Smoking

Millyella41

Registered User
Sep 23, 2015
8
I have a problem that is driving me crazy that I would love other peoples opinions on
My Dad has COPD and Vascular Dementia. Last year he gave up smoking and I was extremely proud of him and pleased that he had made a positive life change.
Just recently we have had a few problems with my niece who is 7 and suffering from anxiety
This has upset us all and consequently Dad is smoking again. I am very upset about this and so far I haven't mentioned it to Dad. In the past Dad has lied about his smoking and has been verbally abusive towards me
I really dont know how to approach this, please help!
Any advice would be welcome!
Lisa
 

Alicenutter

Registered User
Aug 29, 2015
560
Massachusetts USA
Let him smoke. Just insist he does it outside or in a 'smoking room'. As a smoker myself I know it's annoying for others, and I know the relief it brings to the smoker. He may decide to stop again and then you can be proud of him again...


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Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,600
Auckland...... New Zealand
Hi Lisa, sort of a similar situation here.
Dad is 78 now with MCI. Gave up smoking in 2011 for 2.5 yrs, which we were extremely proud of as he was a reasonably heavy smoker, least if all it was getting to be an expensive habit on the pension.
As Mum 75 was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2013, with the resulting stress he started smoking again by 2014. He would hide the fact and smoke at the back of his house.
Even when you could smell cigarette smoke on him, and the outline of a packet in his pocket he would deny it.

Mum gave up smoking when she was 60yrs and never went back to it.
She gives him grief over it, so he still smokes outside at the back of the house and hates it when it rains :rolleyes:
As much as us kids are all non smokers, and I have an allergy to cigarette smoke, I would rather have Dad smoking than drinking.
The only concern here ( other than his health) is the cost (GBP11) and can only afford one packet a week, two at most. As I have taken over there finances he gets quite stroppy about it.
 
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Millyella41

Registered User
Sep 23, 2015
8
Hi Lisa, sort of a similar situation here.
Dad is 78 now with MCI. Gave up smoking in 2011 for 2.5 yrs, which we were extremely proud of as he was a reasonably heavy smoker, least if all it was getting to be an expensive habit on the pension.
As Mum 75 was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2013, with the resulting stress he started smoking again by 2014. He would hide the fact and smoke at the back of his house.
Even when you could smell cigarette smoke on him, and the outline of a packet in his pocket he would deny it.

Mum gave up smoking when she was 60yrs and never went back to it.
She gives him grief over it, so he still smokes outside at the back of the house and hates it when it rains :rolleyes:
As much as us kids are all non smokers, and I have an allergy to cigarette smoke, I would rather have Dad smoking than drinking.
The only concern here ( other than his health) is the cost (GBP11) and can only afford one packet a week, two at most. As I have taken over there finances he gets quite stroppy about it.

Its a very difficult situation isn't it! What gets to me is the lies. I would rather Dad just admit to it and ask us for advice or support. I know this wont happen as Dad constantly goes against all the advice the doctors and the family give him
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,732
My husband had COPD followed by a diagnosis of lung cancer and he smoked his way valiantly to the end! I had to make a decision and decided that our relationship and my memories were the most important things in the world - plus I had two young teen children and I didn't want their memories to be tainted - so I ignored it 90% of the time and let him get on with it. To be honest I don't think it would have made any difference to his smoking habits if I had said anything.
 

Millyella41

Registered User
Sep 23, 2015
8
My husband had COPD followed by a diagnosis of lung cancer and he smoked his way valiantly to the end! I had to make a decision and decided that our relationship and my memories were the most important things in the world - plus I had two young teen children and I didn't want their memories to be tainted - so I ignored it 90% of the time and let him get on with it. To be honest I don't think it would have made any difference to his smoking habits if I had said anything.
Thats precisely why I havent said anything to Dad because he just will do whatever he wants to do. He has been like this for years and I have got to the stage where I dont feel I have the energy to fight any
more!
 

Gwendy1

Registered User
Feb 9, 2016
414
Glasgow
It must be so difficult, for you and your dad. I'm afraid I'm a smoker, keep trying to quit and finding a new stress/ excuse to postpone(!) my lovely partner has quit couple of years ago, and he's good at nagging me. Financially, I need to quit, Health wise, I need to.. However, I love my partner very much, but ... It needs to be a decision u make for yourself. I would hate to be a 'secret smoker' in my middle agedness! I do fully appreciate your concerns for your loved one tho. X
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
My lovely dad was given his first pack of cigarettes, as a 14th birthday present, from his dad! He gave up 70 years later and never smoked again! He was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer and I loved the look on the medical staff's faces when they heard the age he quit at! My hero x
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,762
South coast of England
My mum gave up smoking when I was in my teens and remained an anti-smoker for more than 40 years. Then she started again a few years ago 'because my friends do it' :rolleyes: She knows I hate it and says that she does not smoke before seeing me - when she remembers that she is going to see me, that is!

Mum doesn't have COPD but she has had a small stroke and smoking greatly increases her chances of another. However, she is 90 so I can hardly say that it will cause an early death, can I?!

I hate it. I don't try to pretend that I like it but nor do I nag her about it. After all, although our roles have been reversed somewhat, I am not her mother!

I believe that this can be related to some forms of dementia, rather like bingeing on sweeties?
 

chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
I smoke too so does my husband . We don't smoke in the house though and that has cut it down a lot . Husband has COPD, vascular dementia, Alzheimers and had 2 strokes . He does give up and starts again . Tbh whilst he struggles with his dementia , I just haven't got the heart to deny him that little bit of pleasure . It's frustrating enough trying to find the right words and being frustrated when he can't remember what he wanted to do or say . Xxxx


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