So sad today

[poppy01]

Helloo

Sorry I need to get this off my chest and I feel this is the only place I can do this without anyone judging me.

My sister has gone back home to Australia this morning after coming over for moms funeral. Normally when they have been to visit and then gone home, I have always gone to my mom for comfort because we are upset at my sister going back home to Australia.

For the first time ever I cant go to mom for comfort and I just feel that I am on my own. My husband just doesnt seem to understand as he and his family are not close at all, and I feel like when I try to tell him how I feel, that he just doesnt understand me and probably thinks I am crazy.

This visit by my sister has been so hard and also for my dad too. He was heartbroken yesterday when we said our goodbyes to her.

But I just feel empty, what with losing my mom and now my sister leaving and going back home, its just all built up I think and I cant stop crying so far today. My sister is due to return to the UK in the summer as they had planned a holiday visit to us way back in January this year, so we will see her again in a couple of months. But its not stopping the hurt today. Crazy I know, and I'm sorry for pouring my heart out, but I just needed to tell someone. Sorry

 

[sussexsue]

Isnt it lovely to be able to off-load your feelings on this forum. I am sure just writing it and knowing people will understand helps.

To lose your lovely mum, be overwhelmed by grief, have some precious time with your sister and then to lose her as well, is an awful lot to deal with. Once funerals are over I think everyone always feels very deflated. The reality of your future kicks in.

My two daughters are close in a way that my brother and I never were. Dont get me wrong, they argue like mad, but are still very close. I cannot imagine how they would cope if one of them lived on the other side of the world.

Just keep focusing on the fact that it wont be too long before she returns.



for you and your Dad

 

[maryw]

Poppy, that must be awful for you and, yes, it's after the funeral when you really start to notice the loss. After all, it's one of the "firsts", first time Mum hasn't been there to comfort you.

Hope you can start planning nice things to do on your sister's return. Hugs xx

 

[Daisy Jane]

Hi, Poppy

I hope you don't mind me responding to such a personal post - it really struck a chord with me in a couple of ways, and I also think you need to know that you're not alone, no matter how you feel.

My brother and his family also lives in Australia, and haven't been home for three years. We have managed to get the funds together to bring them all over this year (all contributing to the pot) - I haven't had the courage to say to my family, but it is vital for me that he comes over, as this might be the last time. I'm excited to see him and his family, but so scared at the changes he will see in Mum; but I know that we wouldn't forgive ourselves if we didn't do this soon.

We are an incredibly close family, and my dad (caring for Mum in the late stages) talks to my brother, sister (living South of Eng) and me regularly, but it's not the same as having them all nearby.

And, like you, my most natural reaction would be to go to Mum for comfort - my dad will always be there for me, he is my hero, but I see him as mum's carer, I am his. Although completely fit physically, his well-being is my priority, especially after all he has done for Mum and for what lies in the future. I know he wants to support me too, but I don't feel I want to burden him, I want to help him gain strength. I do miss going to my mum with the girly stuff, the touchy feely stuff that dads don't quite get, a woman's perspective - even though I've always been a daddy's girl! I was only saying to my hubbie earlier that even as an older teenager, my mum would stroke my hand or hair if I was sad, and it's still a feeling I love now!

Another thing that I noticed, was that you said your husband doesn't seem to understand. My husband also doesn't come from as close a family as mine, and it took him a while to understand how close we are - that we actually enjoy each other's company! Something that people in our situations don't realise, is that a genuinely close, caring family who enjoys being together is an oddity these days. We are unusual and I have found that it takes alot for people to comprehend. For instance, so many people don't understand that I am happy my brother is bringing up his little boys with a good life in Australia, and I don't begrudge them that at all.

I am lucky that my husband has taken my family on board as his own, and appreciates our relationships, but for you I do know that it must be very difficult. I know all situations are different, but it's so hard for people to completely understand ways of being that are so far removed from their own experiences - it doesn't mean he doesn't care, although I am sure it must hurt. Have you tried finding the right time to tell him you feel lost and lonely? The right time is not always at the same time that the topic might come up in conversation!

None of what I have written is a solution, and probably won't make a jot of difference, but if it just lets you know that I do have some understanding of how you feel, then I will be happy.

I hope your day is a bit brighter than yesterday, but not a patch on the one you will have tomorrow. One day at a time? One breath, one minute, one sip of tea at a time!

take care, Poppy. I'm sorry you are hurting, but I do understand
love
Daisy Jane
xx

 

[Michele]

Hi Poppy,

Hey firstly, you don't need to be apologising for pouring your heart out. You know you can talk to us as much as you want. That's what friends are for.

Secondly, I wanted to send you load and loads of ((((((((hugs))))))).

Love
Michele
xxxx

 

[Helen33]

Dear Poppy,

I think a few of us on the forum are really missing family members who have either visited and left to go home or who have left home for other reasons. I am missing my daughter. She came to visit last week and I was surprised by just how empty the home seemed without her.

Sending love and a (HUG) and hope that your Talking Point friends might help fill the gap a little.

 

[Fenners]

oh poppy - dont apologise - you must be feeling so sad, nothing i can say to you right now will take the sadness away, how i wish i could make it better somehow, i am sending you a big hug and lots of love xxx

 

[Bronwen]

Hi Poppy...we are all saying the same "please don't apologise for sharing your hurt with us"..TP has helped me so many times..last night I was so sad at my husband's dementia and posted a letter and was so uplifted by the responses I had..we are all there for one another.

I can understand fully how you feel..both my children live hours away..I know they are in this country...but I do miss not being able to pop in to one of them for a coffee and a cry/laugh/moan..thats why TP is so important.

Hope the days get brighter for you and Summer will be here soon and another visit.

love
Bronwen x

 

[larivy]

i agree with all the others no apology needed summer is not that far away and tp is always here sending you a hug love larivy

 

[Skye]

Please don't apologise, I think many of us understand how hard it is for you. You are still feeling deeply the loss of your mum, and your sister going back to Australia makes the gap even deeper. Please don't hesitate to talk to us whenever you want to.

Sending you a huge hug,

Love,

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Poppy:
I too am so sorry to hear of your emptiness. I am glad you can come to TP and share your feelings here. I also feel it may help to focus on your sister's visit in the summer.

Also be thankful you have such a very close family. At least you do have them albeit miles away. There are others here who have less than co-operative siblings and they will be envious of you.

Please share your thoughts as you wish - no apologies needed