe rather than wait for social services experiment to fail and my mum become hurt.
    Any advice?
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Will your mother be self-funding, or will she be relying on LA support? That makes a difference as in, it’s a lot easier to do when you are self-funding. If you aren’t you are going to have to be extremely pushy about it. You need as much supporting documentation you can get from everywhere about why she is unsafe in her home. You need to refuse discharge until they adequately address your concerns. You need to throw around the terms “duty of care” and “vulnerable adult” and you need to get as much as you can in writing. It’s sounds like you have the hospital social services people on your side, so you have a head start.

    It’s doable, you just need to be prepared to be unrelenting. Make it harder for them to send her home than pay for care in a care home. You don’t need to be rude, but you do need to be stubborn.
  3. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    As has already been said, advice depends on the funding situation. If your mum is self funding and you have POA for finances, you can organise a care home without social services involvement. Which is what I did for my mother-in-law last year. If the local authority is involved, then it's a different matter and others will be along soon with better advice.
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @Super Gardener
    a warm welcome from me too

    I agree that it's time to be firm, not easy I appreciate

    maybe put all your concerns in writing, bullet points, and give/ send a copy to the hosptal mmedics, social workers and your mum's GP
    ask if there is a Dementia Matron (or similar title) and speak with them

    see if the PALS in the hospital can help, as they will know the systems there

    make it clear that you believe your mum will be 'at risk of harm' if she returns home, that she will fall and end up back in hospital as a 'failed discharge' which will be a 'safeguarding' issue

    ask for a 'best interests' meeting as you consider it is not in her best interests to be sent home ... request that she at least be moved to residential care to recuperate and be assessed further

    if you there are LPAs in place and she will be self-funding, you can try looking at local care homes and see if there is a place free, then have them come out to assess her ...
    this explains about paying care fees

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