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Should Dad be present when we inter Mums ashes?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by cerridwen, Feb 12, 2015.

  1. cerridwen

    cerridwen Registered User

    Dec 29, 2012
    99
    Gloucestershire
    Hi all
    Just a recap: Mum died June last year, Dad has vascular dementia. Is still at home on his own with car calls three times a day and day centre four days a week. I am his registered carer, I shop, do his washing, take him to appointments, do his banking, a Take care of his three cats vets appointments and everything else. I also work full time.
    When Mum died, Dad went into a moderate depression, resulting in antidepressants. It's taken him about three months to get right, he is now quite content. The thing is, we have had a plaque made for Mum for the local cemetery and I am interning her ashes there on her birthday 9th March.
    I scattered some ashes on my Nan and Grandad grave before Christmas and Dads GP advised me not to take Dad with me then as he was still recovered from a low period and GP didn't want him knocked back. I am wondering whether to take him along to the interment of Mums ashes or not. GP says I should see how he feels but to be careful; I should do what's best for him. Its a lot of pressure! I don't want to deny him the opportunity for closure but I don't want him to go into another depression when he is doing so well.
    I would appreciate some advice and perspectives from you guys, I get good advice here
    Jaynex
     
  2. cerridwen

    cerridwen Registered User

    Dec 29, 2012
    99
    Gloucestershire
    Sorry - title should have said 'inter Mums ashes' - stupid autocorrect on iPad. X
     
  3. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Honestly? I wouldn't. I wouldn't risk upsetting him at this stage. He's on his way through the really hard bit and so set him back...well, for what? he had his closure at the crematorium.


    I guess others will say say 'yes, its important' but to me, the ashes could go anywhere, she'll be in his heart , always
     
  4. cold feet

    cold feet Registered User

    Nov 19, 2010
    22
    Essex
    I agree with Jessbow, I wouldn't take him. Why introduce the possibility of a return of the depression, when presumably he knows nothing about what is going on? He has already said his goodbyes.
     
  5. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    19,038
    Male
    North Manchester
    I agree with Jessbow, you say 'he is now content' , I would take his to mean that he has obtained some degree of closure. Taking him to the interment could just knock him back again to square one, I think the GP's 'be careful' could well be a way of saying 'I would not advise it'

    If you click on 'report post' on your first post you can ask admin/mods to undo the auto correct in the thread title.
     
  6. cerridwen

    cerridwen Registered User

    Dec 29, 2012
    99
    Gloucestershire
    Thanks everyone. You confirmed the doubts in my mind and gave me the opportunity to look at it from another angle. I was 50:50 now I am 99% sure I am not going to take him.
    Thank you
     

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