Registered User
Feb 19, 2009
Torquay Devon

Hi, just had a day out in Sidmouth and even though the day is pretty jumbled up,Elaine says it went very well. On the way there we stopped at nearby Dawlish and went into our favourite Deli to buy two bagettes. i had ham salad and Elaine the same. Elaine said she was popping next door to boots for a second and i said ok. Within seconds i had already asked the girl behind the counter if i had ordered bagettes, she said yes, seconds later i couldnt remember what fillings i had asked for!! this seemed to go on for ages until Elaine came back but elaine insisted she was only gone two minutes if that, and i certainly believe her.
I have never collapsed into such confusion so quickly before and i hope and pray it doesnt happen again in the very near future, though i dont hold out much hope. I have alwayts stated how Elaine is "My Rock" and never mislead anyone about how much i rely on her every moment of the day but this was at a new level. As always Elaine shrugged her shoulders and said " Thats ok" i will just make sure i dont leave you at all , even on days when you are not so cloudy. I worry about this as i want her to live her life to the max and feel so guilty and yet so helpless. i am so grateful for all Elaine does and the last thing i want to do is add to her troubles!! Apart from that a good day was had, but i just felt i had to share this with you, best wishes, Norrms and family xxx

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Norms

Please take it from me, as a wife and carer just like Elaine, you are burdening yourself more than necessary.
Whatever the outcome and however the condition affects us, we are in it together , you and Elaine, me and Dhiren, and all the husbands and wives, partners, and parents and children on TP.
This condition is no one`s fault. It was not caused by careless living. It`s just the [bad] luck of the draw.
You are wonderful Norms, and have made such a big contribution to TP.
We know you are having a bit of a downer just now, but it`s so good to read your posts and long may they continue.
Love xx


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Norrms, I second what Sylvia has said.

My husband John is now in care, and I miss him so much. I'd give anything to be able to have him home.

I'm sure Elaine doesn't see you as a problem -- or at least, your dementia is a problem you share. She loves you, and that's all.

Please don't worry.



Registered User
Mar 24, 2006
Co Durham
Hi Norrms

I fully agree with Hazel and Sylvia, this is not your fault and your wife will not blame you for what is happening.
I went through a similar thing a while ago, and I felt as if I was destroying everyone Else's life. But deep down I know that they are blaming me for anything. They get just as upset as we do, but who wouldn't in this situation.

Take it easy and take everything as it comes.

Best Wishes



Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
Hi Norrms

It's a whole new life change dealing with this illness and we are all in it together - the ones with the illness and the ones that care.
i want her to live her life to the max
This reminded me of when Sylvia said to me that I was trying to live my life as if it were 'normal' (meaning the familiar life) and she was right. You are wanting Elaine to have a 'normal' life Norrms and, however hard it is, you have to accept that it isn't the same any more. It doesn't mean that it is all bad for Elaine, it just means that in order for her to have the best for herself and you, she needs to adjust to the changing situations.

I can honestly say that when I can clearly see what needs adjusting I am only too happy to adjust. The worst part for me is when I can't see what needs to change.

It must be dreadful for you and Alan because you have to keep adjusting to letting go of your independence.

Now on a lighter note, I wish I could see the seaside!! I would love a walk along the beach or a cliff top walk.



Registered User
Feb 19, 2009
Torquay Devon
Thank you

Hi, and thank you all, yesterdy was a strange day indeed, i think it was the speed of the forgetfullness that threw me. When i had time to thonk about it i think some of it was panic at being stood there on my own, it doesnt happen that often these days and it really threw me. feelng very tired today but still enjoyig the sunshine, best wishes, Norrms and family xx

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