Just been on Skype for the usual daily chat to mum and dad. As you know, mum is dad's only carer now because she cancelled the carers I set up to go in and help her. I honestly don't know what to do any more. Today dad had his lunch and enjoyed it, and then for no reason said it was the worst lunch he'd ever had. Mum took it personally as she always does and while we were online she was yelling at him, asking him why he had said that. "Why did you say that, you cruel *******!?" He was really upset and apologising and asking if they could shake hands. She was having none of it, ranting at him furiously about how cruel and ungrateful he was. She stormed off and dad came online and told me what had happened. He was very lucid today. He said to me "I don't know why I said that. I don't know if I really thought that or not, but I said it and now she's mad. I understand why she is mad, but she won't let me say sorry". The words just come out and even if he does mean them he often realises and apologises afterwards, but mum takes everything so personally. Even after 2 years she is still treating him as if he is a normal person doing bad things deliberately. When she came back on line she was talking about dying soon. She said she was going to join her parents in heaven soon. She was going to be an angel. She told dad "You're going to end up killing me!"
Honestly, I don't know what to do. If only I was well enough to go and stay with them and try and look after him myself, but that would only work if mum wasn't in the house. I tried last year and she wouldn't trust me to do a thing. She micromanaged every single thing I did for him, stood at my shoulder checking how I was making the sandwiches, wouldn't let me administer his medicine because "only she knew how to do it". The stress of having me there made her even worse than she usually is and that upset dad even more.
What do you do when on the one hand she 100% refuses to let anyone else help her with care, and dad point blank refuses to go into care, but on the other hand she complains about having to look after him every single time I speak to her (it's all she talks about to me) and gets furious with him and even talks about suicide? It's an impossible situation and it's sending me crackers.
I'm not expecting a solution to this, BTW. I just need to let off steam about it. She is driving me ****ing nuts. My husband says that my mum is evil, always has been evil and he wishes he had a shotgun!
LS
Honestly, I don't know what to do. If only I was well enough to go and stay with them and try and look after him myself, but that would only work if mum wasn't in the house. I tried last year and she wouldn't trust me to do a thing. She micromanaged every single thing I did for him, stood at my shoulder checking how I was making the sandwiches, wouldn't let me administer his medicine because "only she knew how to do it". The stress of having me there made her even worse than she usually is and that upset dad even more.
What do you do when on the one hand she 100% refuses to let anyone else help her with care, and dad point blank refuses to go into care, but on the other hand she complains about having to look after him every single time I speak to her (it's all she talks about to me) and gets furious with him and even talks about suicide? It's an impossible situation and it's sending me crackers.
I'm not expecting a solution to this, BTW. I just need to let off steam about it. She is driving me ****ing nuts. My husband says that my mum is evil, always has been evil and he wishes he had a shotgun!
LS