Scared

[Molly moo]

Just had second incident of very difficult behaviour in a week and I am struggling to cope with it.. My husband has alcohol related dementia which has affected his frontal lobe ..most of the time we do ok...life has changed a lot but we get by i work fulltime but my mum is around during the day but just lately he gets so angry and unreasonable if things don't go his way for example today the heating engineer came to fix our aga .. After they has gone it stopped working again.. I came home to him trying to dismantle it.. I can see what the problem s and try to explain but it's as though he s locked into a pattern of behaviour and can't listen rather than just wont listen.. I has to make his tools off him to make him stop.. I know that's not how to deal with it but I was worried he would flood the kitchen with oil.. I eventually calmed him and got him to go to bed.. But he's still getting up and down chuntering about it .. Sorry I am rambling.. I am tired and upset and just wanted some advice or maybe just to be able to tell people who know what it's lie as I don't have anyone to talk to about this.. My mum s nearby but doesn't understand and just gets upset .. Any advice appreciated

 

[susy]

I can't give you advice but didn't want just to read and run.

Hope someone else here can help.

Just know my thoughts are with you x

 

[Jan0702]

Big hug, know how you feel

 

[juniepoonie]

so sorry things are tough for you I don't have any advice because im not sure what your husband would except or not. we just try to get my BIL onto something else to distract him when he gets focused onto something similar to what you describe. I would may be say can you do anything about this I cant get it to work! and give him an old radio or something to take apart an fiddle with its just a distraction. chin up and I hope its helped to get it off your chest. take care juniepoonie

 

[chridgets]

Hi juniepoonie,
Sounds like a challenging situation. I'm glad you have been able to put it out there and not just hang on to it. Sometimes that's all that works for me and helps me try again. I try distraction but it doesn't always work.

 

[Austinsmum]

Just had second incident of very difficult behaviour in a week and I am struggling to cope with it.. My husband has alcohol related dementia which has affected his frontal lobe ..most of the time we do ok...life has changed a lot but we get by i work fulltime but my mum is around during the day but just lately he gets so angry and unreasonable if things don't go his way for example today the heating engineer came to fix our aga .. After they has gone it stopped working again.. I came home to him trying to dismantle it.. I can see what the problem s and try to explain but it's as though he s locked into a pattern of behaviour and can't listen rather than just wont listen.. I has to make his tools off him to make him stop.. I know that's not how to deal with it but I was worried he would flood the kitchen with oil.. I eventually calmed him and got him to go to bed.. But he's still getting up and down chuntering about it .. Sorry I am rambling.. I am tired and upset and just wanted some advice or maybe just to be able to tell people who know what it's lie as I don't have anyone to talk to about this.. My mum s nearby but doesn't understand and just gets upset .. Any advice appreciated

Hi Molly Moo, I’m afraid I can’t offer you advice just an understanding ((hug)). My mum gets fixated about things too and distraction doesn’t work, in fact it makes her more agitated because then we’re cluttering up her brain even more so. Makes for challenging situations when all you want is a sit down and a cup of tea.

 

[FifiMo]

There are wider implications too from this as he could get stuck in to something when you are not there and harm himself or damage the house. I wonder if he needs to go out to work too! How about if this 'job' was at the local day care centre? You could drop him off in the morning and collect him after work. My mother went because she was told that if she didn't volunteer then the place would have to close! LOL. This arrangement would reduce the stress on your mum too.

In the meantime I would move tools round to your mum's house.

Distraction can work but you have to be able to break the focus first. I wouldn't try it if there is a chance he would become angry or violent.

Fiona

 

[Molly moo]

Thank you everyone for yor advice and support . Selfish as it sounds it helps to know I am not the only one going through this.. The Aga saga continued most of the night and today when I got home.. Though he has acknowledged he can't mend it but next obsession is the cost of repairs and who should pay..ie the engineer as he over charged us for servicing (he didn't!) . Hopefully when it's mended it will pass and he will forget and we get a while before the next obsession!! And yes Fiona it does worry me about the Dangers around the house.. But there is no way he will go to a centre even under guise of helping out I have tried to find a focus he wants to work as he s jst 65 ...I have even got folk to order work off him ( he was a stained glass worker) but he hasn't patience to do it.. 6 months and half a lampshade later ..
Thanks again everyone it is appreciated..

 

[benjie]

Wow that is a very skilled and specialised and artistic job! Have you tried tapping into his artistic talent - maybe art classes - there is an organisation called 3AU (3UA?) for the over 50's who provide a variety of group activities although not dementia orientated. There maybe even a group called Approach who could we able to provide activities and lunch once a month if there is such a group in your area.

Also some CHs provide day care and may do so for dementia patients.

Best wishes
Benjie

 

[Scarlett123]

Big hugs and sympathy to you, it's a tough old road, isn't it. I now lie shamelessly to John, about the cost of things, and I don't feel at all guilty about it. For example, we had to have some guttering replaced so I said it was £20, and I am having new kitchen cupboard doors fitted for £125.

These prices are about 10% of the real cost, but it just stops John getting agitated, and that's my main aim in life. To those who kindly sent messages of support, following his heart attack, the effects/medication are making him sleep longer, but I'm not complaining.

 

[SUZY51]

Hi Molly Moo,

My goodness, you must feel distraught! In the earlier days of my husband's AD I was also trying to hold down a job...it's so, so difficult. Does your employer know your situation and are they sympathetic and helpful? Is there a welfare officer there who you can talk to?

It seems we have quite a bit in common...my husband is also 65 but started with AD from age 58. I have often wondered if his previous drinking had any connection. He was not alcoholic but certainly dependent (although he managed to run his own business). Do you have problems with his drinking now? I had many episodes trying to control my husband's drinking and once caught him drinking my hair-styling spray! As his AD progressed he lost all notion of self-control but was aggressive if I intervened.

Does your husband take medication? Has anyone suggested this to you? When my husband was 'obsessing' in the same way (and also refused day centre involvement) his doctor prescribed Lorazepam. I found that this helped with my husband's agitation and calmed him down enough for us to keep him at home with us a while longer. Everyone reacts differently to drugs but it worked for him, at that time.

I know the stage you are at. I think we are further down the road. I know so well how you must be feeling, it's a dreadful time. Please know you are not alone...I found strength coming here on the forum and just reading the posts..knowing that it's not weak to struggle and despair.

Speak with your employer and speak with the doctor. Hopefully they can give some support.