• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Some days are harder..some are easier

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,734
South
It's a month and a day since mum died. I cried a lot today. Don't like this grief thing we have to work through. Some days it gets harder not easier.

The "what if's" are rearing their ugly heads, the "if only's" are arm in arm with them. I know I did the best I could with the information I had. But. But.
 

flowerpot

Registered User
Jul 27, 2010
2,450
61
Rural North Northumberland
Your feelings are all normal and it's very early days. We all have regrets about one thing or another and that's normal too. That guilt monster never seems to be very far away and is always around somewhere. Try to be kind to yourself as it all takes time. My Dad died over three years ago and I still find it hard and miss him so much. Thinking of you and sending a virtual ((((((hug)))))) xx

Sent from my XT1032 using Talking Point mobile app
 

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
Dear Soobee

I just wanted to say my dad died 13 years ago and I still have those days. I still wish I had spoken to him on the phone the day he died but when he answered I asked to speak to my mum. He died suddenly 4 hours later.

I just want you to know (and I always hated when folk said it) but time really will help. I wont say it gets easier but it does get easier to bare.

Sending my sympathies to you along with a huge hug. x
 

Neph

Registered User
Jan 27, 2014
179
Huge hug heading your way hun, just remember don't beat yourself up when you feel like this. It's normal.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,824
Yorkshire
I so feel for you. Mum died a few years ago but I miss her every day, though now more quietly. And those 'what ifs' calm down too. To help I found 2 lovely photos of mum and put them in pretty frames. In one she is with dad and smiling and waving at whoever took the picture. So I smile and wave back. The other is of the 2 of us paddling and dad took it, a very happy memory which makes me smile. So whenever I look at those 2 happy moments I remember only the mum who always greeted me with a grin and the mum who merrily splashed into the waves with me. And the mum who was proud of me not just when I succeeded but because I did my best. Your mum knows you did that too.
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,507
Near Southampton
It does take time Soo, but it never entirely goes away. A remark, a picture, any little thing really, can bring it all back. However, the happy memories eventually take precedence over the sadder ones and although the missing of people doesn't fade away entrely, it does get easier to bear.
sympathy and understanding. XXX
 

bilslin

Registered User
Jan 17, 2014
762
hertforshire
My dad died three years ago not dementia related but I still have a little cry. But it does get less as the time goes by. I try and think of him laughing and it makes me smile too. Early days for you hun. Big hugs. Linda xx