Should we get married?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by keegan2, Feb 27, 2015.

  1. keegan2

    keegan2 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    190
    my partner was diagnosed with alzheimers 3 years ago. We have a 7 year old son and 24 year old. Have been together for over 25 years never got married. Always planned to never got round to it. Advice do you think we should get married now before things get worse, would it make any difference financially, we own our home jointly. O/H is 62 and I am 51. Help.....
     
  2. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    I would take legal advice on this. You need to protect yourself if your partner ever needed care. Your children too.
     
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,708
    Female
    London
    I don't know about all the financial implications but if you want to get married, your partner needs to have sufficient mental capacity to understand what he is doing. Also, if he still has mental capacity, whether you get married or not, organise power of attorney and have him make a will now. Don't delay. If you are not married and there is no will, you might inherit nothing and his half of the house would fall to the kids.
     
  4. tre

    tre Registered User

    Sep 23, 2008
    1,353
    Herts
    Has Your husband already made a will in which there is some provision for you? If so this will be invalidated when you marry so you need to be sure he still has capacity to make a new one or you may find yourself in a worse position.
    Having said that my husband and I married in the first year of his diagnosis. He had been wanting us to marry for some years leading up to this, but to start with we never got around to it as substantial caring duties with my parents plus other family stuff made it less of a priority. As with you, we always intended to marry eventually. He was particularly keen on marriage in the couple of pre-diagnosis years, but I knew by then he had some health issues and told him I wanted to wait until we knew what he faced so that he could be sure I had agreed knowing what our future together might entail. After he was diagnosed we sorted out POA and our solicitor suggested that we pay for a private consultation with the consultant to confirm capacity as there is a difficult ex-wife from decades back . This was duly done and we got married and wrote new wills all at the same time. The letter confirming capacity is lodged with the wills.
    Incidently, his old will left one third each to his two grown up sons from his first marrige and a third to me. The new will leaves half each to his sons and I have the right to live in the house until I die so the difficult ex-wife was never going to benefit anyway even had we not got married.
    Despite the fact his dementia is now quite advanced I have never regretted for a moment that we got married.
    Tre
     
  5. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,276
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Same here , we got married just after diagnosis but it was planned anyway. Was the best day ever and haven't regretted it one bit


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  6. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    We got married after OH was diagnosed and it was the best decision ever. We had been together for 37 years and had no marriage plans; we married within 4 months of our decision and had a fabulous day. Sadly he has no memory of the day, but I do.

    From my viewpoint, I felt it strengthened my position in being able to make decisions for him. I have POA too. We own our own house, so it was important to get the financial side sorted out and I also wanted to know that I could take decisions for his health and welfare.

    My advice, go for it. It was the best decision we made :D
     
  7. keegan2

    keegan2 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    190
    Thanks for your replies. To answer some of your questions. Yes wills had been made prior to his diagnosis, mirror ones whereby who ever went first the other would inherit everything. In the event of us both dieing things would be passed on as directed. Hubby is still capable of making decisions although slower and more nervous. I realise the wills need to be updated and there are loads of other things I need to do which I keep putting off (burying my head in sand) I know I have to do everything and no one else is going to do it. Just feeling fed up of being in charge..........Sent of for my birth certificate which I lost so have got things moving........Think the old bride just might make to the registry office.......
     
  8. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Go for it

    Sounds like congratulations are in order then! One thing dementia teaches you is to live in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. Grab at this chance for such a happy day. Im sure you will both love it. And its a real happy moment for all of your family and friends.
     

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