1. susiewoo

    susiewoo Registered User

    Oct 28, 2006
    Bromley Kent
    My Mum has now been in a secure ward since 8/11/06 and I have watched her shrink into a little old prune. Everyday there is an issue..lost belongings/other patients wearing her clothes/odd pills found in her pockets/large lump on her bum went un-noticed by staff until I showed them. I could go on and on.
    Social worker told me that the panel was discussing my Mother this Thursday then phoned me at lunchtime on that day to say she had not been presented. Why? because her manager had been too busy to go over the paperwork. Long conversations resulted in frustration for me. Later the same day the same social worker phoned to ask me why my Father was not able to care for my Mother at home. Gosh! I guess the consultant saying that Mum needs 24hr supervision which we cannot provide at home is not good enough for this girl. I'm tempted to ask when she got her medical degree but hold back the sarcasm until I remind her that she can and did a home assessment on Mum some 36 hours prior to her admission to hospital. Mum had become so paranoid and confused she was running up the road at 2am screaming.
    My Father is struggling to look after himself at 79 with multiple medical problems all of which she was informed about 2 months ago.
    I then spoke to my brother and told him the whole saga. He has got so upset that on Thursday night he was admitted to hospital with nose bleed and super high blood pressure.
    We are not able to pay top up fees and all this social worker can say is how severely we are restricting our choices.
    I feel like this is some nightmare that I can't wake up from and its getting out of control and absorbing us all.
  2. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Susiewoo

    I am so very sorry you have been given the run around by Social Services, what a nightmare. The fact that some manager didn't have time to look at your mum's case is simply not good enough. I would be inclined to complain loud and long to her manager, in writing, with a copy to my MP. You need to list the events as they have happened e.g. assessment date etc. and relate any conversations you have had with them.

    .................. Then keep phoning............twice a day if you have to. If you can extract a supporting letter from the secure unit all the better, I expect they are getting frustrated that mum is taking up a bed that's now needed for somebody else.

    Its a sad fact that he who shouts loudest gets the action. By now I would be screaming blue flipping murder.

  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Susiewoo, I agree with Cate, you must complain to the hospital/home and your MP , as well as the Secretary of State for Health.
    I understand it`s hassle you can do without, and it only adds to the stress you`re under, but unless we shout loud and long, these examples of disgraceful practice will continue.
    I would also mention how this has had an effect on your brother`s health too.
    Take care, Sylvia
  4. chip

    chip Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    Susiewoo I know exactly how you feel. It looks like Social Workers are the same all over. I have also wondered when they have got their medical degree as mine seems to be able to make a diagnoises (wrong at that).
    I still say that the system is out to get at carers.
    Lets hope we all have a better 2007 ( can't see it though)
    I want to work to get of the benifts so i will no longer have to fill in all the horrible forms and them wanting all our confidential information.
    Try all to have a good Christmas.
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    It sounds like an awful situation. One thing I would ask: was your mother sectioned? Because if so, there are different rules that apply regarding payment for care. This may make no practical difference when it comes to it, if your mother is fully funded, but it may. Also, I note that you are in Bromley. Are your parents in that area also? Because that was one of the areas specifically addressed by the Grogan case (their criteria for fully funded nursing care was considered to be "fatally flawed"). In theory, of course, that means that they should now have their act togather, in practice, I suspect that it has left a completed confused situation.

  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #6 Margarita, Dec 23, 2006
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2006
    All the social worker are worried about , is funding for your mother where its coming from , when your mother go in to what every care home , that they think suitable for her , they make you feel guilty as sin , don’t let them , your hate me saying this , but they have to ask those question as that what the government polices say they have to do , when asking for funding for your mother. They do not understand the guilt stress they are putting your family under in asking those question. Social works do not have to study for a medical degree, to become a social worker, they do a degree and then a masters if they want to like my daughter doing now

    You have a right to complain about your mother if your paying or not, your mother is they issue now, they worry and your they to make sure they do they job , don’t let (that thought) make it feel like they are trying to trun it around on you , and beat your self up for it , as that sounds like what your brother and u are doing . stand proud . Stand your ground with them, no your rights. don't let the F&@*er get you down (Sorry that what I think of the system )

    Cate your allways so right , when you say he who shouts loudest .

    Even my social worker said that to me

    I also like
    When the going get tough , the tough get going , I say that from a song
  7. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    ooh ... steady Cate :eek: I know it's frustrating when things don't happen, but isn't this a little over the top? I think we'd need to know why the manager didn't have time first. All kinds of crises come in, especially around Xmas - sometimes it just has to be a case of what is more urgent.
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #8 Margarita, Dec 23, 2006
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2006
    They told susiewoo Why? Because her manager had been too busy to go over the paperwork.

    Your not going to be another excuse, but you sure have a right to complain about it, why not ? do we not have that human right

    why we carer have to be considerate to they over work load , when they are not considerate to our needs and feeling is why we get so frustrated in the first place. Why the system is in this mess, the world does not stand still for everyone just because it’s Christmas. They are trying to fit every thing in before taking few days of , our love one are human , not just another case on a paper , they should be more communication between them.

    if she/he did not attend the meeting why could someone not have fax it all to her / him so she can give it to SW , to tell susiewoo what is happening , what is going on . over work , no funding is all they say .
  9. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Aine
    Time back I encountered these kind of problems.
    I was told "We are thin on the ground","We do not have the resources"
    I do not think we have to accept these kind of answers,a formal complaint may be the answer and may also help SS to obtain more resources.
    I found in the NHS the public were not concerned with my managerial problems and would be very quick to complain.
  10. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    Hi susiewoo

    For the social worker to ask why carnt your dad look after her at home sais it all. If you are not happy you have a right to say something i thought social workers are there to help those in need.
  11. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Devil's Advocate!

    I fully sympathise with what an awful time you are going through,Susiewoo, and I hope you understand that what I'm saying is a (possible??) explanation rather than an excuse for your SW. If she has been told to "go back and find out why the husband can't care for his wife", she may have tried to do this by just asking you the question. It doesn't say much for her communication skills, but she may not be as ill feeling or judgemental as she sounds.

    In the years I worked in a hospital setting, the chronic underfunding often meant we (staff) were forced to "justify" to the hierarchy as to why "our" patients should receive priority over others. I found the best way was to talk in depth with the family and document everything they said plus my own observations. Then my report would include the wholistic picture, NOT just my ideas. I almost always was successful when doing this because families really DO know best!! (Duh!!)

    However, very occasionally I'd find a family who were really trying to just "milk" the system and when this happened it seemed to me that more deserving people missed out. Fortunately these people are few and far between but they do exist.

    How to deal with your SW?? Well, be polite, be firm, explain (in considerable detail if desired!) exactly how your mother's condition impacts on your father, yourselves, herself . . . . and "don't pull any punches"! You don't have to exaggerate - just tell it like it is. If you can bring yourself to use a little "soft soap" on the SW, try saying something like: "I know you can see why it is imperative she is in care and we are relying on you to be our advocate!" (This might be too over the top for you!) But I do agree with my mother's old saying "you catch more flies with honey"!!

    Good luck! Nell
  12. susiewoo

    susiewoo Registered User

    Oct 28, 2006
    Bromley Kent
    Thanks to all of you for responding.....I find myself on this message board almost daily and it does help to know there are others who share the same problems and can still give support to others.
    hopefully after the xmas break we can address the issues with the SW in a more positive light...I am really trying not to **** this woman off as I know she can help but need to find the right way to get her to move things along.
    Had Mum here for xmas day and boxing day and am ashamed to say I was so relieved to return her to the hospital. She is so unpredictable now and I feel exhausted trying to second guess how she will react to things. Last night she asked me who I was and when I told her my name she said she had a lovely daughter with the same name. I almost lost it completely then and although this seems like a terrible thing for her to say I really found it comforting in a way as she does remember me but not in the moment.
  13. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Susiewoo - well, at least she thinks she has a "lovely daughter"! Much, much preferable to the alternative :)

  14. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006

    I am in the same boat, with an issue I have with social worker in something I need her to for my mother.

    You have given me an idea in how to word it.

    I am now thinking in telling her I don’t want to **** you of , but I want it done this way (tell her what I want ) as I know it will get done faster . I know its not your fault as you have to pass it on to your manger , but you can tell them from me that if they don’t do it . I am going to go to my Local MP , now don’t think I am being rude , but you have always told me who shouts loader gets heard .

    My mother not at that stage yet , so Cannot imagine how that feels, Does not sound like a nice moment Thanks for sharing xx

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