1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. ferniegirl

    ferniegirl Registered User

    May 10, 2015
    Surrey, UK
    Hi everyone, haven't been on for a while. My 90 year old mum has been 5 months in the dementia home, separated from my 99 year old dad who is in another home 7 miles away. It has been heartbreaking to separate them, my dad is philosophical about it and likes his care home so won't move to the 'normal' part of mum's care home. We take him over to see her but they just hold hands and get upset (my mum is still just about aware of who we all are) so we do wonder if we are doing them more harm than good. My mum thinks dad is around most of the time anyway as she lives in the past but also she gets fixated with other men in the home thinking they are him (which has caused trouble when their real wives come to visit!).

    I just feel so sad. Last Christmas they were together in their own home (although not doing very well) and I still cannot get my head around what has happened this year. We are all visiting Xmas eve but cannot do Xmas day and that upsets me.

    I know we are all in the same boat so I wish you all the happiest Xmas you can have under these circumstances!
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    It's natural to be sad. You've had a lot of change this year. I hope you have a happy Christmas.
  3. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    I know how you feel ferniegirl. My granny was in a home for the last few years of her life and had little idea what was going on or who anyone was. My mum could no longer look after her and the rest of us were scattered around the country just trying to make a living. It is ad to see people you love disappear, I am lucky OH is still at home and is still able to get out and about, even if she is tired out for a few days afterwards.

    Hope you have a better year next year, in the circumstances.
  4. Katie1072

    Katie1072 Registered User

    Aug 13, 2015
    Sad this Christmas

    This is my 1st Christmas without my dad as he went to heaven on the 21st September Last year he was in a home and we got to visit him
  5. Emac

    Emac Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013
    changes in a year

    I can identify with this ferniegirl, Last Christmas my 75 year old Mum lived at home with my Dad (79) who looked after her with help from my sister and I and social services. This September he decided he could no longer cope and now Mum is in a care home and he is at home. It's like they have split up and although he visits several times a week and takes her out she THINKS they have split up! This Christmas will be very different from previous ones and I too am sad. However I am also aware that this is as good as it gets. Next year will most certainly be worse, and while its natural to be sad I have resolved to enjoy the fact that at least both are still here for now and try and enjoy what we have ... as other posters have said - many have lost loved ones this year. Wishing you and all other TP members joy and strength and a peaceful Christmas, whatever your circumstances xxxxx
  6. MShayne

    MShayne Registered User

    Dec 5, 2013
    Witham Essex
    NHi everyone. Best wishes to you all for 2016. My husband went in to a care home in
    November. This is the first Christmas we've spent apart in 51 years. He was'nt aware
    it was Christmas, he doesnt always know who I am or the children (children no longer).
    I think I'm suffering more than he is. I feel like I've been bereaved and though the
    kids have visited I'm desperately lonely and miss him so much even though I could
    no longer care for him. I have Parkinsons and running the home and caring for him
    was not easy. I have visited him but he's quite 'vacant' and cant follow anything or
    hold a conversation. Does this get any easier? Its like a living death. I find myself
    one minute wanting him home to try again and another wishing he'd gone quickly
    with a heart attack. I feel for you all out there in this situation. Bless you.
  7. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    And I feel for you all out there trying your best under very difficult circumstances to get through this Christmas period.

    Perhaps if we ignore all the hype on TV, radio, the shops etc., etc., and get back to realising that Christmas is a little treat for CHILDREN, not so that adults can over indulge in food, over indulge in drink, overspend and generally behave themselves like spoiled children, we might be able to face the realities, oh so stark, for oh so many of us, that we have to plod on facing the reality, the loneliness we endure because of this dreadful illness.

    One thing I hold onto as hard as I can is to be thankful that I did have so many good Christmas times and that even though it is a very heart breaking time of the year to get through, I'm so glad that my children, now adults with children of their own, can have the joy of watching their children at this special time of the year.


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