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So what is life like as a carer?

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
So what is life like, as a carer?
When your loved one is struck with AD
Well it's no picnic, is it
When each day, hour and minute
Is exhausting, with no time for "me"

You yearn for some time, just for idling
You long for some time on your own
When your body is aching
And your heart's close to breaking
You remember the life you had known

But the cards have been dealt, and you're finding
That you're randomly holding a hand
That will mean life is hard
You must constantly guard
No, this isn't the life you both planned

And your relatives, friends, and your neighbours
Are suddenly absent from view
And now you have found
Help's thin on the ground
And the one left to cope is just you

So the strategies you must be seeking
Are paid carers, and clubs for Day Care
And then you can make
Some time for a break
Cos nobody said life was fair

We're all trudging, or trudged, on this highway
And the road is as tough as can be
But at least there's support
That cannot be bought
It's the friendship from all on TP! :)
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
So what is life like, as a carer?
When your loved one is struck with AD
Well it's no picnic, is it
When each day, hour and minute
Is exhausting, with no time for "me"

You yearn for some time, just for idling
You long for some time on your own
When your body is aching
And your heart's close to breaking
You remember the life you had known

But the cards have been dealt, and you're finding
That you're randomly holding a hand
That will mean life is hard
You must constantly guard
No, this isn't the life you both planned

And your relatives, friends, and your neighbours
Are suddenly absent from view
And now you have found
Help's thin on the ground
And the one left to cope is just you

So the strategies you must be seeking
Are paid carers, and clubs for Day Care
And then you can make
Some time for a break
Cos nobody said life was fair

We're all trudging, or trudged, on this highway
And the road is as tough as can be
But at least there's support
That cannot be bought
It's the friendship from all on TP! :)
You are so right!!
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I've read so many posts again about people feeling guilty, so, with your kind permission, this is a post, and an ode, of course (!), that I posted about a month ago:


Today is "stop feeling guilty" day!

I've read so many posts on here that contain the word "guilty", and there's currently 2 threads with this word in the title. There is only so much that a carer can do, especially if they don't have a large loving, willing and available support network of friends and family. In so many cases, it's the spouse, and just the spouse (or partner).

Many of us on here are pensioners, without the energy of our 20s, 30s or 40s. Those that aren't, may well have dependant children to care for as well. People write that they feel guilty because they're tired of answering the same question, tired of cleaning up after their spouse, tired of the grind of night and day, tired of the lack of sleep, tired of their own work-horse "retirement", which bears no resemblance to the happy, carefree time they envisaged.

I know we made our vows decades ago, for better or worse, in sickness and in health etc. But where did Alzheimer's figure in all this? Man Flu hadn't been invented in the 1960s, but when I vowed to love John "in sickness and in health", the "sickness" bit suggested that I might, occasionally, lay a cool hand on his fevered brow, gently smile and that he would grasp my hand, and look tenderly into my eyes, whispering "what would I do without you, my love"?

There was never any suggestion that I would find myself living with a stranger, who would be violent, doubly incontinent, either volatile or completely silent, blame everything on me, reduce me to tears, ask "is it Thursday" every 20 seconds, and deprive me of sleep.

That they would forget who I was, set fire to the kitchen, wander off, have to accompany me to the loo, because I couldn't leave him for a second, and have a glazed, bewildered look in their eyes, when I tried to make conversation. Yes, I too used to feel "guilty", but looking back, I reckon I was a saint!

And so are all of you. So, just for one day, please try not to feel guilty, you lovely carers.

AN ODE TO CARERS

It's a hell of a load that you carry
It's a hell of a road that you walk
When that person you hungered to marry
Is a stranger, unable to talk

Or they shout or berate you - for nothing
Or a blank look is filling their eyes
Oh where is the person you loved for so long
Cos this one you can't recognise

Every day there's a battle to conquer
Though you're weary and worn to the bone
You struggle and weep, and long for some sleep
But instead, you must trudge on alone

So just for a day - don't feel guilty
As you feed, clean, or help them get dressed
I hope you'll agree, cos here on TP
Dear Carers - YOU'RE SIMPLY THE BEST!!!!!!





Scarlett123 xxx
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,004
Colchester
Scarlett123

So what is life like, as a carer?
When your loved one is struck with AD
Well it's no picnic, is it
When each day, hour and minute
Is exhausting, with no time for "me"

You yearn for some time, just for idling
You long for some time on your own
When your body is aching
And your heart's close to breaking
You remember the life you had known

But the cards have been dealt, and you're finding
That you're randomly holding a hand
That will mean life is hard
You must constantly guard
No, this isn't the life you both planned

And your relatives, friends, and your neighbours
Are suddenly absent from view
And now you have found
Help's thin on the ground
And the one left to cope is just you

So the strategies you must be seeking
Are paid carers, and clubs for Day Care
And then you can make
Some time for a break
Cos nobody said life was fair

We're all trudging, or trudged, on this highway
And the road is as tough as can be
But at least there's support
That cannot be bought
It's the friendship from all on TP! :)
Brilliant. Did you write that Scarlett. I feel just like that poem.xxx
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,004
Colchester
Scarlett123

I've read so many posts again about people feeling guilty, so, with your kind permission, this is a post, and an ode, of course (!), that I posted about a month ago:


Today is "stop feeling guilty" day!

I've read so many posts on here that contain the word "guilty", and there's currently 2 threads with this word in the title. There is only so much that a carer can do, especially if they don't have a large loving, willing and available support network of friends and family. In so many cases, it's the spouse, and just the spouse (or partner).

Many of us on here are pensioners, without the energy of our 20s, 30s or 40s. Those that aren't, may well have dependant children to care for as well. People write that they feel guilty because they're tired of answering the same question, tired of cleaning up after their spouse, tired of the grind of night and day, tired of the lack of sleep, tired of their own work-horse "retirement", which bears no resemblance to the happy, carefree time they envisaged.

I know we made our vows decades ago, for better or worse, in sickness and in health etc. But where did Alzheimer's figure in all this? Man Flu hadn't been invented in the 1960s, but when I vowed to love John "in sickness and in health", the "sickness" bit suggested that I might, occasionally, lay a cool hand on his fevered brow, gently smile and that he would grasp my hand, and look tenderly into my eyes, whispering "what would I do without you, my love"?

There was never any suggestion that I would find myself living with a stranger, who would be violent, doubly incontinent, either volatile or completely silent, blame everything on me, reduce me to tears, ask "is it Thursday" every 20 seconds, and deprive me of sleep.

That they would forget who I was, set fire to the kitchen, wander off, have to accompany me to the loo, because I couldn't leave him for a second, and have a glazed, bewildered look in their eyes, when I tried to make conversation. Yes, I too used to feel "guilty", but looking back, I reckon I was a saint!

And so are all of you. So, just for one day, please try not to feel guilty, you lovely carers.

AN ODE TO CARERS

It's a hell of a load that you carry
It's a hell of a road that you walk
When that person you hungered to marry
Is a stranger, unable to talk

Or they shout or berate you - for nothing
Or a blank look is filling their eyes
Oh where is the person you loved for so long
Cos this one you can't recognise

Every day there's a battle to conquer
Though you're weary and worn to the bone
You struggle and weep, and long for some sleep
But instead, you must trudge on alone

So just for a day - don't feel guilty
As you feed, clean, or help them get dressed
I hope you'll agree, cos here on TP
Dear Carers - YOU'RE SIMPLY THE BEST!!!!!!





Scarlett123 xxx
Oh how clever you are. Summed me up and probably all the others on TP. Well done.xxx
 

Bree

Registered User
Oct 16, 2013
246
Scarlett

I think maybe you should write a book of such poems, proceeds to dementia charities perhaps ? You have a great talent.