Solution to dad.. Sort of!

[TNJJ]

After last week’s saga of him having to be lifted from the toilet via the paramedics, they were out again yesterday.
He slipped down the recliner. He was safe on the floor with a cushion around his neck,whilst we waited for an ambulance.
They came and checked him over and put him in a wheelchair at my request. I thought he would be able to support himself more and have his lunch in it.
The paramedics checked him over and noticed his breathing was a bit of a struggle and he was sweating.
They gave him subutomol and oxygen to open up his airways as they thought he might have COPD being an ex smoker. He was leaning to the left and I knew I would not get him back in bed by myself. It took 2 paramedics using a Sara Stedy to transfer him onto the bed. Dad did not have much strength.
The doctor came out later after speaking to the paramedics and she diagnosed a chest infection on top of the kidney infection.
He is in bed and that’s where he is staying.
The care company are chasing the stand aid and hoists. They will have to move the bed to a different room as his room is so small.
The doctor did dads TEP form with him and he wants everything. To be resuscitated etc. The doctor said that he will have to be realistic but no everything. (realism) has never been dads thing. Tbh I’m not sure that dad understood everything but he has capacity.?. Doctor told me it will have to be reviewed at a later date(no way Sherlock ?)
I am no longer getting him up. I have asked the care company to reinstate the morning and bed calls on my days. I will do lunch and tea time and then go home or onto mums. My line in the sand is drawn.

 

[Sarasa]

So sorry to hear of the latest decline in your dad's health @TNJJ. The whole capacity issue is so tricky. Having the capacity to make unwise decisions doesn't really help either him, the carers or you. I hope the new regime works, at least for a while, though it does sound like your dad really needs to be in nursing home.

 

[TNJJ]

He does . I agree.

 

[Grannie G]

Phew! What a routine you are faced with @TNJJ.

Are you still not ready to think of residential care? I`m just wondering how many hours your dad will be unattended and whether or not he will be able to get help if necessary.

 

[TNJJ]

Phew! What a routine you are faced with @TNJJ.

Are you still not ready to think of residential care? I`m just wondering how many hours your dad will be unattended and whether or not he will be able to get help if necessary.

I have been ready for a while now. He has moved on to Nursing now I think.Apparently as he has a lifeline the professionals seem to think it is ok. Nobody has thought if he would remember to use it.
He will be on his on about 12 hours a day. My sticking point is the “ capacity malarkey “. I tried to get him to stay in a home before. They asked the question he said “no”. So I’m afraid it’s going to have to be the consequence of his actions. I’m worn out with all of it tbh.

 

[Grannie G]

I’m worn out with all of it tbh.

I`m not surprised.

While you make yourself available it is easy for excuses to be made because of your dad`s capacity. From your posts, it sounds as if your dad`s physical needs are leaving him at even more risk than the needs brought on by his dementia.

Perhaps the powers that be are conveniently turning a blind eye to this as long as they know you are there to make up the deficit in his care.

 

[TNJJ]

I`m not surprised.

While you make yourself available it is easy for excuses to be made because of your dad`s capacity. From your posts, it sounds as if your dad`s physical needs are leaving him at even more risk than the needs brought on by his dementia.

Perhaps the powers that be are conveniently turning a blind eye to this as long as they know you are there to make up the deficit in his care.

Exactly. That is why I have dropped back. I need to spend more time with mum but I want to be home more. They will find out eventually.

 

[canary]

FWIW, I think you have made the right decision. All the while you are there, picking up the pieces SS will just let you get on with it. I would, though, start investigating nursing homes, because I dont think it will be long before they decide he needs to be in one.

 

[Moggymad]

@TNJJ i am amazed really how you manage to keep going with both your parents needs. This issue over having capacity to make decisions which may not be wise really sticks with me as it also indicates incapacity to make such decisions. Surely the GP explained the likely impact of the procedure?
I remember my mum, before dementia, saying she wouldn't want to be brought back to life if she had numerous serious health issues & considered in the event that her heart stopped that that was the end of her natural life. Rolling on a good few years down the dementia road, when considering a DNR in her care home, just out of interest I asked mum her thoughts & without hesitation she said oh yes I'll have it.....life is for living!! (Unable to walk or care for herself in any way).
Your situation reminds me so much of a man I used to clean for whose hard pressed daughter supported her dad in his decisions despite her own misgivings. It was through her efforts that he was able to come home from hospital with a full care package including all the equipment,hoists, etc. He had kidney failure diabetes, heart failure & brown urine. She was the one called out in the night because he needed to go to toilet (bowels) or because the last carer left the light on shining into his bedroom etc. She was exasperated but did her best just like you. X

 

[TNJJ]

I have just had an update from dad’s surgery @ TEP form. Apparently they want me to do some amendments to it. So they are sending it out. The doctor said he had capacity so why am I having to alter it? Dad said “Yes “ to everything. Resuscitation fluids antibiotics artificial means.. Everything. ! I thought they were allowed to make unwise decisions. Perhaps she thinks he doesn’t have capacity for understanding it all ! It is being sent to my address. She knows I have LPOA.

 

[Duggies-girl]

@TNJJ Dad had a care plan which allowed him to have anything that would help him to feel better and make him more comfortable, antibiotics and blood transfusions which he actually had while in hospital and an Iron infusion at a later date but he could not have any treatment that could harm him such as chemo and that all worked very well.

Dads GP discussed a DNR with dad at home and dad wanted everything too but he also thought he was 26 years old. The GP listened to everything dad had to say but afterwards he had a chat with me and agreed that dad did not have capacity and signed the form there and then and I put it in a safe place and it was never mentioned again.

 

[TNJJ]

@TNJJ Dad had a care plan which allowed him to have anything that would help him to feel better and make him more comfortable, antibiotics and blood transfusions which he actually had while in hospital and an Iron infusion at a later date but he could not have any treatment that could harm him such as chemo and that all worked very well.

Dads GP discussed a DNR with dad at home and dad wanted everything too but he also thought he was 26 years old. The GP listened to everything dad had to say but afterwards he had a chat with me and agreed that dad did not have capacity and signed the form there and then and I put it in a safe place and it was never mentioned again.

I thought it would be something like that. I know capacity varies daily and it has to be asked on everything. Another problem is dad thinks he is capable of walking. As you know he isn’t. His capacity is definitely getting less for everything.
Another thing is that he no longer asks for a drink for a drink and his appetite is diminishing. By the time we get the equipment for him it will be very difficult to get him moving.

 

[Duggies-girl]

I thought it would be something like that. I know capacity varies daily and it has to be asked on everything. Another problem is dad thinks he is capable of walking. As you know he isn’t. His capacity is definitely getting less for everything.
Another thing is that he no longer asks for a drink for a drink and his appetite is diminishing. By the time we get the equipment for him it will be very difficult to get him moving.

Yes, that all sounds so familiar. Dad told his GP that he could do everything himself, go for walks, do his own shopping and cooking and so on, truth was he couldn't find his own kitchen and getting him over a doorstep took two of us and was in fact quite frightening for me.
Dad wouldn't ask for anything and he would just cough and cough. I would have to say 'take a sip of your drink dad' and then he would but I had to prompt him over and over. It's a very difficult time and you have been amazing but take care because this can take a toll on your own health.