Showering my Father in Law

[wheelieb]

Hi, I wonder if anyone else has this problem. I am the main carer for my Father in law and just recently he has been flatly refusing to have a shower. He becomes quite angry and aggressive and will try and push me out of the way. I do not confront him and once he refuses, let him calm down. The thing is he doesn't wash either and will not change his clothes. I wonder how other carers manage this kind of situation. He has middle stages of Alzheimer's Disease, but is still mobile and is quite a strong man. Any help would be appreciated.

 

[jaymor]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

When dealing with dementia if you have not gone through this it is certain that at some time you will.

I whisked all my husbands clothes away at night and got clean out for the next day and he had no choice other than to put them on so clean clothes were never a problem. The washing and hygiene problem is also very common. I let it go a bit as long as sometime or other water came into contact with him. He was not incontinent so again not too much of a worry.

Keep coming along and posting, we can all help each other.

Take care
Jay

 

[wheelieb]

Hi Jaymor,
Thanks for reply. I had thought about trying to get all the clothes, but the problem is he doesn't like anyone going into their bedroom after they have gone to bed, ( We also have my Mother in law, both living with us). He does get quite aggressive at times, so its quite difficult. My husband is going to try and see what happens.

 

[juniepoonie]

that's what I was about to suggest. my BIL also has a problem with letting females helping with his personal care. though he is fine if a man helps we put it down to him being old school an it wouldn't be right for a lady to help with that kind of stuff. you could also try giving him some baby wipes to have a freshen up it is a problem that seems to be very common. hope you find something that helps. juniepoonie

 

[Witzend]

with my FIL I used to have clean things ready and zoom into his room to substitute when he was in the loo first thing. Only did it about once a week, though - timing was critical!

I could never get him to bath or shower - he would simply say he didn't need or want one and I could not risk any sort of pressure since he was prone to really furious rages. OH would manage it now and then but he was often away for a few weeks at a time. So FIL just had to do without, thank heaven he had no continence problems at the time and didn't really smell, apart from that vaguely unwashed smell you get from clothes that need a wash.

 

[optocarol]

Any chance of enlisting MIL's help by getting her to put clothes outside when they go to bed? Since you said their bedroom. I'm assuming they use the same room.

 

[Mamsgirl]

Hi, of all things dementia this is what I dread most. When the time comes I've resolved to do everything possible with sanitary wipes and odour absorbing spray etc. and placing maintenance of dignity above my notions of cleanliness.

(If incontinence becomes part of the mix it will definitely be the trigger for aged care placement because it's no longer just about modern obsessions with hygiene, but keeping elderly skin intact.)

Agree with posts about enlisting aid from others. Is your MIL able to safely help? Can this become your husband's area, backed up with phone calls when he's travelling? As JP says, it might be a gender related modesty thing too.

Good luck!
Toni

 

[Dottie 1]

Hi, I wonder if anyone else has this problem. I am the main carer for my Father in law and just recently he has been flatly refusing to have a shower. He becomes quite angry and aggressive and will try and push me out of the way. I do not confront him and once he refuses, let him calm down. The thing is he doesn't wash either and will not change his clothes. I wonder how other carers manage this kind of situation. He has middle stages of Alzheimer's Disease, but is still mobile and is quite a strong man. Any help would be appreciated.

We had the same issue, he also has continence issues too....I eventually took a bucket of soapy water and towels into is room and asked him to wash as we couldn't stand the smell any longer! He seemed to get the message then! The other trick was to give him baby wipes and ask him to wash with these....we are lucky as my FIL was only aggressive for a short spell and now is pretty subdued, we have had the bath removed and a walk in shower put in. He now lets the home helps and me shower him regularly, what a relief. I cannot do anything about his farting though Pheweee!

 

[tiggs72]

I had this issue with dad when he was first diagnosed - he stopped washing and changing his clothes. The carers couldn't get him to do it either and continually told me "they cud only prompt, and not enforce"!

Just as I was at my wits end my close friend took over - she goes to visit 3 times a week and jokes along with him about being bossy etc and now he quite happily changes his clothes , has the bed changed and showers about 3 times a day - I think I was too close to the situation and fretting to much and I guess he doesn't always listen to me (the whole father daughter role). She also made it very clear that we are doing our best to keep him in his own home so he needed to start to cooperate - this somehow worked for us.

Maybe you could find someone close who could help like this?
T x

 

[tiggs72]

Oooops 3 times a week - not a day! X

 

[ripley]

Tiggs 72,you do indeed have a very good friend.
Ripley