1. Time trader

    Time trader Registered User

    Dec 30, 2014
    17
    Goodness how the times flies by! Christmas again and this is the first one without my dad. I realise, in the great scheme of things, he was fortunate in so far as his dementia did not stop living quite independently. Yes, we arranged a care package which my siblings and I paid for - Dad would never have accepted the help had he known though.

    He would shower himself and clean his home, it kept him occupied and helped him to focus. The carers would supervise his medication, prompt him to take more fluids etc, wash the pots if he hadn't done so and generally ensure he was alright. It took the pressure off the family although we would still visit regularly. They were "another pair of eyes to observe him every day" and we're absolutely brilliant with dad.

    It wasn't all a bed of roses though. Dad could be dreadfully unkind if the mood took him. He would make all manner of accusations against family members but by pulling together we would weather the storm in the knowledge that in a short period of time his mood would change and he would be so kind and gentle.

    When dad was alive we felt that we still had a connection with our late mum; we had a purpose to overcome the grief of losing her and knew we needed to be strong and brave for dad who had lost the love of his life.

    This Christmas is going to be the worst of all I guess but we all know that we have each other and although mum and dad are gone they are only a tear away and we have such precious memories to treasure.

    It is so important to remember that the problems we face when a loved one has dementia ARE the dementia, they don't mean to be unkind and abusive and nasty and disruptive; they are locked into the disease and I guess the changes in behaviour is their way of trying to escape.

    I want to wish all those who care for someone with dementia a Happy Christmas, be strong and remember when the going gets tough it's the disease you're battling against, not your loved one. Good luck and best wishes.
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,581
    Female
    Dundee
    Wishing you a merry Christmas too Time Trader.
     
  3. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    300
    North Cornwall
    Thanks for your poignant words Time Trader. Raise a glass to your folks and remember the happy times. I feel very blessed that my Dad is easy going and will put all his efforts into anything that I ask of him. We lost our Mum too, 11 Christmases ago and it will always be painful, but time has stopped it being so red raw.

    Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

    Heidi xx
     
  4. Louby65

    Louby65 Registered User

    Mar 26, 2014
    620
    Scotland
    Time trader , your words could not have came at a better time. I have just settled my mum back in bed for the 9th time tonight and know there will be more episodes overnight . While it seems the rest of my siblings are having a lovely Christmas Eve , I am on my own looking after my mum. As you say people with dementia cannot help their behaviour but just for Christmas my wish would be to have my mum dementia free ! So to all those people , who like me , are caring for their loved ones tonight I wish you my very best wishes this Christmas . Lou x
     
  5. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    624
    Female
    stoke on trent
    Oh lou.. Me too.. Up and down like a yoyo that's why I'm still on here waiting to see /hope that dad will settle I know what you are going through my best wishes exhausted 2015 xx
     
  6. Louby65

    Louby65 Registered User

    Mar 26, 2014
    620
    Scotland
    Thank you exhausted 2015. I do hope your dad settled . Best wishes , Lou x
     

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