should I tell family members?

[totallyconfused]

We were told early stages, shes on 16mg reminyl.

I think its worse than we thought. There are times when she cant walk down stairs properly because of shadows, confused regarding escalators and when the step starts and stops, trouble with seatbelts amongst other things. It is worse when shes tired. When I look up about medication-it says may work 6-12 months. The doctor is meeting her again in September which would be 6 months and he said more medication would be added.

The doctor was very relaxed about it, said not to mention it to her and wait and see again in September but I think he was trying to lessen the blow a bit.

Im in two minds whether to tell my late fathers nieces and nephews who adore her and who she helped raise. I don't want to scare people but then if they don't see much of her over the summer and then in September shes on more meds or it gets worse, is that worse for them?Are they better being warned so at least they are in the loop in case things go bad quickly?Or they want to spend more time with her?My mother doesn't know about the alzeihmers but they would keep that private.

 

[Beate]

In my mind they are better being warned. How can they prepare themselves, gain understanding and learn how to adequately talk to her if you sweep it under the carpet? She can't help her condition, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but she needs understanding, not her family thinking she will be as she was before. It's not about scaring people, it's about enabling them to be there for her in a constructive way. Yes it might be hard for them but I'm sure they'd want to know.

 

[totallyconfused]

In my mind they are better being warned. How can they prepare themselves, gain understanding and learn how to adequately talk to her if you sweep it under the carpet? She can't help her condition, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but she needs understanding, not her family thinking she will be as she was before. It's not about scaring people, it's about enabling them to be there for her in a constructive way. Yes it might be hard for them but I'm sure they'd want to know.

I told one of them on the phone recently but shes keeping it quiet from the others. It was a bad day and when she asked how my mother was, I couldn't lie and just told her. She was glad I told her.

My own siblings were hesitant to tell anyone, even the neighbours but Im the one at home during the day and I feel better knowing the neighbours know because if something happens, I know I can run to them for help if she gets lost etc.

If she did get lost and it was bad, then nieces and nephews would be angry we didn't say anything. warning is surely better than getting a call saying shes lost or in hospital or something.

Yes, I think it would be best. I think they would prefer to know. They can have their initial reaction to the news in their own home when I tell them rather than in front of my mother. I know I would prefer that.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi totallyconfused
I agree with your last post and with Beate - there's no reason to keep this from anyone - how each of them deals with the news is up to them - they may already have some suspicion anyway - and they may well be a real support to you; give them the chance - the more allies you have the better, and the more support for your mother, the better for her too
best wishes to you all

 

[totallyconfused]

Hi totallyconfused
I agree with your last post and with Beate - there's no reason to keep this from anyone - how each of them deals with the news is up to them - they may already have some suspicion anyway - and they may well be a real support to you; give them the chance - the more allies you have the better, and the more support for your mother, the better for her too
best wishes to you all

thanks. yes, that's the way I see it. She might be physically ok now but down the line, we will need support-family, neighbours as well as doctors.

I suppose part of me was hoping the diagnosis would change because the doctor was saying wait and see until September but he put her 16 mg reminyl. Its only given for alzeihmers and he said more would be added in September. I think I need to stop fooling myself that shes ok.

My siblings are still in denial but I think Im going to go ahead and explain in the best way possible whats happening. I need the support as does my mother.