So, here we are.
- Thread starter LadyA
- Start date
That's exactly what I've done. Read the local newspaper.
A little concerned that since William died - in fact it was before that, it was when it became obvious he was dying - I've become a bit obsessive about reading the "In Memoriam" anniversary notices in the local newspaper each week, and looking at the photos, and thinking things like " I wonder if YOU ever thought it would be your turn to have the anniversary of your death remembered? " and then I think "Some day, that will be me. A little notice in the newspaper, all that's left. How weird that would be. " Except I doubt dau would bother putting an anniversary notice in!
She's not much for negativity. Or maybe what started me on this was the shock it was seeing William's picture with the "acknowledgement /thanks" notice in the newspaper after his funeral - even though I knew it would be there, as I had arranged for it. Seeing it in the newspaper somehow made his death and the funeral real. It all had really happened - it must have done, because it was in the newspaper. Maybe when I'm fully better, and Spring really comes I'll snap out of it.
I know how you feel, LadyA. I hadn't set foot out the door for three days, but I had to go shopping and to the library today so I went out in the pouring rain! I got a little soaked but it felt quite mild and I enjoyed walking about in the fresh air. Now of course I'm so tired I'd like to hibernate again but I got stuff done and I feel better for it.
Not nice weather again. Do take care of yourself as you are obviously not quite fit again yet. Can't wait to get out in the garden but it's so slippery at the moment that I've only managed to cut one lawn and prune the roses. However, have been given permission to restart Pilates. Yeah!
That's exactly what I've done. Read the local newspaper.
A little concerned that since William died - in fact it was before that, it was when it became obvious he was dying - I've become a bit obsessive about reading the "In Memoriam" anniversary notices in the local newspaper each week, and looking at the photos, and thinking things like " I wonder if YOU ever thought it would be your turn to have the anniversary of your death remembered? " and then I think "Some day, that will be me. A little notice in the newspaper, all that's left. How weird that would be. " Except I doubt dau would bother putting an anniversary notice in!
Maybe when I'm fully better, and Spring really comes I'll snap out of it.
Lord help you. It must be awful.
Hugs
Aisling
I haven't pruned the roses Verity - it's been so mild, in spite of the rain, that I was afraid to! Is it too late? By "prune", I mean chop them down - I've no idea how to prune them, but most of them, I did actually cut down to about half their size back in the Autumn, so I think they will do ok. There's just one I couldn't because a giant sunflower was leaning on it! And it needs cutting down badly, because it has keeled over and I had to tie it to the fence! So maybe I'll just chop it off for tidiness, if nothing else. I suppose if it dies, I can replace it, can't I? It's a Musk Rose, and absolutely heavenly - none of my roses look much cop - they were all bought for their scent, all old fashioned ones.
I had a chat with a friend on the phone (sitting in the pitch dark in the living room because I couldn't be bothered getting up to switch the light on!) and I felt much better after it. She assures me that it's all still part of "the apathy of grief", and although there will be times I'm fine, there will be times like this, when there seems little point in doing anything - and especially as I'm obviously not fully recovered from whatever nasty virus I had last week. I think she's right too, although I hadn't thought about it, in that the struggle I had over what turned into two months, getting William's headstone done - being promised each week that it was being done, and would be finished "by Friday", going to the cemetary and finding that it hadn't even been started and having to phone again, and being given another batch of excuses - and yes, I know the filthy weather had a lot to do with it, but there were several opportunities to do it, and it simply wasn't done. It was so upsetting. However, yesterday I phoned again to tell the guy that one of William's family is arriving from the US on Sunday, and I just won't know what to tell them as to why it hasn't been done yet - and he said that the foundadion was done last week, and the stone was being put up "tomorrow", which was today. He said it would have been finished last week, but he didn't want to just sandblast the interlocking rings that William wanted onto the stone, and carving them took a lot longer than he had anticipated - but he said it does look very well. I will go during the week and see it. Maybe. It's a big thing, I'm finding. A big part of me doesn't want to see it.
Thursday would be my dad's birthday - there was only 3 months between him and William. Can't imagine dad at 85! He died when he was only 69, of leukaemia. I plan on taking mum out for lunch on Thursday. We always do something - either go for coffee or lunch or I take her some flowers or something. And I feel like going out myself, by golly!
Your musk rose sounds lovely, LadyA and I'm sure it will survive some tidying up. They are pretty hardy and, touch wood, I haven't lost one yet by cutting it back hard. Even the elderly ladies!
I'm sorry to hear that you have been so down. Forgive me as I don't have your experience but I know that there are times when grief for Fred totally overwhelms me and he is still with me, so how much worse for you. It is still so recent and I know you have tried and are trying to be very brave but with your bug and the stress of the headstone, together with the awful winter we have had, it's no wonder you have been totally overwhelmed. I hope the headstone is now in place and you are pleased with it. Is William's American relative staying with you?
I also hope you and your mother enjoy your late father's birthday lunch. Did he ever meet WillIam? Fred and my father were the best of friends. I often said that he had more conversations with him than he ever did with me, my father I mean! He died aged 72, seems strange really as I shall be 76 in April and Fred is now 86!
Do take care of yourself and spoil yourself a little. Sending a loving hug.
Verityxx
I'm sorry to hear that you have been so down. Forgive me as I don't have your experience but I know that there are times when grief for Fred totally overwhelms me and he is still with me, so how much worse for you. It is still so recent and I know you have tried and are trying to be very brave but with your bug and the stress of the headstone, together with the awful winter we have had, it's no wonder you have been totally overwhelmed. I hope the headstone is now in place and you are pleased with it. Is William's American relative staying with you?
I also hope you and your mother enjoy your late father's birthday lunch. Did he ever meet WillIam? Fred and my father were the best of friends. I often said that he had more conversations with him than he ever did with me, my father I mean! He died aged 72, seems strange really as I shall be 76 in April and Fred is now 86!
Do take care of yourself and spoil yourself a little. Sending a loving hug.
Verityxx
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What a storm today and last night! Really sick of them!
Kicked self up the rear last evening, and got a little bit done. I set up the propagator and planted some seeds- flowers mostly. So at least the ENTIRE day wasn't wasted!
Today was a busy one. Mum is ill again, but needed her pads collected. Also, I needed some shopping and had a bag of stuff for the charity shop. So off I went. I also, while I was in, got a planted pot of flowers and went to dad's grave for his birthday tomorrow. Here's something to give you the willies. As I was walking back through the graveyard on the main path, there were areas I could see from the path where the mini digger had been at work, digging and filling in graves. Of course, the graveyard has been very muddy, so I'm sure it's not been easy work. Anyway as I trotted briskly along, head down against the wind, what did I see on the path?? :-o Small fragments of BONES!! I saw them, walked past several yards, and then went "hang on! Surely not! " and went back to look again. But I was not mistaken. They were just very small pieces. God knows how they ended up there- maybe caught in the mud on the digger tyres?
So, after that, I had lunch with mum, came home and swept and washed the floors, washed all the doors, and washed my hair. Also gave Lizzy cat a jolly good brushing - that time of year! A much better day than yesterday, if you don't count the bones!
Kicked self up the rear last evening, and got a little bit done. I set up the propagator and planted some seeds- flowers mostly. So at least the ENTIRE day wasn't wasted!
Today was a busy one. Mum is ill again, but needed her pads collected. Also, I needed some shopping and had a bag of stuff for the charity shop. So off I went. I also, while I was in, got a planted pot of flowers and went to dad's grave for his birthday tomorrow. Here's something to give you the willies. As I was walking back through the graveyard on the main path, there were areas I could see from the path where the mini digger had been at work, digging and filling in graves. Of course, the graveyard has been very muddy, so I'm sure it's not been easy work. Anyway as I trotted briskly along, head down against the wind, what did I see on the path?? :-o Small fragments of BONES!! I saw them, walked past several yards, and then went "hang on! Surely not! " and went back to look again. But I was not mistaken. They were just very small pieces. God knows how they ended up there- maybe caught in the mud on the digger tyres?
So, after that, I had lunch with mum, came home and swept and washed the floors, washed all the doors, and washed my hair. Also gave Lizzy cat a jolly good brushing - that time of year! A much better day than yesterday, if you don't count the bones!
Could be small animal bones Lady A. Don't let yourself think too deeply about it if you can.
I hope you recover fully from your cold soon. All I know about pruning roses is that you cut diagonally above an outward bud and away from the bud. It has served me ok over the years. I love roses.
I hope you recover fully from your cold soon. All I know about pruning roses is that you cut diagonally above an outward bud and away from the bud. It has served me ok over the years. I love roses.
I didn't look too closely at the bones - they were just small fragments. They could have been animal bones, I suppose - but I don't know how animal bones would have ended up in the graveyard! I'm not thinking about it at all to be honest Saffie - I would be quite pragmatic about such things. It's a graveyard. Of course there are bones there. And with the weather we've had all winter - well. We had a situation years ago here, where a developer bought some land near an old hospital. Used to be a "fever" hospital years ago. They had just scraped the topsoil & grass, shrubs etc., when we had horrific storms, rain etc, and the land, which was on a steep hill, collapsed. Turned out it was an old graveyard!! You could see old bones here and there. So developement was stopped while they sifted through, removed all the remains and re-interred them in a cemetary, and then proceeded. Archeologists had a look too - the bones were at least 200 years old. Not nice to think about, but these things happen.
Small animals live in graveyards so I guess they die there too!
I once disturbed one when I was attempting to plant a small Rosemary beside an ancestor's grave in a very old churchyard near Brecon. I screamed and ran!
I can't imagine why I didn't think about it being obvious such a creature would be there as the church was derelict, there being a new one close by!
I once disturbed one when I was attempting to plant a small Rosemary beside an ancestor's grave in a very old churchyard near Brecon. I screamed and ran!
I can't imagine why I didn't think about it being obvious such a creature would be there as the church was derelict, there being a new one close by!
I'm trying to pretend I am not sniffling more than I was yesterday, and not feeling completely exhausted, again! Going to our Community Group meeting at dau's this evening. She said SIL "caught himself with the chainsaw"! He was apparently up a tree at the time, and didn't feel it, until he realised his trousers were wet! Fortunately, he wears the proper trousers for use with chainsaws, so they are proctective - he still made quite a mess of his leg, according to dau. But, did he go to the hospital? Did he heck! He poured spirits over the wound (howled with the pain, according to dau! as you would!) then washed it out well. It was night by this time, and the only place open was Tesco, so all she could get was a box of bandaids! Which he did leave on this large gash, overnight. But she says that today, he has nothing on it. Yep - he's one of those types! God help us all if he ever gets ill enough to have to be in hospital! She and I will be hiding behind the sofa until he is well again!
And yeah - I'm feeling flattened with a cold! The irony is not lost on me!
Going to our Community Group meeting at dau's this evening. She said SIL "caught himself with the chainsaw"! He was apparently up a tree at the time, and didn't feel it, until he realised his trousers were wet! Fortunately, he wears the proper trousers for use with chainsaws, so they are proctective - he still made quite a mess of his leg, according to dau. But, did he go to the hospital? Did he heck! He poured spirits over the wound (howled with the pain, according to dau! as you would!) then washed it out well. It was night by this time, and the only place open was Tesco, so all she could get was a box of bandaids! Which he did leave on this large gash, overnight. But she says that today, he has nothing on it. Yep - he's one of those types! God help us all if he ever gets ill enough to have to be in hospital! She and I will be hiding behind the sofa until he is well again! And yeah - I'm feeling flattened with a cold! The irony is not lost on me!
So I have one of William's grandchildren staying for a few days - she actually leaves tomorrow, having arrived on Sunday. It's been go, go, go, with dau taking her sightseeing and me going along! Dau decided to collect her from the airport in Dublin and sightsee on the way home so as not to waste any of her stay, as it's so short. I haven't seen this girl since she was a child. Really nice young woman.
But I find myself feeling very overwhelmed by activity and doing things with people. I'm used to my own company. So tonight they are gone out and I, having spent the afternoon with them, stayed home, wallowed in a hot bath and am cozy in my pj's.
But I find myself feeling very overwhelmed by activity and doing things with people. I'm used to my own company. So tonight they are gone out and I, having spent the afternoon with them, stayed home, wallowed in a hot bath and am cozy in my pj's.
