1. Sandra24

    Sandra24 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2015
    7
    Hi
    My 79 year old dad has Alzheimer's and has been placed in a nursing home this week after a long stay in hospital while he was assessed.
    My mum has looked after him with this disease for 8 years and over the last year he has become more agitated and aggressive to everyone. It all came to a head after two days and nights of complete hell for him and us with verbal and physical aggression, repeatenly calling police and ambulance for assistance, finally with dad being sectioned. Turns out he had a raging UTI which escalated everything.
    The section was a pretty awful experience and dad and Mum have been through hell.
    I wanted to talk to people who understand what we have been going through and to talk to people who have had similar experiences.
    I really feel it is hitting me now and I am absolutely devastated with the whole situation
     
  2. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,486
    Female
    England
    Hello Sandra and welcome to Talking Point.

    There are many carers on here who will have gone through the same, I am one of them.

    After three crises where medical and police where involved my husband entered an assessment unit. It was a hard and upsetting 9 weeks but it got him the help he needed and at last the professionals understood just how the disease was affecting him. He had been diagnosed 7 years earlier.

    He went into a nursing home from the assessment unit and he is in a wonderful nursing home where the staff are trained to deal with difficult behaviour. It was very hard and upsetting to begin with but he was getting the level of care he needed and deserved.

    He has been there for 3 years now and everything has settled down and life for him and our family is as good as it can be, we are very lucky.

    Hopefully once your Dad settles he will feel the benefit of having carers around him and your Mum will enjoy quality time with him knowing the not so nice part of care is being taken care of and she will have some time to regain her strength.
     
  3. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,476
    London
    Hi Sandra and welcome to TP I have great empathy with what you and your mum are going through that was me a few months ago with my husband he has had Alzheimer's for 9 years and we managed at home and then he got very aggressive and violent ended up with police here and he was sectioned and went to assessment unit from there he went to a care home at first I was devastated as were my sons but now he has been in care home for a few months he is more contented and I now realise it is the best place I try and remember all the good times. Sorry this is such a long post but I wanted to let you know it does get easier you will find lots of support here xx
     
  4. Sandra24

    Sandra24 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2015
    7
    Thank you Jaymor. It is good to chat with people who understand ....
     
  5. Sandra24

    Sandra24 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2015
    7
    Thank you so much for replying. You feel like your going through this alone my dad is a fantastic man and I just want him to be settled and at peace. I'm sure it will get better with time. Hopefully we can have some peaceful times with him. I really feel for my mum who must be going through so much although she seems so strong I feel like a little girl again. Silly as I'm now 50
    QUOTE=nannylondon;1166801]Hi Sandra and welcome to TP I have great empathy with what you and your mum are going through that was me a few months ago with my husband he has had Alzheimer's for 9 years and we managed at home and then he got very aggressive and violent ended up with police here and he was sectioned and went to assessment unit from there he went to a care home at first I was devastated as were my sons but now he has been in care home for a few months he is more contented and I now realise it is the best place I try and remember all the good times. Sorry this is such a long post but I wanted to let you know it does get easier you will find lots of support here xx[/QUOTE]
     
  6. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,476
    London
    Sandra you are never alone on here I think I would have had a breakdown without it it's only place where people understand what you are feeling x
     
  7. Sandra24

    Sandra24 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2015
    7
    Yes you are right. Thank you for your support. Be good to check in after a visit to dad which is often when I feel low and a knot in my stomach. It's funny really cas I'm always very upbeat and positive x
     
  8. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    2,675
    Hi Sandra, my mum was in a lovely residential home but has deteriorated greatly over the last few months. She became aggressive and shook her fist at another resident. She was sectioned last Friday. It breaks my heart that my lovely, kind, thoughtful mum has spiralled into this.

    Today she was withdrawn and quiet. I'm not sure why. I guess it could be medication. I actually feel it's preferable for her to be calmer but I never wanted it to come to this. I noticed another visitor staring at mum today. It turned my stomach. I hate people judging her. She's 68 and much younger than most of the people there. My poor mum.

    You will find so much support here. It got me through some dark times. And continues to do so xxx
     
  9. Sandra24

    Sandra24 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2015
    7
    Thank you so much.....I have only just come onto TP but already it is helping talking with people who understand.....I'm so sorry about your mum it must be so hard for you. I understand what you mean. My dad was well known in his town and my mum took him out everyday with her wherever she went and when his illness deteriorated, he became very aggressive with people he had known for years and swore a lot( words I didn't even think he knew!!). I was really sad how he would be judged and he would have hated to have treated people like that.
    It is the awful disease making our loved ones behave in that way. My dad had to have a lot of medication when he was first sectioned and for a while to keep him calmer which was really good for him and allowed him to be treated( as he had a UTI) and then assessed for the type of care he should have for his particular needs.
    Now he has much less medication, with the help of experts and caring nurses and doctors who see my dad as a person and adapt to his reactions and anxieties .
    I can see that now and it has helped me to have a bit of my dad with me and for him to remain calmer in his own mind.....sorry to waffle on but hoped it may help a bit for you to.xx.....
     

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