1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Sandgrounder

    Sandgrounder Registered User

    May 5, 2006
    9
    Merseyside
    It's Valentine's Day tomorrow and my husband's card to me is on the mantelpiece ready for me to open it. But I know that, unlike even last year, my husband hasn't sneaked off into town to buy the card, or has even taken on board what day it is despite me taking him very slowly past the cards and fluffy red cushions in Tescos earlier this week. So this year I organised for my daughter to take him to get a card, which she did today, reporting back that she had actually chosen it when her Dad kept picking up to my girlfriend/husband cards and was at a loss. So at least I have a card, but I haven't organised this for me but because I know that tomorrow he will be really upset to think he has forgotten to buy me a card. And I want to do all I can to keep him happy. But I am sad. Because I know this is now where we're at. That next year it won't be any better. And tomorrow I won't have any surprise restaurant bookings, no flowers, no romance. But I will just be happy that he is still at home with me. And he will be happy.
     
  2. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    But you will have your memories and a husband still by your side who is as comfortable and happy as he can be. Keep your chin up, these 'special' days are very hard to cope with for many people here on TP.

    xxTinaT
     
  3. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    It is very sad. I took my husband with me to buy cards together. I cannot bear to face nothing so this helps to ease the pain. The cards are now sitting on a kitchen work surface, unopened and unsigned by either of us (but I know they are there).

    Love
     
  4. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Yes, it is sad.
    I will also not get a card or flower's.
    But, I have Ron, that mean's more to me than anything.

    Big HUG X

    Barb X & Ron ZZ
     
  5. icare2

    icare2 Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    84
    scotland
    snap, we must have the same daughters lol

    it was nice reading your post,as my daughter like yours remembers all birthdays,anniversieries etc. etc..and it does really bring a little happieness to her everytime even tho I say she never ever sends me one lol..take care
     
  6. Sandgrounder

    Sandgrounder Registered User

    May 5, 2006
    9
    Merseyside
    Thanks for the comments. I don't mean to come over as feeling sorry for myself. I know I'm still very lucky to have him here with me. But this is the first year I've had to do this and though I've been bright and breezy about it, in front of my children, it has really hit home tonight the change in my husband in the last year. And I know so many others on this site will be doing similar things. I have a friend who makes sure her neighbour gives her husband a card to hand over - the same one every year but of course he doesn't know that. I guess I just wanted to voice what we go through. Sometimes it's these little things that cut really deeply just when we think we're doing so well. The silly thing is that in the old days, these small things were never that important to me. Just goes to show you never know what you have, til you haven't. xxx
     
  7. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    I know just what you mean Sandy. My husband was an artist and he always sent me home made valentines cards. I never really appreciated them until he could no longer do them. It's the little cuts that hurt the most don't you think?
    xxTinaT
     
  8. roundy

    roundy Registered User

    Jan 1, 2009
    318
    southport
    hi
    Looks like we are from the same town. Small world!

    My mum has vascular dementia,she is 61 and just gone into a home,hurts like hell! You are so right about the little things,I had to get my own bday card just before xmas and sit there and tell her what to write on it,same with christmas presents.Mum always use to make such a fuss over such occasions and now she doesn't even realize what they are.But I have the card and will keep it forever and I have all the memories of birthdays past..She has done some great parties for me!

    Take Care and have a lovely day tomorrow,am going for dinner at the home with my mum,oh the joys!
    Love Lisa.xxxx
     
  9. sad nell

    sad nell Registered User

    happy valantines day everyone, wish it was our partners saying that but i am afraid,i will never hear that again from my lovely trev ,and he was sush a romantic, one year he asked which restaurant had i enjoyed most, i said this tiny tatty bistro in Paris did the best sole menuire and inside my card where tickets for Paris, but sods law when we got there the bistro was all boarded up and closed down, the food cannot have been has good as i remembered. would be happy tomorrow with just a smile but dont think i will get one of them either, yes i do feel a touch sorry for myself so for all you uther cardless people heres a big kiss.
     

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