Shes fully we see the 'will'

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by KIM62, May 11, 2008.

  1. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    OK..this is the story.

    SIL, wrote her will over 10 years ago dividing everything between my husband and his children(from 1st marriage),I dont get a mention... but not worry.
    Anyway,last year her dementia really started to kick in. And, for reasons known to her, she gave my husband her copy of the will (that is how we know what is what).
    Now here comes the crunch. The house was their parents, then left to her as she never married and left home.
    And, in the will it is to be divided equally upon sale of it. Well, as it stands the house is going to have to be sold to cover her costs in the NH.
    My husband has some interest in this home, even though sadly nothing is written down on paper, I suppose many people never think events like this will happen.
    So, I suppose we will have to accept that whatever my husband has had a claim on the house has gone, even with the will.
    Question could be asked, why didn't she write it in her will better.
    The fact is the date on the will is one month after the passing of their mother so who knows what frame of mind she was in.
    I don't think she ever got over her mothers loss, events prove this, but thats another story.
    If anybody as any sound advice on anything that we could do, I would welcome it.
    As it is now, my husband is her POA, and her bank accounts are being eaten up by the NH fees, so the house is on the market by the end of this year, that should stand her for 3 more years at todays rate of fees if they were to stay static (ha).
    She gets the low rate AA, we have tried to raise it as she is fully dependable on care now, but the AA is taking forever to come to a decision.

    Someone recently told me their mother had an assessement, late last year, without them being told. And six month later she was refunded over £13,000, and no longer fully funds herself. It would seem her dementia has progressed even more, so can someone please tell me what is all that about...and what is this assessment called?

    I apologize for my rotten typing, but my head just seems to be in a spin about a lot of things at the moment with regard to SIL and her care costs, and care.
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    I can't speak to the will issue, but the only reason I can see why someone who is fully funded should end up being refunded monies is if they were improperly turned down for NHS continuing care at some point in the past. There have been a few well reported cases (and probably a few unreported cases) of this happening. Generally such assessments are not back dated, but if errors were made in the past they might be.
  3. Clive

    Clive Registered User

    Nov 7, 2004
    Hi Kim

    The assessment that you write about was probable for NHS Continuing Healthcare. This is when the NHS agrees that a person’s health is so so bad that their Care is not Social Care but health care and so has nothing to do with the local council and Social Services. It is quite possible (probable) that it has taken three months for the NHS to assess the person’s case. In this situation the care payments are backdated to the date the application was received.

    To see if your loved one has any chance of passing the NHS test go to

    and download “The Check List” (final version Sept 2007)

    Within the document you have downloaded is a chart with 11 health domains (areas).
    If you can honestly put TWO ticks in column A, or FIVE ticks in column B you should ask for an assessment.

    If you think your loved one has jumped this first hurdle then you should have a look at the “Decision Report Tool” from same web site to see what the NHS Panel will be assessing.

    Your loved ones health will be assessed by a Panel of health workers using this “Decision Report Tool”. That is the posh name for a tick the right box sheet. They will get the information they require from the GP, Consultant, Hospital, Nursing Home, etc.

    To stand a chance of getting the NHS to pay for your loved ones healthcare you need the Panel to be ticking some high boxes. You need them to have ticked either one Priority, or two Severe boxes to be sure of getting the NHS to pick up the bill. In the case of someone with AD you may manage to get the payment if the loved one has ticked a Severe box and four or more High boxes.

    To get NHS Continuing Healthcare is almost impossible.

    Best wishes

  4. Clive

    Clive Registered User

    Nov 7, 2004
    Hi Kim

    Sorry to hear of someone else in this position with a Will. The sad thing is nothing can be done.

    My grandma had my mother and another, older, daughter who remained unmarried (due to 1914 -18 war) and never left home (except when she joined up during the 1939 – 45 war).

    When she died in 1959 we found Grandma had left everything to the unmarried daughter as she said mum had a husband to look after her and her own home… but Grandma had got unmarried daughter to make a will leaving everything to her sister (my mum ) when she died.

    My Aunt’s will was dated in the 1950s and left everything to her sister, so mum should have eventually got her share of Grandmas house… but much too late to do her much good.

    When Aunty went into a home in 1995 Social Services were not interested in any verbal agreements, or the fact that mum had not had her share of her parent’s savings. By the time Aunty died Social Services had made sure virtually all her money had been used to pay the Nursing Home fees. The amount that mum inherited when Aunty died was almost the same as Aunty had saved from her weekly allowance whilst in the Nursing Home.

    Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done to change a Will once a person has mental problems. The system is very unfair. The Government seem to be only interested in extracting as much money as possible from the mentally ill so they can spend it on other things.

    Best wishes


    PS Mum is in a Care Home paying all the fees. She will now pay MORE in fees than the money she had when she went into the home.

    Many years ago she saved a man’s live. He was so grateful he promised he “would remember her in his will”. Mum joked about this for years, never expecting anything would come of it. The man has just died. He has left mum a sum in excess of £22k. I am sure he would have been devastated if he knew that his gesture was just going to go to pay nursing home fees that would otherwise have been paid by Social Services.
  5. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    Hello Clive

    I agree, it is disgusting how the system sees our loved ones as 'income' brackets.
    I recently spoke to a friend(84)who has a sister(late 70's)in a nursing home, with dementia, she was asked recently if they would want her sister to be resusitated, if the event should ever occur.
    She stated NO.
    She told me,her sister has not got the quality of life she would have wanted. And, why should her sister have to make do while funding the system (yes, she too is fully funding which is going down fast).
    I suppose each person is different, as is circumstances.
    But looking at how our loved one is deteriorating before our eyes, I honestly don't think she will know who we are this time next year. Don't get me wrong, the NH she is in is lovely and friendly. But the reality is, this is a medical problem that is not curable.
    Best wishes to you and thank you for responding to my enquiry.

    Kim x
  6. scatterbrain

    scatterbrain Registered User

    Jan 10, 2008
    funding care costs

    Hi Kim,
    I really do sympathise with you: it's a difficult situation to be in, and seems so unfair. However we have to deal with it the best we can.

    What I did for my mum when she had to move to care was to sell the house and invest the money to pay for her care. Half went to buy an annuity and half in a retirement bond (which is inheritable when that time comes). So far it is working well. I used a reputable financial adviser (yes, they do make some money out of it, but they do the job!) and I have been happy with the way it has worked out. This might not be appropriate for your circumstances, but I offer it as one suggestion.

    Mum is still convinced she has no money, and has no idea how her care home is being paid for, but so far she accepts my assurance that it is all OK. Long may it continue!
  7. KIM62

    KIM62 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2008
    Just an update...

    Thank you to everyone on this thread, for your response. I felt an update was needed now.

    Over the past weeks...My husband got a written letter to take down to SIL's bank to prove that she has a dementia. Along with the doctor's letter he took a form that had SIL's signature on it, and witnessed by another person. SIL understood what the letter was about, when it was read to her and explained.
    Her words were afterwards 'It's getting to be a nuisance is all this palarver'

    So, with the letters it allowed the bank to release one of her accounts funds, to cover her personal expenses and N.H fees. Of course this has to be all done again with each other account she has.

    In the meantime, there is something going through the court (not POA) where with doctors letters and support from solicitors, the court should grant my husband to continue the support and help he has been doing for his sister, and to get access to needed funds. And, of course eventually sell the house.

    Things are a little smoother now, and as long as I remember to ask for receipts whenever expenses are paid out to file them away safely, things should be ok.:)

    Im still in the forums, as over the months I have found these threads to be very useful in my help and search.

    Many thanks and see you in here.

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