• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Some input for someone who just got into this

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
Its interesting to hear your update @JohnGroban ! Thank you for posting.

It was sad to think of what you witnessed with the old lady. The only other thoughts I had on it is ‘ what had they gone through before it got to that point?. If the family carer had mental health problems themselves they may have been to hell and back before they reached that point ?

Also if they were not capable of giving kind and safe care for the old lady maybe it was for the better? Maybe they were pretending not to care in a desperate attempt to get some help?

Sometimes stories like that are good to hear so you can count your blessings!
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
Its interesting to hear your update @JohnGroban ! Thank you for posting.

It was sad to think of what you witnessed with the old lady. The only other thoughts I had on it is ‘ what had they gone through before it got to that point?. If the family carer had mental health problems themselves they may have been to hell and back before they reached that point ?

Also if they were not capable of giving kind and safe care for the old lady maybe it was for the better? Maybe they were pretending not to care in a desperate attempt to get some help?

Sometimes stories like that are good to hear so you can count your blessings!

Yeah, you really can only guess the background of her story, but the problem is the hospital might kick her out and she will end up on the street.

In my country the dementia issue, as I've learned, is still taboo. In the case of someone like that old lady, in the best-case scenario, she will end up in one of the countries asylums. Don't want to speak about it, because I don't know exactly and I might be wrong, but they have a reputation and you wouldn't want anyone to end up there. And that is still the best-case scenario. Now imagine the worse.

It's really hard for those who have this and don't have the financial support to help them.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
Yeah, you really can only guess the background of her story, but the problem is the hospital might kick her out and she will end up on the street.

In my country the dementia issue, as I've learned, is still taboo. In the case of someone like that old lady, in the best-case scenario, she will end up in one of the countries asylums. Don't want to speak about it, because I don't know exactly and I might be wrong, but they have a reputation and you wouldn't want anyone to end up there. And that is still the best-case scenario. Now imagine the worse.

It's really hard for those who have this and don't have the financial support to help them.
That’s terrible.
In the UK social services would arrange for her to go to a care home.
The funding would be sorted out at a later date.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
That’s terrible.
In the UK social services would arrange for her to go to a care home.
The funding would be sorted out at a later date.

Many central and Eastern countries, sadly, have this issue. All due to communism, but this is a long debate.

We are almost 6 months since it all happened and we still did not manage to get the trusteeship for grandma. We took the legal route because we wanted to avoid another show she might have with a notary and still it goes on and on.

Social services can provide a monthly fee of 200 pounds, but that is about it. But in order to get that you have to go through multiple paperwork.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
Many central and Eastern countries, sadly, have this issue. All due to communism, but this is a long debate.

We are almost 6 months since it all happened and we still did not manage to get the trusteeship for grandma. We took the legal route because we wanted to avoid another show she might have with a notary and still it goes on and on.

Social services can provide a monthly fee of 200 pounds, but that is about it. But in order to get that you have to go through multiple paperwork.
If you have the money you pay. But if not social services will pay.
My friends mother is paying as she owned her own home, so she pays just under £1300 per week.
But in the same home are many old people that are funded by social services.
Every now and then when my friend gets the hump she pulls herself up to her full height and reminds them exactly how much her mother is paying for their service!
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
If you have the money you pay. But if not social services will pay.
My friends mother is paying as she owned her own home, so she pays just under £1300 per week.
But in the same home are many old people that are funded by social services.
Every now and then when my friend gets the hump she pulls herself up to her full height and reminds them exactly how much her mother is paying for their service!

For grandma, it's about 900-1000 pounds. Which is really expensive locally.
But it's a 10-15 minutes walk from my home.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
For grandma, it's about 900-1000 pounds. Which is really expensive locally.
But it's a 10-15 minutes walk from my home.
And that is fine because if ever a grandma was loved it is your grandma!
It is lovely to hear the love that is behind all your posts!
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
Grandma is good, she didn't have any bad moments since I've posted, however, I got a call from the head nurse, she is leaving for two months, but I have a feeling she is leaving for good. We will meet the new head nurse on Tuesday, hope she is good like this one. I am scared a bit, to be honest.

With dad things are bad, he needs surgery. It will happen soon. Changed the doctors, went to another place.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,408
0
Hello @JohnGroban

That's great news about your Grandma. A shame the head nurse is going to be away. It sounds like a good place though, so I expect her replacement will soon be up to speed on things and will get to know your Grandma. There has been a change in manager and several staff at mum's care home over the last few years but they seem to recruit good replacements. Any new staff I felt didn't really fit in have soon disappeared (nothing to do with me, I hasten to add).

Sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope the surgery sorts things out and that he makes a speedy and full recovery.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
Hello @JohnGroban

That's great news about your Grandma. A shame the head nurse is going to be away. It sounds like a good place though, so I expect her replacement will soon be up to speed on things and will get to know your Grandma. There has been a change in manager and several staff at mum's care home over the last few years but they seem to recruit good replacements. Any new staff I felt didn't really fit in have soon disappeared (nothing to do with me, I hasten to add).

Sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope the surgery sorts things out and that he makes a speedy and full recovery.
Thanks, Lemon.
I am looking forward to meeting the new one, I also think they are spot on when it comes to recruitment, but nevertheless, I am still a bit worried.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
It's been a long couple of weeks.

Dad's condition is better, but after we had to take him again to the hospital, to a different one this time where they told us that the last 4 months were actually bad as he got the wrong medication regime from the other hospital. Had also a covid scare, he was false positive when he went into the hospital, so daily the Local Health Organization called me to say he was positive and everytime I had to explain that is wrong. 10 days this went on and off.

Now, going back to grandma, the new head nurse is actually someone from there. I know her, she is ok. She looks more tolerant that the other head nurse, but I think she is not as prepared. Let's see.
Overall, grandma is good, however now she is saying daily she wants home. Mom had her weekly call earlier today with her and she said she wants to go home. Asked the staff to help us with this, but let's see. We keep on saying soon, soon, after the pandemic, after you are well, but she is obsessed with this.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,408
0
Hello @JohnGroban

I'm glad to see that your Dad's condition is improving despite having had the wrong treatment before. I hope the new regime works well. Will he still need surgery?

Your grandma sounds to be doing well. The going home is tricky to deal with but she doesn't sound to be too distressed about it. Some people just stop asking after while but it is not always the case. I suppose we all want to be back somewhere where we feel safe and well when things aren't right.

The new head nurse will know your grandma already then! Tolerance is always a good thing in my book, so she sounds promising.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
Hello @JohnGroban

I'm glad to see that your Dad's condition is improving despite having had the wrong treatment before. I hope the new regime works well. Will he still need surgery?

Your grandma sounds to be doing well. The going home is tricky to deal with but she doesn't sound to be too distressed about it. Some people just stop asking after while but it is not always the case. I suppose we all want to be back somewhere where we feel safe and well when things aren't right.

The new head nurse will know your grandma already then! Tolerance is always a good thing in my book, so she sounds promising.
Dad will need surgery. It will happen in July. I am happy it will be with a good doctor, but still, with covid around I am worried. He got both jabs of the vaccine so he is good.

The going home part is the worse in our case because it's been on her mind nonstop, for the looks of it, so I am really hoping the staff will help us with this.
Also, the other thing is her relationship with her roommate. As I mentioned before, grandma moans a lot about her when we see her, but they share their food nonstop, they do things together and most of all, they share each other's gifts from the families. I swear it is beyond me.

Overall things are good, she is healthy, fit, and somewhat happy. But I swear the ”going home” part does my head in.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,408
0
Hopefully that should keep your Dad safe.

Your grandma sounds as though she is actually pretty happy where she is. It's fortunate that she has a care home companion. It is interesting, I had never considered room sharing to be a good thing but, all too often, with dementia, any friendships made with other residents in care-homes are soon forgotten, which is very sad. Perhaps room sharing can be beneficial for some of the more sociable people.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
Hopefully that should keep your Dad safe.

Your grandma sounds as though she is actually pretty happy where she is. It's fortunate that she has a care home companion. It is interesting, I had never considered room sharing to be a good thing but, all too often, with dementia, any friendships made with other residents in care-homes are soon forgotten, which is very sad. Perhaps room sharing can be beneficial for some of the more sociable people.

I wanted to move her alone, but the staff said it's not a good idea, she needs people around to keep her occupied and not make her think about "those" people and other things.
Ask her also a few times and she said no.
 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
I need some input/advice

The ”going home thing” is getting out of control with us. Mum called her today to wish her a happy name-day and grandma started on and on about going home, if we don't take her home now she will die and we will take her in a coffin.
Then told mum she is upset on me, etc.

I can handle that, but I am afraid mum will soon crack with all of this pressure and might want to take her home. She is non stop with us about going home.

What can I do? It seems like diverting the attention doesn't work and I feel the staff aren't coming with any solutions with this problem.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,408
0
Hi @JohnGroban

This is such a common problem but nobody has come up with a fail safe solution yet. It is hard to hear but it does usually get easier over time, as you learn what seems to calm and settle the person. I've added a link below but I expect you already know what's in there.

I may have mentioned before that a lady in my mum's care-home asks how to get home every few minutes and spends much of her days wandering from door to door looking for a way out. She can be distracted for short periods of time but then starts again. She's not usually distressed, just a bit irritated that she can't get out sometimes.

What do the staff say when you mention it to them?

 

JohnGroban

Registered User
Oct 28, 2020
169
0
Hi @JohnGroban

This is such a common problem but nobody has come up with a fail safe solution yet. It is hard to hear but it does usually get easier over time, as you learn what seems to calm and settle the person. I've added a link below but I expect you already know what's in there.

I may have mentioned before that a lady in my mum's care-home asks how to get home every few minutes and spends much of her days wandering from door to door looking for a way out. She can be distracted for short periods of time but then starts again. She's not usually distressed, just a bit irritated that she can't get out sometimes.

What do the staff say when you mention it to them?


Thanks for the link, Lemonbalm.
I think point 4 is our case. She is unhappy because she is not home.

The staff reassures her that she is ok, she is fine and she will go soon home, wait for the pandemic to end, etc. She doesn't cause trouble, she is not violent, etc, but when she sees us, talks to mum on the phone, she cries and demands to leave.
I think (not sure) but this started in the past 2-3 weeks since someone told her (I think another resident) if we don't pay the monthly fee she can leave.

So I have no idea what to do. I was thinking after we go and see her on tuesday, if she will be the same, I want to call the home care owners to ask them what are our options.
What do you think?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,980
0
South coast
Asking to "go home" seems to happen at some point in almost every person with dementia.

However it started, I have a feeling that it is contact with family that is triggering the behaviour.
When I used to visit mum I have actually witnessed a lady who was happily chatting to staff and other residents when her daughter arrived to visit. As soon as she saw her daughter it was like a switch flicked over. Suddenly she was crying and begging her daughter to take her home, telling her how much she hated being there, that the carers were horrible to her etc etc. As soon as the daughter left, within a couple of minutes it was all forgotten and she was back to laughing and talking to the carers again. It was astonishing - unless I had seen it myself, I dont think I would have believed it.

The thing is that when people with dementia forget, they forget the incident, but they remember the emotions. So, after you and your mum have visited , although she may forget you have been, she will remember the emotions and then when she sees you again the emotions will resurface. Its difficult to know how to handle this, but although this might sound mean, if you dont visit for a couple of weeks it might break this link.