Hi Everyone
Would really appreciate some advice of what to do here. My dad has early onset Alzheimer's, was diagnosed at age 58 and is now 63. My mother (66) has been his main carer during this time. Over the last two years, the level of verbal and emotional abuse from my dad towards my mum has increase, to the point where it is constant. He follows her around the house, often shouting and screaming at her. There have been a couple of mildly violent incidences over the last year, but last week he grabbed my mums throat, punched her on the arm and threw her on the bed. Then during that weekend police had to be called because he was violent with both my mother and my sister (who had come to the house to protect my mum after the earlier incident). My mum has become a husk of her former self, and I am seriously concerned about her getting hurt or becoming very ill as a result of all of this. My father is physically strong, much bigger than her, and capable of doing serious harm.
We managed to get him into respite care last week finally (many homes wouldn't take him because of the violence and aggression). We now have decided it's best he remains in a home, as my mum cannot live like this and regular carers coming into the house are unlikely to remove the risk to my mum. We are self-funded at this point.
However, social services are insisting on a DoLS assessment at the house and have suggested that dad could be at home with carers coming in. This is unacceptable to me, as dad's very presence in the house puts my mum in danger. I understand that SS have to look out for the vulnerable adult - but where is the person looking out for my mum's best interest? I feel like SS are basically saying it's fine for my mum to be at risk because she is the wife and oh well.
Has anyone been in this situation before? My mum is being domestically abused by my dad, and even though the early AD is the cause of this, the effect on my mum is still absolutely devastating. I feel like nobody really cares to be honest, even his doctors and SS.
Any advice or insight would be amazing, most of all I just needed to get it off my chest. I am so frustrated. I've already lost one parent early to AD, and now I risk losing another to a violent incident or to stress and illness caused by all of this.
Thanks and big love to all of you caring for someone with AD. x
Would really appreciate some advice of what to do here. My dad has early onset Alzheimer's, was diagnosed at age 58 and is now 63. My mother (66) has been his main carer during this time. Over the last two years, the level of verbal and emotional abuse from my dad towards my mum has increase, to the point where it is constant. He follows her around the house, often shouting and screaming at her. There have been a couple of mildly violent incidences over the last year, but last week he grabbed my mums throat, punched her on the arm and threw her on the bed. Then during that weekend police had to be called because he was violent with both my mother and my sister (who had come to the house to protect my mum after the earlier incident). My mum has become a husk of her former self, and I am seriously concerned about her getting hurt or becoming very ill as a result of all of this. My father is physically strong, much bigger than her, and capable of doing serious harm.
We managed to get him into respite care last week finally (many homes wouldn't take him because of the violence and aggression). We now have decided it's best he remains in a home, as my mum cannot live like this and regular carers coming into the house are unlikely to remove the risk to my mum. We are self-funded at this point.
However, social services are insisting on a DoLS assessment at the house and have suggested that dad could be at home with carers coming in. This is unacceptable to me, as dad's very presence in the house puts my mum in danger. I understand that SS have to look out for the vulnerable adult - but where is the person looking out for my mum's best interest? I feel like SS are basically saying it's fine for my mum to be at risk because she is the wife and oh well.
Has anyone been in this situation before? My mum is being domestically abused by my dad, and even though the early AD is the cause of this, the effect on my mum is still absolutely devastating. I feel like nobody really cares to be honest, even his doctors and SS.
Any advice or insight would be amazing, most of all I just needed to get it off my chest. I am so frustrated. I've already lost one parent early to AD, and now I risk losing another to a violent incident or to stress and illness caused by all of this.
Thanks and big love to all of you caring for someone with AD. x