Well, mum has been with us now for nearly four months. She has vascular dementia which was made worse by my dad’s sudden death in March. She came to live with my husband and I in our little 2 bedroomed house with only 1 bathroom. Over the last few weeks Mum has stabilised a lot. She sundowns every day and is quite demanding and gets upset if things are not done exactly when she wants them done. The problem, I think, is not her, it’s me. I am struggling to come to terms with her dementia and struggle to feel any emotion. I find it hard to be affectionate toward her as I have trouble separating my ‘real’ mum with the one who has dementia. The one who is selfish and nasty. Don’t get me wrong, I am loving and kind, I just don’t feel it inside. My life has turned upside down. I no longer work. I’m with her all the time. My husband and I have no privacy. She hates to see us together and gets upset if we talk to each other. All of her feelings I can understand. She has lost her husband and has had to move in with us. She feels she has no freedom. She wants to live alone. She wants to live back where she came from but it’s 4 hours drive away so is not practical, plus she can’t live alone. I do try to explain but she sees me in a negative light. She is so nice and gracious to my husband but irritated and grumpy with me. It hurts. I do everything I can to make her life happy and comfortable but she is not happy. I suggested going to a day centre but she doesn’t want to. She has no interest in doing anything. When I suggest something or try to get her to do something with me she will say “I don’t feel like it”. Every day I promise myself I will try harder but each day I fail. It is making me feel so depressed. I feel for her, I really do but I’m struggling with this stranger in my house. She wants to live in a care home but doesn’t like the ones she can afford (with social funding). I’m not sure she even realises how it will be in a care home. She used to live in a warden assisted flat with my dad and I’m sure that’s what she thinks of as a care home. All this is making me feel rubbish as a person. I ought to be affectionate. I ought to be able to understand. Even after reading books about it I still struggle. I ought to get a grip on this but don’t seem able to do so. Sorry for the rambling post. Thanks in advance to any who answer and thanks to those who have answered in the past.