So stressed with worry

[ennaadnil]

I am so stressed with worry. Dad 87 with vascular dementia. He is now so forgetful that he cannot even remember if the carer came to give him is medication. My niece is playing games i.e.., not games as you know it, but pretending to care by visiting him and being "kind", then worm money off him and he is giving it!!! This is frequently happening. We are not talking about a couple of quid, she is actually gaining a lot of money off him. To be precise £800 within the last 3 months.

I am now concerned because she is looking into getting finance for a new car and needs to have a guarantor for this. She is so sneaky that she would ask him and he would willingly sign anything that is put in front of him. Does anyone know that should she be able to do this, how legally binding it would be?

 

[Wozzie]

I am so stressed with worry. Dad 87 with vascular dementia. He is now so forgetful that he cannot even remember if the carer came to give him is medication. My niece is playing games i.e.., not games as you know it, but pretending to care by visiting him and being "kind", then worm money off him and he is giving it!!! This is frequently happening. We are not talking about a couple of quid, she is actually gaining a lot of money off him. To be precise £800 within the last 3 months.

I am now concerned because she is looking into getting finance for a new car and needs to have a guarantor for this. She is so sneaky that she would ask him and he would willingly sign anything that is put in front of him. Does anyone know that should she be able to do this, how legally binding it would be?

ennaadnil
Sorry to hear about your dad, such a terrible disease.
I'm going to be a bit blunt here regarding your niece .... has no one spoken to her about just how vulnerable her grandad is ?
If she's old enough to be getting a car then to me, she's old enough to be told what she's doing is cruel and terribly wrong !
Do you have poa for your dad - this could help re his finances.
Sorry if I've offended you but I can't believe she's getting away with this behaviour.

 

[ennaadnil]

so stressed

Thank you guys for your respond. My niece is 28. She has had a hard life, but she knows full well how vunerable her grandfather is. He has always had a soft spot for her, but she has done bad things in the past including stealing from her grandfather & grandmother when they gave her refuge after having nowhere to live.

I, along with my husband, brother ( & sister; whose daughter this is) have POA. He is not as bad as some of the posts I have been reading, but he is certainly getting there. He does still have his Bank card and feel that if we take that away he would have no control over anything at all. My husband & I do the main caring because we live closer to him. We made him sell his car, which was a huge wrench for him. I do all of his shopping and try to encourage him to keep his house tidy. My sister has severe MS and totally disabled and my brother lives too far away to take any control over anything.

Dad has nothing to worry about apart from nipping to the bookies to have a little bet each day and I feel this is really the only enjoyment he has. He doesn't have any visitors apart from me and all I seem to do is moan at him all of the time. I feel completely drained and guilty every time I leave.

I agree that I should confront my niece. The only problem is I am not totally sure she has asked him about the guarantor!!! She is a nasty piece of work and I need to be sure before I attack!! She has been confronted with regard to the money she has already taken from him, but she doesn't give a damn about whatever I say. Her reply is that her granddad gave her it to help her out and that cannot do anything about it.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Ennaadnil

Could you open a second account & give your dad the bank card for that, transferring in pocket money each week, it would reduce the amount your niece couid wangle out of him, as there wouldn't be much to take

Is there any way you can "casually" drop into a conversation, that her grandad is no longer legally able to sign any finance documents, maybe along the lines of, you might need to sort a loan to do his bathroom, fix the roof or whatever large purchase may need doing, so you are going to have to take out the loan & figure out how to pay.

As you have then told her that he is not "allowed" to sign financial documents, if your niece then gets a car, any paperwork regarding it & possible guarantor can then be looked out for. You can then take paperwork & cancel them. There is a short "cooling off" period on loans.

Alternatively if she gets a car, she's likely to slip up about where she got it from & you might be able to have a chat at the dealership saying you are surprised at them not needing a guarantor & as the only person with cash is also unable to sign ... let them sort it out

Try not to worry about something that may not happen

 

[marionq]

You are right to be concerned. My husband was asked to be a guarantor for a bank account some years ago.. Fortunately he brought the document home for me to see before he signed it. I tore it up there and then and informed the person responsible that any similar attempt would go to the police.

Speak bluntly to your niece and remind her that granpa cannot sign legal documents involving cash anymore.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I agree...be very blunt with your niece, say whatever you need to in order to protect your dad, be assertive and firm, if she gets cross with you or is offended...tough! Make sure she knows you will be checking everything for her grandpa especially his finances. So glad you all have poa

 

[Penmon79]

Perhaps it would be easier and more kind to transfer most of your father's money to a new account; that way you won't need to change his card. Just leave a workaday amount in the existing one.
I hope that you can manage to thwart your niece's schemes.

 

[ennaadnil]

Not so stressed today

After an awful night worrying, tossing and turning. Why does it all seem so much worse at 2.30am???

Anyway, yesterday was a better day. Had no calls for something dad had or hadn't done!!! I had a further discussion with my sister to find out if her daughter had actually asked dad to be guarantor. We then decided if she hadn't, perhaps we shouldn't put the idea into her head. So, my sister gently questioned whether she had managed to get a guarantor for the finance of her new car and thank the Lord, she hasn't. My sister had a little word with dad to say NOT to get himself involved with anything financial to do with his granddaughter and his reply was..... "I wouldn't dare because I would get nothing but aggro from you and your sister". You can see that he is not so bad with his dementia and still realises that we are looking out for him. So last night all was calm and I slept very well.

This morning on the other hand, I have had a call to say he wasn't in when the carer came to give him his medication!!!!!!! Another day, another dawn... here we go again.

 

[Slugsta]

Perhaps it would be easier and more kind to transfer most of your father's money to a new account; that way you won't need to change his card. Just leave a workaday amount in the existing one.
I hope that you can manage to thwart your niece's schemes.

I was going to say the same thing!

ennaadnil, as Attorney it is your duty to ensure that your father's money is used in his best interests, not given away to family members. Limiting the amount he has available would leave him his pride but stop a large amount of money from disappearing. From what you have said about your niece, if it's not the car, it will soon be something else!

Your father says now that he wouldn't give the niece any money but the nature of dementia is that he will forget this promise, sooner or later