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Sometimes less is more

Pear trees

Registered User
Jan 25, 2015
I normally telephone my mum every day and visit at least twice a week. She has started putting the receiver straight down without speaking on every call. If she does answer she rambles for a few minutes and is very confused, then puts the phone down.
My SIL has suggested I only phone a few times, if at all. She pops in at least twice a day along with carers and would tell me if there is a problem.
At first I was upset at this suggestion, but it seems to be working. When I do see my mum she does not know me anyway but seems less stressed, and I feel more able to have a nice little chat with her as I am not frustrated with trying to call her.


Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
Hi Pear trees
I'm glad you've found what works for you - it's important that you are not stressed so can enjoy your visits - we want to keep in touch but phone calls certainly became a problem for dad at one point and it wasn't worth bothering him and worrying me more

your SIL sounds like a star, it must be a relief and comfort to you both that you work so well as a team :)


Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
my mum was so confused with the phone - i think it panicked her and then everything got 10 times worse and so in the end we took it out - it became more distressing than not having one and it wouldn't have been any use to her anyway
lovely to have family and that you are all working together xxx


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Mum reached a stage where she couldnt use the phone either. Even if someone dialed it for her it became obvious that she was just talking into the phone, rather than to me. I think she forgot what the phone was for. Talking face to face worked much better.
Im glad you and your sister are working together, so often on here siblings just dont want to know.