Social Care saying they have no other option -brother not listening

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Brenda16, Oct 31, 2015.

  1. Brenda16

    Brenda16 Registered User

    Feb 13, 2015
    69
    Not applicable
    Hi

    The care home I had lined up still has a room. My brother even went to see it and says it's lovely, in a beautiful location.
    The Social Care contact person has written to us saying that after speaking to her manager, they have no other option than to place Mum temporarily in a care home in their county.
    I wrote to my brother saying this seems to be getting urgent and I don't want the council putting Mum just anywhere (and certainly not in a place like my Dad was which was under police investigation because of suspicious deaths.).

    My brother's reply was that everybody (sorry, I don't know who "everybody" is) is telling him not to be rushed and that the council has an obligation to care for Mum and that he has told them that they should not move her without consulting the family.
    But the council needs the room in the mental clinic and they told us that Mum is now 4 weeks overdue. She doesn't need to be in the mental clinic.

    My point is that I don't know if a council can move Mum out or not without contacting us and getting our go ahead.
    I feel that my brother can't keep sitting on the fence. Somebody in need, needs Mum's room and Mum shouldn't be there.And we all know that moving Alhzeimer's patients is not recommended.

    Who's in the right here? The council or my brother?
     
  2. Beryls

    Beryls Registered User

    Oct 31, 2015
    17
    I know that this is a very personal question but, could the finances be an issue?
     
  3. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,561
    North West
    Who's in the right here? The council or my brother?

    I really don't know. Hope someone who does will come along. It may be a grey area.

    I wonder whether someone in the family has POA for Health and Welfare? This could have a bearing.

    Your brother, who you have previously said you are very close to, doesn't seem to heed your view very much at all. I can understand your feelings and living abroad obviously makes everything harder.
     
  4. Brenda16

    Brenda16 Registered User

    Feb 13, 2015
    69
    Not applicable
     
  5. Brenda16

    Brenda16 Registered User

    Feb 13, 2015
    69
    Not applicable
    No, Stanley nobody has PoA for Health and Welfare.

    Stanley, my brother is a good guy but boys will be boys and lots of the time (not all of the time) they think they know best and don't listen to us gals. And, as in most families there is the SIL.

    I just feel I MUST keep on fighting otherwise I'd be letting Mum down.
     
  6. Brenda16

    Brenda16 Registered User

    Feb 13, 2015
    69
    Not applicable
    Maybe who knows. I can't even check up on finances because even though I have joint PoA the banks refuse to send statements to me. They will only send them to one address.
    Phew, you'd think in today's day and age of computers this shouldn't be too difficult.
    Ours is not to question why, our is but to do................
     
  7. Beryls

    Beryls Registered User

    Oct 31, 2015
    17
    The reason I asked is that perhaps your brother thinks that if you both chose a care home for your mum rather than the local authority then you will be obliged to pay the costs. As I understand it, and I am by no means an expert, you would only be liable for top up fees but maybe this might explain your brother's reluctance.

    Would you feel comfortable discussing it with him?
     
  8. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,589
    Is he 'fence sitting' or has he said no to your choice of home as it is further than he wants to travel to visit?

    One consideration the local authority have to take into account is the ability of the person in care to be close to their family.

    I think your brother is right.
    4 weeks in the scheme of things, is not SO long, really.




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  9. Brenda16

    Brenda16 Registered User

    Feb 13, 2015
    69
    Not applicable
    We will be self-funding - that's what I don't get. It won't be a superduper luxury care home but after the house is sold we will have to meet all costs.
    I know that here the council will pay 12 weeks to give us time to sell the house and after that we're on our own. That's just fine - it's Mum's money.
    So, to answer your question there's really no point in him kicking his heels.
    I don't get it. Probably never will.
    But I'm really hoping that there's somebody out there who can tell me if the council can move Mum from the mental clinic to a home in their county without our having our agreement.

    I'm going to start throwing dishes on the floor to get rid of my frustration.
     
  10. Brenda16

    Brenda16 Registered User

    Feb 13, 2015
    69
    Not applicable
    Yes he has said it's too far and I had a thread on here which got a bit heated, so I left and have now started this new thread. The distance door to door to the home of my choice (which he thinks is lovely and homely) is 26 miles one way but ........ on M25.
    If he can find a home closer to him then I have no complaints. I will step back, no problem.
    My Mum has been in the mental clinic for coming up 10 weeks she should have left four weeks ago. I understand they need the bed and it has been mentioned to me that it is an unhealthy environment for Mum as there are "some very ill people in there".
     
  11. Brenda16

    Brenda16 Registered User

    Feb 13, 2015
    69
    Not applicable
    #11 Brenda16, Oct 31, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2015
    We will be self-funding - that's what I don't get. It won' be a superduper luxury care home but after the house is sold we will have to meet all costs.
    I know that here the council will pay 12 weeks to give us time to sell the house and after that we're on our own. That's just fine - it's Mum's money.
    So, to answer your question there's really no point in him kicking his heels.
    I don't get it. Probably never will.
    But I'm really hoping that there's somebody out there who can tell me if the council can move Mum from the mental clinic to a home in their county without us having given our agreement.

    I'm going to start throwing dishes on the floor to get rid of my frustration.
     

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