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So what is life like as a carer?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Scarlett123, Sep 24, 2015.

  1. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    So what is life like, as a carer?
    When your loved one is struck with AD
    Well it's no picnic, is it
    When each day, hour and minute
    Is exhausting, with no time for "me"

    You yearn for some time, just for idling
    You long for some time on your own
    When your body is aching
    And your heart's close to breaking
    You remember the life you had known

    But the cards have been dealt, and you're finding
    That you're randomly holding a hand
    That will mean life is hard
    You must constantly guard
    No, this isn't the life you both planned

    And your relatives, friends, and your neighbours
    Are suddenly absent from view
    And now you have found
    Help's thin on the ground
    And the one left to cope is just you

    So the strategies you must be seeking
    Are paid carers, and clubs for Day Care
    And then you can make
    Some time for a break
    Cos nobody said life was fair

    We're all trudging, or trudged, on this highway
    And the road is as tough as can be
    But at least there's support
    That cannot be bought
    It's the friendship from all on TP! :)
     
  2. Bree

    Bree Registered User

    Oct 16, 2013
    241
    Love it, brilliant ! :)
     
  3. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    You've captured it all, as usual, Scarlett, and I'm sure it will help those who are just starting out.xx
     
  4. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    624
    Female
    stoke on trent
    You are so right!!
     
  5. tigerqueen

    tigerqueen Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    75
    Essex
    So apt. Love it x
     
  6. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,475
    London
    Great you have put a carers life beautifully Scarlet
     
  7. elizabeth hc

    elizabeth hc Registered User

    Oct 31, 2012
    49
    Brilliant. Just sums up how life is
     
  8. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I've read so many posts again about people feeling guilty, so, with your kind permission, this is a post, and an ode, of course (!), that I posted about a month ago:


    Today is "stop feeling guilty" day!

    I've read so many posts on here that contain the word "guilty", and there's currently 2 threads with this word in the title. There is only so much that a carer can do, especially if they don't have a large loving, willing and available support network of friends and family. In so many cases, it's the spouse, and just the spouse (or partner).

    Many of us on here are pensioners, without the energy of our 20s, 30s or 40s. Those that aren't, may well have dependant children to care for as well. People write that they feel guilty because they're tired of answering the same question, tired of cleaning up after their spouse, tired of the grind of night and day, tired of the lack of sleep, tired of their own work-horse "retirement", which bears no resemblance to the happy, carefree time they envisaged.

    I know we made our vows decades ago, for better or worse, in sickness and in health etc. But where did Alzheimer's figure in all this? Man Flu hadn't been invented in the 1960s, but when I vowed to love John "in sickness and in health", the "sickness" bit suggested that I might, occasionally, lay a cool hand on his fevered brow, gently smile and that he would grasp my hand, and look tenderly into my eyes, whispering "what would I do without you, my love"?

    There was never any suggestion that I would find myself living with a stranger, who would be violent, doubly incontinent, either volatile or completely silent, blame everything on me, reduce me to tears, ask "is it Thursday" every 20 seconds, and deprive me of sleep.

    That they would forget who I was, set fire to the kitchen, wander off, have to accompany me to the loo, because I couldn't leave him for a second, and have a glazed, bewildered look in their eyes, when I tried to make conversation. Yes, I too used to feel "guilty", but looking back, I reckon I was a saint!

    And so are all of you. So, just for one day, please try not to feel guilty, you lovely carers.

    AN ODE TO CARERS

    It's a hell of a load that you carry
    It's a hell of a road that you walk
    When that person you hungered to marry
    Is a stranger, unable to talk

    Or they shout or berate you - for nothing
    Or a blank look is filling their eyes
    Oh where is the person you loved for so long
    Cos this one you can't recognise

    Every day there's a battle to conquer
    Though you're weary and worn to the bone
    You struggle and weep, and long for some sleep
    But instead, you must trudge on alone

    So just for a day - don't feel guilty
    As you feed, clean, or help them get dressed
    I hope you'll agree, cos here on TP
    Dear Carers - YOU'RE SIMPLY THE BEST!!!!!!





    Scarlett123 xxx
     
  9. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    997
    Colchester
    Scarlett123

    Brilliant. Did you write that Scarlett. I feel just like that poem.xxx
     
  10. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    997
    Colchester
    Scarlett123

    Oh how clever you are. Summed me up and probably all the others on TP. Well done.xxx
     
  11. stu100

    stu100 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    70
    Birmingham
    It's a brilliant post it is just how I feel most of the time
     
  12. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Yes, I did and that's what I felt too. xxx
     
  13. Bree

    Bree Registered User

    Oct 16, 2013
    241
    Scarlett

    I think maybe you should write a book of such poems, proceeds to dementia charities perhaps ? You have a great talent.
     
  14. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Hear, hear!


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  15. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    532
    Scotland
    So what is life like, as a carer?

    You sum it up so well Scarlett - thank you so much xx
     
  16. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    6,118
    Female
    Scotland
    Thank you Scarlett, for words that say it all.

    Loo xx
     
  17. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you Scarlett what a talent you have with words,
     
  18. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,984
    Cotswolds
    Thankyou for the poem Scarlett....sums it all up.....
     
  19. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,475
    London
    Great poem Scarlet exactly how I feel you have. a great way with words thanks
     
  20. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I loved both of these when I read them the first time. I'm all for the book, too. I'd buy it :)
     

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