Greetings all! I've been looking at this forum for a few days and just joined up.
For several years my father has been in a nursing home, mainly for physical debility. In the mean time, my mother's mind has deteriorated severely. For a while she was in an assisted living place, until her dementia got to the point (with aggression and other difficult behaviors) that they could not take care of her. We have now (as of March) moved her to an Alzheimer's home that specializes in dementia patients. So far we've been favorably impressed.
Over the past few years, my parents have seen each other only when we visit, about every 2 weeks. While I think it is difficult/sad for them to see each other deteriorate, and they have therefore not really wanted to see each other except when my husband and I are there, my father at least is still quite attached to my mother.
About a week ago my mother announced that she was "finding love again." Seems there is a male resident in the Alzheimer's home that she has "fallen in love with."
My first reaction was mild shock. My next reaction was -- well, I guess that's fine but I'm worried she'll say something about it to my dad and really hurt him. Then we talked to the social worker at the Alzheimer's home. Seems it is pretty serious. My mom and this gentleman have been kissing, talking about having sex, wanting to go to a room alone together, etc. The gentleman is a little lower functioning than my mom, and the social worker said he is definitely interested in my mom but less able to form attachments. The social worker pointed out the other pitfalls besides this possibly leaking out to my dad (through my mom's mouth). E.g., it's not good for my mom to get exclusively attached to one person (who could die soon); the man is less able than her to form an exclusive attachment; he has a wife; etc.
The social worker advised me to be neutral when my mom talks about it. I'm finding it very awkward to hear her enthuse about her "lover" and how great this all is.
Anyone else had a similar situation?
Thanks for listening.
Karen
For several years my father has been in a nursing home, mainly for physical debility. In the mean time, my mother's mind has deteriorated severely. For a while she was in an assisted living place, until her dementia got to the point (with aggression and other difficult behaviors) that they could not take care of her. We have now (as of March) moved her to an Alzheimer's home that specializes in dementia patients. So far we've been favorably impressed.
Over the past few years, my parents have seen each other only when we visit, about every 2 weeks. While I think it is difficult/sad for them to see each other deteriorate, and they have therefore not really wanted to see each other except when my husband and I are there, my father at least is still quite attached to my mother.
About a week ago my mother announced that she was "finding love again." Seems there is a male resident in the Alzheimer's home that she has "fallen in love with."
My first reaction was mild shock. My next reaction was -- well, I guess that's fine but I'm worried she'll say something about it to my dad and really hurt him. Then we talked to the social worker at the Alzheimer's home. Seems it is pretty serious. My mom and this gentleman have been kissing, talking about having sex, wanting to go to a room alone together, etc. The gentleman is a little lower functioning than my mom, and the social worker said he is definitely interested in my mom but less able to form attachments. The social worker pointed out the other pitfalls besides this possibly leaking out to my dad (through my mom's mouth). E.g., it's not good for my mom to get exclusively attached to one person (who could die soon); the man is less able than her to form an exclusive attachment; he has a wife; etc.
The social worker advised me to be neutral when my mom talks about it. I'm finding it very awkward to hear her enthuse about her "lover" and how great this all is.
Anyone else had a similar situation?
Thanks for listening.
Karen