First time I've ever posted but need some support. Been trying to get thru to Kent dementia helplne but busy all the time. My mum has no short or long term memory and keeps sayin how life is terrible, how ill she feels and 30 seconds later repeats herself. My dad has terminal cancer and feels bad today and had to leave the room in tears as he feels so helpless and ill. They've been married 68 years and i've moved in to help them stay together for as long as they can but am running out of ideas on what to do next. Mum is aware that things aren't right and keeps saying its becos she's a silly girl. sumtimes she talks about the letters and how she cant get them in order and doesnt know where to start. She constantly asks for permission to do things but has started complaining about every tele programme so dad turns it off and they sit in silence. dont really know wat to do next.She is frequently awake all night but not wandering just sitting up all night. anybody got ideas? Tis getting tough for all of us.
scearpa - Vascular dementia
- Thread starter scearpa
- Start date
So sorry to hear about your Mum (and Dad), but you have made a good move by posting. You will get lots of support and advice on this forum.
Does your Dad have any support (apart from yourself). He could ask Social Services for a carers assessment. Sorry if he has done this already, but if not he could get some breathing space if your Mum could perhaps go to a Day Care centre a couple of times a week. You don't have to face this alone especially as your Dad is ill.
It must be very sad for your Dad-I know all about leaving a room in tears and I've only been with my Husband for 21 years. Your Dad needs his sleep to continue caring, so perhaps the best thing would be if you and your Dad contacted your Mum's Gp. There are medications to help with sleeping.
I'm sure you will get a great deal of suggestions.
In the meantime take lots of care
Lyn T
Does your Dad have any support (apart from yourself). He could ask Social Services for a carers assessment. Sorry if he has done this already, but if not he could get some breathing space if your Mum could perhaps go to a Day Care centre a couple of times a week. You don't have to face this alone especially as your Dad is ill.
It must be very sad for your Dad-I know all about leaving a room in tears and I've only been with my Husband for 21 years. Your Dad needs his sleep to continue caring, so perhaps the best thing would be if you and your Dad contacted your Mum's Gp. There are medications to help with sleeping.
I'm sure you will get a great deal of suggestions.
In the meantime take lots of care
Lyn T
Hello,
I am so sorry to hear of the problems and it sounds pretty desperate when both parents have their own health problems.
I do suggest you contact Social Services and explain that the situation is desperate , emphasising that both your parents are at risk and vulnerable (this tends to get SS treating the case more urgently). Both parents are entitled to a Needs Assessment and this factsheet explains what they are about. If at all possible it would be great if you could attend such a meeting to highlight the difficulties. They obviously need some help.
I think there may be a few problems with the Kent dementia group and it may be wise to ring the National Helpline - the staff their are excellent and may guide you into what local services are available. The contact details are here:
I hope that helps.
I am so sorry to hear of the problems and it sounds pretty desperate when both parents have their own health problems.
I do suggest you contact Social Services and explain that the situation is desperate , emphasising that both your parents are at risk and vulnerable (this tends to get SS treating the case more urgently). Both parents are entitled to a Needs Assessment and this factsheet explains what they are about. If at all possible it would be great if you could attend such a meeting to highlight the difficulties. They obviously need some help.
I think there may be a few problems with the Kent dementia group and it may be wise to ring the National Helpline - the staff their are excellent and may guide you into what local services are available. The contact details are here:
I hope that helps.
vascualr dementia
Thanks for advice. We have direct payments in place now but it's all been such a fight and i have now given up my job and moved in to look after them. Had no contact from social servcies for last few months. Have had carers assessement and got £200 to spend on something like swimming - when i get chance! Dad doesn't want mum to go into residential care yet and says as long as she recognises him etc.. any advice/info on vascular dementia or how to deal with no short or long term memory? Mum is on mild antidepressant but gets stuck on repeating life isn't worth living or constantly, confidentially, saying how dreadful she feels and dad gets so upset as he feels helpless. Am sure we are better off than many but does get difficult sometimes with little sleep.
Thanks for advice. We have direct payments in place now but it's all been such a fight and i have now given up my job and moved in to look after them. Had no contact from social servcies for last few months. Have had carers assessement and got £200 to spend on something like swimming - when i get chance! Dad doesn't want mum to go into residential care yet and says as long as she recognises him etc.. any advice/info on vascular dementia or how to deal with no short or long term memory? Mum is on mild antidepressant but gets stuck on repeating life isn't worth living or constantly, confidentially, saying how dreadful she feels and dad gets so upset as he feels helpless. Am sure we are better off than many but does get difficult sometimes with little sleep.
Similar threads
