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Seeking opinions re visiting.

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
183
0
New Zealand
What with me breaking my wrist, then the Christmas/New Year holidays, I haven't had much of a chance to decide just how often I would visit MH. I know it nearly killed my only being able to visit once a week while in plaster. There has been the distance and cost to consider also. On a recent visit, the RN suggested I only go once a week, but I don't think it was for any particular reason. I think she might have thought it was too big a task for me, but I'm ok with it. It has occurred to me that MH, dementia or not, is moping because I'm not there. I was his whole world and he is mine and he lights up when he sees me arrive with dog in tow. I am currently thinking that I will visit every 4 days. I actually wish I lived in the same town and would like to work in the rest home in a volunteering capacity, but that is going to take some organisation, if it happens at all. How often do others visit their LO or can you give your opinions on my intentions? I suspect I want to visit this frequently as much for my own needs as well as MH.
 

DennyD

Registered User
Dec 6, 2016
108
0
Porthcawl, South Wales
Visit as many times as you feel you are able to. My husband was admitted into emergency respite on 21 December. Due to COVID restrictions and a few cancellations by the ward, I have seen him only twice for 20 minutes each time. I was shocked at the dramatic change. He does not know me, recognise me, acknowledge me. He showed some signs of this before he went in, but I firmly believe that the little contact we've had, no touching allowed, mask on, being in a shared space, and sitting 2 metres away from each other, has contributed to, and damaged what we were able to maintain at home. When we were together I experienced the changes as they happened and found ways to cope, this experience has taken that away and brought grief. As carers we are reminded to look after ourselves, so if it helps with your needs, and also as you say he lights up when he sees you and your dog, I'd say do it.
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
183
0
New Zealand
Visit as many times as you feel you are able to. My husband was admitted into emergency respite on 21 December. Due to COVID restrictions and a few cancellations by the ward, I have seen him only twice for 20 minutes each time. I was shocked at the dramatic change. He does not know me, recognise me, acknowledge me. He showed some signs of this before he went in, but I firmly believe that the little contact we've had, no touching allowed, mask on, being in a shared space, and sitting 2 metres away from each other, has contributed to, and damaged what we were able to maintain at home. When we were together I experienced the changes as they happened and found ways to cope, this experience has taken that away and brought grief. As carers we are reminded to look after ourselves, so if it helps with your needs, and also as you say he lights up when he sees you and your dog, I'd say do it.
@DennyD Thank you for that and I'm so sorry for the anguish you must be going through. This is exactly what worries me i.e. that the lack of being together daily will accelerate MH's decline and his memory of me. The worst part is that there comes a time when they have to go into care and I'm sure we all wish things could have been different. It is a truly heartbreaking situation. I would give anything to make it all better.
 

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