Should i stay or should i go!!!

[TiredHills]

I need some help people!!
I care for my MIL pretty much 24/7. I nipped out on the school run this morning to find that she had decided to poo on the bathroom floor. My FIL just handed a cloth and told her to tidy it up and just let her walk around covered until I got back.
It was that bad I didn't know how I was going to get the nightdress off without getting it in her hair!! Luckily I'm a hairdresser so she is having a nice blow dry in a minute!!
After an extremely long shower to get her cleaned up she is now back in the toilet...can you see how the day is going to unfold!!!

I'm supposed to be going out tonight from 4 till about midnight. My husband is here to look after our children and his mum, but I'm scared that something like this will happen when I'm out. Should I go or not? My friends understand what the situation is, I was so looking forward to going.

 

[Soobee]

Incontinence is so tough to deal with.

I feel you should definitely go out, as you need the break.

Your FIL doesn't sound very helpful, but I hope your husband would be. Just give clear instructions to both so that it's not left to you.

 

[Risa]

If your MIL has already had a bowel movement then hopefully there should be no more for the rest of the day Definitely go out as planned but it might be worth, to avoid future issues, having someone accompany your MIL to the bathroom as she may be confused by the sequence in how to use a toilet (hence using the floor).

 

[TiredHills]

Neither the people that I'm leaving behind are "able" to go with her to the toilet!!

I just don't know what to do for the best.

 

[hiljon]

Neither the people that I'm leaving behind are "able" to go with her to the toilet!!

I just don't know what to do for the best.

I felt sorry when I heard of your difficulty.
I get over the problem with my wife by fitting her with Tena Super disposable pants.
I would take your loved one to the loo before you go out.
Good luck.
John F

 

[irismary]

Yes loo visit before you go out - and you absolutely should go, plus try a pull up pant as a precaution but sorry to ask but is there a reason why neither of the two people in the house can't take her to the toilet. If there is a physical reason clearly that's fair enough and I can understand a bit of embarrassment but should it really all fall to you to the point that you are even considering not going out. Careful you don't set a precedent that its all down to you. I hope you don't consider me rude but it will be better all round if care is shared.

 

[Samantha1977]

My mil has incontinence. And no matter if you take her to the toilet before going out. She will still insist she needs to go again later. So you could try it but she will still go.
I can understand the sensitivity of son not being able to take his mother to the toilet. The truth is...you all need to accept she has a problem. My other half has to supervise his mother when I'm I'm not around. It was very emotionally and mentally difficult and disturbing when he started to accompany her (stood behind the partially closed bathroom door and only intervene when there's a movement - when she starts to get up) making sure she has cleaned herself and not smearing or relieving herself on the floor.
My point is it is important you go out. And you need someone who is around to take her to the toilet wheb you're not around.
It. Is very hard but believe it or not eventually there will have to be someone sharing that particular task with you. You can't always be there.

I have tried to take advice and set a routine on bowel movement etc as professionals gave told me. But my mil will go whenever she wants. There's no way I can 'trian' her to a set time. I'm sure I'm not alone on this.

Hope you have decided to go out and use the time to have a break from the situation. You deserve it.

Sent from my SM-G925F using Talking Point mobile app

 

[netsy22]

My advice and opinion of what it's worth!

You should definitely go but you also need to talk to FIL and husband as to why they are not able to supervise her toilet visits. This can be done without touching her for the most part. Cleaning up a mess is awful, prevention is better - could you find a care worker or nurse to come and train them? They should help with cleaning the bathroom if they "cannot" wash her. Maybe you need to look at her diet also if she is going a lot. You may need to look at getting her a care package if you are facing this with no support.

 

[TiredHills]

Your all be pleased to hear that I went out and had an amazing time. Nice to go out and feel like a "normal" 30 year old!!
Really not looking forward to reality in the morning!!


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Samantha1977]

That's great Tiredhills. And you should do these sort of things more often. You will see how great and energised it makes you feel. It makes you feel more ready for your role as a carer.

Good luck
Xx

Sent from my SM-G925F using Talking Point mobile app