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Devonian from WS

New member
Jun 5, 2023
8
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Hello @Devonian from WS and welcome to this forum from me too! From what you have said, you have , for very sound and admirable reasons, put yourself in a difficult position. Your ex husband, it does sound like to me, is using your good nature , but as @northumbriantian_k has said, as the dementia worsens, you will not be able to care for your father in law 24/7... or you will burn out. I agree to contact Social Services as soon as possible about the situation, they will probably do a needs assessment, but at least also you are in the system and flagged up as caring for a vulnerable person. You will not be able to carry on like this indefinitely.
Thank you for taking time to respond. I spoke with occupational health this week, as finlaw needed a mechanical bed. She was lovely and said that I must call on them for any help I need for him. He's already saying he won't use the bed unless he gets sores from sitting in his chair. He's very bloody minded! My ex knows full well how bad his dad will get, which is why he's trying to keep me sweet with flowers and over the top gestures! I'm not as daft as I look...
 

Picklesw6

New member
Jun 5, 2023
3
0
Hello all.
My father is 90 years young and has vascular dementia. He is now in a nursing home, and is unfortunately very uncommunicative. Not rude or violent but just cant talk anymore. Just mumbles, he seems to know who we are but he's not the strong Dad anymore.
Just found this site.
Nick
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
6,281
0
south-east London
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Picklesw6 - I am glad you have found us, you'll receive lots of support here.
I am sorry to hear that your father doesn't talk now. This happened with my late husband - but we still seemed to find ways to communicate even if it was just my voice or holding hands. Not the same as it was, I know - but it was something.
Have a look around the forums and, when you are ready, perhaps start a thread in the I care for a person with dementia forum.
We are all here to help snd support each other, so keep posting 😊
 

Devonian from WS

New member
Jun 5, 2023
8
0
Hello all.
My father is 90 years young and has vascular dementia. He is now in a nursing home, and is unfortunately very uncommunicative. Not rude or violent but just cant talk anymore. Just mumbles, he seems to know who we are but he's not the strong Dad anymore.
Just found this site.
Nick
Sorry to hear that Nick, does he seem happy enough in himself?
 

Longlegs

New member
Jun 5, 2023
3
0
Hi I work full time, but I’m a registered carer for my mother.
Mum is 88 has dementia, she lives at her own home and has carers in 3 times a day.

But I’m still there 5 or 6 days a week.
 

PhilWill

New member
Jun 6, 2023
1
0
Hello everybody!

Like so many others on the Forum, my eldery parent (mum 94) was recently diagnosed (six months ago Vascular Denentia). Luckily she is fit and mobile, but her short term memory is dreadful, she does not accept she has a problem. I live many miles away and know I will have to deal with the upcoming issues myself. So far things are manageable (my partner is very understanding) but I'm trying to find out what support is out there so I can prepare and as far as possible have things in place. We did double POA's during lockdown, which took 8 months to get in place!

Look after yourselves.
 

Tricot

Registered User
Jun 20, 2017
310
0
France
By the way, while I have you here, can you show me how to post a new post here? I tried to follow the directions given, but got all confuzzled.
Sorry I've only just seen your post. To post a new thread, go to the top of the forum where you want to post and you will see a yellow box on the top right which says Post Thread. Click on this yellow box and and a space will open where you write your new message. Just take your time. You're doing ok so far!
 

cbeigle54

New member
Jun 3, 2023
4
0
Sorry I've only just seen your post. To post a new thread, go to the top of the forum where you want to post and you will see a yellow box on the top right which says Post Thread. Click on this yellow box and and a space will open where you write your new message. Just take your time. You're doing ok so far!
Thanks :)
 

John Mcfarlan

Registered User
Jun 8, 2023
16
0
HelloI am John 68 and my wife is 67 and has, as yet undiagmosed dementia as she has refused to see the doctor about this. About 18 months ago i got her there ona pretext and she had a melt down and refused to co-operate. I believe she is early to middle of the middle stages as she finds it difficult to converse: losing the thread, forgetting words etc and if you ask her to hand you a fork she is as likely to give you a teapot. She forgets names and frets continuasly about what to wear and dates of appointments with repeated confirmation needed. I believe it is Alzheimers but FTD seems a possibility too as the language ability seems worst affected. I have managed to obtain POA and engaged her GP who is trying ot get an assessment as she was unwell with an infection recently so we have 'dressed up' tests for dementia as follow ups to the infection. LIke Teacher 212 my wife has given up reading, sudoku drawing and other amusements. Sadly she can't use her phone so that's gone too. She watches TV all day and follows me around in between as I do chores. We go shopping every day as an excuse to go out. She enlys eating out so we do that several times a week. We are lucky in that we can afford it. Any other activities anyone can suggest would be most welcome.
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,784
0
Kent
HelloI am John 68 and my wife is 67 and has, as yet undiagmosed dementia as she has refused to see the doctor about this. About 18 months ago i got her there ona pretext and she had a melt down and refused to co-operate. I believe she is early to middle of the middle stages as she finds it difficult to converse: losing the thread, forgetting words etc and if you ask her to hand you a fork she is as likely to give you a teapot. She forgets names and frets continuasly about what to wear and dates of appointments with repeated confirmation needed. I believe it is Alzheimers but FTD seems a possibility too as the language ability seems worst affected. I have managed to obtain POA and engaged her GP who is trying ot get an assessment as she was unwell with an infection recently so we have 'dressed up' tests for dementia as follow ups to the infection. LIke Teacher 212 my wife has given up reading, sudoku drawing and other amusements. Sadly she can't use her phone so that's gone too. She watches TV all day and follows me around in between as I do chores. We go shopping every day as an excuse to go out. She enlys eating out so we do that several times a week. We are lucky in that we can afford it. Any other activities anyone can suggest would be most welcome.
Hi and welcome to the forum @John Mcfarlan
Have you been in contact with any of the local charities or similar organisations that may deal with people with dementia (PWD)?
In my area Age Uk and separately a local church have "Dementia Cafes" or "Forget-me-Not cafe" where a PWD can go with their carer for a 2 hour session for contact with others, jogsaws, quiz, music and singing, old photos, and memory cards to stimulate memories and conversation etc. Usually you have to register with them as some have limited numbers of places, or even waiting lists. A different church runs a weekly session called Memory Singers with old songs etc.
Dementia UK - look on their website - have various activities including appropriate exercises for fitness for all abilities or none
The Alzheimer's Society has a booklet or online of activities for PWD
Many areas have a "Mens Shed" or ladies' equivalent or day centres with activities (and including lunch, hair washing, etc) (for a charge)
So you see, if you look, I'm sure you'll find activities suitable for your OH. Do try these, because the time during which a PWD can enjoy these activities is limited.
Best wishes
 
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lynneden

New member
Jun 8, 2023
6
0
Hello, my lovely 66 year old husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year.
Thankfully he remains happy and laid back but heartbreaking to see such an intelligent man unable to tell the time etc.
I am trying to stay positive and live life to the full.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,638
0
73
Dundee
Welcome to the forum @lynneden.

I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis but I’m glad you’ve found this forum.
 

Gosling

Volunteer Host
Aug 2, 2022
1,891
0
South West UK
Hello, my lovely 66 year old husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year.
Thankfully he remains happy and laid back but heartbreaking to see such an intelligent man unable to tell the time etc.
I am trying to stay positive and live life to the full.
Hello @lynneden and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You will find this a very friendly and supportive forum I am sure.
I am sorry to learn of your husband's diagnosis. Yes, it most certainly is a horrible disease. Do still try to live life to the fullest as you say, as I'm sure you are aware, the journey ahead will become even more challenging. Wishing you all the very best, and do use this forum, even if you just want to have a bit of a rant. We all do at times!
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,784
0
Kent
Hi and welcome @lynneden
Do as much as you can for as long as you can, as the window of ability to do things by a PWD does not last forever.
See my post earlier today above.
 

Pineapple16

New member
Jun 8, 2023
4
0
Hi, my mum has Alzheimers recently diagnosed, however we’ve known since Jan 2020, that things were far from alright. However she was in denial and still is to this day. She refused to see the drs. It wasn’t until she started crashing her car and hitting walls, bins etc, we made her go to the drs. She lost her job because of this and we scrapped the car as she was a danger to herself and others. Luckily we had power of attorney in place. This was last October. However every day she phones up and says where’s my car, I need to get to work and she gets very aggressive about it. She’s insistent she drove it yesterday. My brother takes the brunt of this as he still lives at home. I am 230 miles away. We have tried distraction techniques but nothing works. She is so close to needing care, but that’s another saga! Why cant she forget, what we need her to forget?
 

John Mcfarlan

Registered User
Jun 8, 2023
16
0
Hi and welcome to the forum @John Mcfarlan
Have you been in contact with any of the local charities or similar organisations that may deal with people with dementia (PWD)?
In my area Age Uk and separately a local church have "Dementia Cafes" or "Forget-me-Not cafe" where a PWD can go with their carer for a 2 hour session for contact with others, jogsaws, quiz, music and singing, old photos, and memory cards to stimulate memories and conversation etc. Usually you have to register with them as some have limited numbers of places, or even waiting lists. A different church runs a weekly session called Memory Singers with old songs etc.
Dementia UK - look on their website - have various activities including appropriate exercises for fitness for all abilities or none
The Alzheimer's Society has a booklet or online of activities for PWD
Many areas have a "Mens Shed" or ladies' equivalent or day centres with activities (and including lunch, hair washing, etc) (for a charge)
So you see, if you look, I'm sure you'll find activities suitable for your OH. Do try these, because the time during which a PWD can enjoy these activities is limited.
Best wishes
Hi Chizz and thanks for the reply

My wife is not sociable and I don't think she'd enjoy mixing with new people. I was just wondering if anyone had found any in home activities I could give her. My daugher brings pottery for her to make but it's a once a week thing. We've tied colouring books but the attention span is short!

Cheers
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,638
0
73
Dundee
I wondered if she would be interested in adult colouring books. This is one example but your can find lots on the internet -


There might be some ideas for you in this booklet.



Edit - - oops! I just saw your comment about your wife not being interested in colouring books. Sorry! Even if she used these for a short while then moved on to something else they might still be useful. As my husband's dementia increased he used to spend hours looking through magazines and catalogues. He then progressed carefully tearing out picture from them!
 

SherwoodSue

Registered User
Jun 18, 2022
614
0
Hi, my mum has Alzheimers recently diagnosed, however we’ve known since Jan 2020, that things were far from alright. However she was in denial and still is to this day. She refused to see the drs. It wasn’t until she started crashing her car and hitting walls, bins etc, we made her go to the drs. She lost her job because of this and we scrapped the car as she was a danger to herself and others. Luckily we had power of attorney in place. This was last October. However every day she phones up and says where’s my car, I need to get to work and she gets very aggressive about it. She’s insistent she drove it yesterday. My brother takes the brunt of this as he still lives at home. I am 230 miles away. We have tried distraction techniques but nothing works. She is so close to needing care, but that’s another saga! Why cant she forget, what we need her to forget?
It’s soo hard isn’t it? Mum found letting go of the car the hardest too.
 
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