Hi all, first post on these forums, hopefully in the correct place, was after some advice, my mother who is 70 has some form of dementia/alzheimers, it has not been diagnosed or even looked at, but its clear as day, any dr would probably diagnose just by trying to talk to her, the problem is both my parents are very stubborn about getting help, my dad is 80 and is very fit for his age, so has basically become her carer and there is a lot of head in the sand going on, i have mentioned about taking her to drs but he says she wont go etc, i feel helpless and guilty as im also sort of an out of sight out of mind etc as i just cant cope with these type of illnesses and i feel scared to see how much she has declined, also im the only child which doesnt help as have no real support from siblings etc, so just wondering how to manage this, dad can look after her but hes finding it very difficult at times and i feel so bad for him, but i know 100% they wont be going to drs anytime soon and i cant just storm round there and drag them lol, also i think dad doesnt really understand the disease so he gets frustrated with her and comes to blows which you just cant do with alzheimers suffers, im on edge a lot waiting for the next big problem, its a nightmare, any advice from someone who has similar experiences would be welcome.
Some advice about parent
- Thread starter Chez1982
- Start date
I’ve been in a very similar position. I’m an only child and we have no local relatives. My mum started acting aggressively last year. I took her to the doctor but said it was for another reason. I had already written a letter to the doctor so he knew my concerns. A diagnosis doesn’t come that quickly, we’re still waiting for a formal one. Last year was the worst of my life, she was so horrible to me and I was always on edge waiting for a phonecall. My dad still doesn’t really understand and I think is slightly in denial. He can get so frustrated with her but then he’s coping 24/7 with it. She’s deteriorated quite a lot this year partly due to strong medication but the anxiety has greatly lessened and the aggression has mostly gone. My dad is knackered and grieving and I really wish I had a sibling to talk to and support. I’ve managed to get all the benefits available and have now put in place some help and a day club. These are things that they wouldn’t have wanted last year but as my mum has declined and my dad worn out they agreed to it.
Yes this does sound similar to my situation, although mum has never been horrible to me, maybe because im not around her long enough to find out, but she is definitely quite spiteful to dad, which causes flair ups and big shouting matches etc, ive told him he cant lose his temper because she doesnt understand whats shes doing its the disease, like i said she has not been seen by any dr and has not had any medication either, and trust me she would never take it as she is adamant shes allergic to everything
Hi @Chez1982 , when it became apparent there was something wrong with mum I wrote a very lengthy letter to her gp outlining her symptoms, my concerns etc. Mum only ever went to the gp's to have either tablet reviews of blood pressure check - anything else she would absolutely dig her heels in.
Mum's gp "called" her in for a " routine tablet/blood pressure check" and I had to take her (Dad had passed away) and things moved swiftly from there. Don't know if you would be able to do something like that.
Hope you can get something sorted for all of your sakes. Take care
Mum's gp "called" her in for a " routine tablet/blood pressure check" and I had to take her (Dad had passed away) and things moved swiftly from there. Don't know if you would be able to do something like that.
Hope you can get something sorted for all of your sakes. Take care
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Chez1982. I was just going to post what @Jale suggested. This was the way I started to get help for my mother, though it was a long haul as she refused to go to co-operate at the memory clinic.
I think if you can talk to your dad about his health, all the stress of looking after your mother won't be dong his health any good and if anything happened to him, there would be nothing in place to support your mum.
I think if you can talk to your dad about his health, all the stress of looking after your mother won't be dong his health any good and if anything happened to him, there would be nothing in place to support your mum.
Hi thanks for the replies, i think its harder for me to get involved as dad is still thankfully around and able, i could never see myself going and demanding drs appointments etc, if he was not around i would definitely seek help as she could not be left alone, its such a hard situation,
Yes, coming to blows is def. not the way for your dad to go. I think some spouses tend just get on with things and think they can do it all when some help might be better.
This whole thread sounds exactly like my PILs. As suggested above, my wife wrote to my MIL's GP and she was called in for a medications review. My wife reported that my MIL was most put out when she started to receive a Cognitive test,but it was all too late then!
Good luck.
Good luck.
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