Stealing

[Smokey12]

My husband has mixed dementia I take him out of the home 3 times a week but he keeps stealing from shops and gets aggressive if I don’t take him

 

[Jessbow]

Out of your home, or out of a residential home?

ould you perhaps go for awalk in a country park or somesuch, or are you having to do your grocery shopping?

 

[Smokey12]

A nursing home he gets so angry when I won’t take him to shops

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Smokey12

This happened to a friend of mine who quietly paid for the items her husband lifted and carried a card saying her husband had dementia. Do you think this would be a possibility for you?

Of course it does depend on what your husband is lifting. With my friend it was small items which were easily afforded.

 

[MartinWL]

I think if you take him into a shop knowing that he will be stealing goods that makes you an accessory to crime. You mustn't do it. Sadly PWD cannot always be allowed to do what they want if it impinges on others.

 

[LynneMcV]

My husband would sometimes take things away without paying. He wasnt stealing, he was forgetting to pay. I had an arrangement with the local corner shop that they would let me know what he'd forgotten to pay for and I 'd sort it out. I was worried about him doing something similar in one of the high street shops where the shop keeper might not know him. I raised the issue with our local neighbourhood policing team and they were very helpful and supportive. He never did forget to pay for something in the bigger stores but I knew the local police were aware of his condition should the matter arise.

 

[Grannie G]

I think if you take him into a shop knowing that he will be stealing goods that makes you an accessory to crime. You mustn't do it. Sadly PWD cannot always be allowed to do what they want if it impinges on others.

This is correct. I might have worded it badly. It was never done with intention but happened on a couple of occasions.

It`s always good for carers to have a dementia ID card with them. It`s so much easier to show than to explain.

 

[Jessbow]

So, does he have a reason for wanting to go shopping? if he is in a home, he doesnt need to buy food etc.

What sort of shops is he demanding you take him to , or is it any shop? Is there something specific he picks up and pockets, or is it just anything from anywhere?

What have you done about it so far? Has he been 'caught' shoplifting ?

 

[canary]

You dont have to agree with everything that someone with dementia says, or go along with what they want - especially as he is now in a residential home.

I honestly wouldnt take him to the shops and if he gets angry you can always cut the visit short. If he is out when he suddenly decides he wants to go to the shops, then just takes him back to the home and maybe think about not taking him out at all for a while

Its no longer all about his wants.

 

[Grannie G]

Thinking about it, I would refuse to take anyone out if I thought it would be so difficult to manage

 

[canary]

Further to my previous post, Id like to point out that there are ways of saying "no" to him
If you say "no, Im not going to" then this is bound to make him angry - he wants to go and cannot see any reason whey he should not, so in his mind you are just being selfish and unreasonable......

Try using "love lies" and starting the sentence with "yes", even though you are actually saying no...... Say - "yes, that would be nice, but its a bank holiday and all the shops are shut/they are doing road works and the roads are closed/theres been a huge accident and massive traffic jams/the car is broken and needs repairs/etc" - choose whichever best suits your purposes.

You may have tried all of this, and if he still gets angry cut the visit short.

 

[MartinWL]

@canary is a marvelous mistress of mendacious misstatements and has an impressive imagination! However I think this isn't so easy, unless at a late stage, I can't imagine my dad being duped so easily!