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Sorting out Money Matters - Where to get Help

Blue_Gremlin

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
89
41
Morecambe, UK
Confused

We have no intention of robbing her, in fact that is what we are trying to prevent anyone else from doing in the future, especially if she has to go into a home. My husband is afraid that her house will be taken and sold to pay for nursing care if she does have to go into a home. It sounds selfish but that house is his inheritance and we both know it would kill her if she knew it had to be sold, she has been there for over 50 years. And no she is not a millionaire, just a bit of savings, her pension and her house are all she has.

My husband is saying we should just get her to sign the EPA anyway and get one of her sisters to witness it (who would be one of the ones needing notification anyway) but I am not sure I could settle my conscience on that one, because even though I know it is the only thing we can do to make sure she is provided for in the future, I also know she would have no concept of what she was signing. :(
 

noelphobic

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
3,452
Liverpool
I would get her to sign if you can. If her siblings are happy with it then go ahead. As for possibly losing the house, well we're in the same position. My dad died in November 2005 and my mum has been in 2 care homes since then. The Local Authority has a charge on the house which means that when it is sold they get paid their money before anything else is paid out. The only way round this would be to be put on fully funded nhs care. I am considering trying to pursue tis route at the moment. However, I made an official complaint about her first care home to the CSCI and their response has been a complete whitewash. I need to lick my wounds for a while before I take anything else on!
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Hiya Blue Gremlin,
Sod the conscience! As one whose father has had to become involved with Court of Proection and Receivership, get the EPA. I wish that we had known about being able to do it ourselves, and notifying the three nearest relatives; unfortunately we had a solicitor involved. The C of P have become more efficient over the last 24 months (prior to that it was horrendous), but we are in regular correspondence with them; dad still makes most of the decisions on mum's behalf, but we have to do it via a third party.
Amy
 

Blue_Gremlin

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
89
41
Morecambe, UK
Amy said:
Hiya Blue Gremlin,
Sod the conscience! As one whose father has had to become involved with Court of Proection and Receivership, get the EPA. I wish that we had known about being able to do it ourselves, and notifying the three nearest relatives; unfortunately we had a solicitor involved.
Amy
Part of my problem now is that we went to see a solicitor about doing the form with him and having spoken to my grandmother-in-law I really wish we hadn't gone to him. He hasn't actually seen her yet, we were just asking if he would be willing to help us. Now I don't want him to because I know he will say she isn't able to sign it, but I am not sure how to get rid of him without raising suspicion. :confused:

Blue_Gremlin
 

Blue_Gremlin

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
89
41
Morecambe, UK
A strange question

I have a bit of a strange question to ask. It is about witnesses on the EPA forms. Firstly, can the same person be witness to all parts or does each person have to have a seperate witness? And secondly, what happens if the witness for the 'donor' dies not long after signing the form - does a new form need to be signed??

Blue_Gremlin
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Just say that you are going elsewhere, or have decided not to do it, or say nothing. For you this is a significant problem, for the solicitor you are just another Joe Bloggs asking questions.
Amy
 

Michael E

Registered User
Apr 14, 2005
619
Ronda Spain
Blue_Gremlin said:
Part of my problem now is that we went to see a solicitor about doing the form with him and having spoken to my grandmother-in-law I really wish we hadn't gone to him. He hasn't actually seen her yet, we were just asking if he would be willing to help us. Now I don't want him to because I know he will say she isn't able to sign it, but I am not sure how to get rid of him without raising suspicion. :confused:

Blue_Gremlin
Solicitors are just small business people who want to earn money!

Just phone him up and say you have changed your mind and you do not want him to go ahead with the EPA. It is your right - if he asks why just say 'I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND.' If he/she continues to question you just say
'leave me alone - stop pestering me! If you do not stop interfering I will report you to the Law Society... "

I am certain in fact he/she will stop all involvement once you demand that of him/her. If you have left the form with the solicitor then the easiest route may be to simply order another form from the gov dept.

In the mean time get onto the help line I have previously posted and order the forms and help booklet and just go ahead yourself - forget the solicitor. When your mother-in-law signs with the witness it is simply your 'opinion' at 'that very precise moment in time' that she is capable of understanding what she is signing.

No other person in the world except you and the witness can know if that is true or not or even to what extent it is true.... There is no way the solicitor can gainsay what you have done - and why should they?

Solicitors desperately want you to use them because in this PC world we are all discovering that for the most part they are simply very ordinary people trying to make money out of other ordinary people that actually do not need their help!

The same person can be the witness to all parts of the form - Your sister or your MIL's sister can witness both places on the form. You only need a 2nd witness if the person is so incapacitated they cannot sign at all..

If you have any worries about filling in the form or the subsequent registration then post them here and I and others will help - or PM me - or simply call the help line - they do not know who you are and their job in life is just to help people - you can give them job satisfaction!

Good luck with it - be brave - do not get into the situation where you still do everything but have to write a letter to a 3rd party first -

love

Michael
 

Blue_Gremlin

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
89
41
Morecambe, UK
Thanks

Thanks Michael,

We are just going to go ahead with it. We have the forms and the guidebook from the website so we just need to, as you put it, be brave and do it.

Thanks everyone and especially noelphobic for introducing me to this site, I would be lost without you guys.

Hugs

Blue_Gremlin
 

Michael E

Registered User
Apr 14, 2005
619
Ronda Spain
good for you Blue_Gremlin...

Who dares wins

Fortune favours the brave

and You gotta do what you gotta do...

most importantly -

you always regret the things you don't do...

all that 'cornflake packet' philosophy has got me into a lot of trouble over the years but mainly it has been fun....

break a leg

love

Michael
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Michael
I agree with all that you say.
At this moment in time and all things being equal it's all swings and roundabouts at the end of the day.
Must go the men in the white coats are here.
Best wishes
Norman :D
 

Blue_Gremlin

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
89
41
Morecambe, UK
Sorted

Hi guys

Just to let you know we got the EPA form sorted and signed today. Thanks for all your help and support.

I guess I should feel relieved or happy or something but I don't.

I am dreading the meeting with the doctor and social services on wednesday. :(

Blue_Gremlin
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
OK Blue Gremlin,
Get it off your chest, (unless you already have done and I've forgotten what you said!), why are you dreading the meeting on Wednesday? No, just reviewed the whole thread and seen why you are dreading Wednesday.
The thing to keep in mind is that you are doing what is best for your grandmother, that is your motivation. Dementia may not let her appreciate that, but you know it to be true. So whatever her reaction you can deal with it, because you are doing what is right to ensure that a vulnerable lady is safe and receiving the support and care that she needs. Were you not to include the GP and the Social Services then you would be letting her down. So be strong, try not to worry, remember that no matter how she reacts, you have a duty to protect her and ensure that she receives the help that she needs, even if she does not know that she needs it!
Take care, and let us know how it goes.
Amy.
 

Blue_Gremlin

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
89
41
Morecambe, UK
Amy said:
So whatever her reaction you can deal with it, because you are doing what is right to ensure that a vulnerable lady is safe and receiving the support and care that she needs. Were you not to include the GP and the Social Services then you would be letting her down. So be strong, try not to worry, remember that no matter how she reacts, you have a duty to protect her and ensure that she receives the help that she needs, even if she does not know that she needs it!
Amy.

Thanks Amy

I know these are the right things to do for her well being and safety, I just need some reassurance sometimes. This is all very new to me (and my husband) and everything is really scary. I am so glad I have you guys to help me :)

Blue_Gremlin
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Hiya Blue Gremlin,
What you do tend to find on here is that the person who is strong today will be falling apart over someting in a few days time, and vice versa. So don't worry about it being scarey and needing reassurance, because you will be able to support others in return. Sometimes it is just a case of saying, I can't give you advice, but I am here and you are not alone.
Amy
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Hi Blue Gremlin
when someone is diagnosed as suffering with AD,it is an awful shock to cope with.
I think the worst part is the feeling of lonliness,feeling alone ;lost not knowing where to turn or who too go to.
You do not need to have those feelings and fears any longer,there is always some one here in this great big TP family,day or night 24 x 7.
Shout if you need help.Warm wishes
Norman
 

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